I have been married for the last 10 years to my husband. We in the last 4 years have been having major problems and I recently ran into my x husband...How crazy...huh! anyways he says that he's always loved me....and he's turning on the charm hot and heavy. He was my first real love, we were just to young to settle down...so we seperated, divorced and went our seperate ways. I know that I still have strong feelings for him...But ??? some body help....With all the problems that are going on in my curent relationship what in the world should I do??
2006-12-05 17:24:51 · 13 answers · asked by HUM... ??? 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
well, there was a reason you & your ex parted ways. so, i suggest giving your current marriage your all. seeking counseling can really help. you can't give up on marriage so easily. it is a commitment. you need to look deeper into what your definition of commitment is... and work on that.
keep remembering why you didn't work out... and think about why you fell in love with your current hubby. you have to do it that way. really.
2006-12-05 17:31:02 · answer #1 · answered by christy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am not about to judge you about your marriage. However, marriage is in some ways like purchasing a new home. You leave the home because their are problems or because you think a new house will be better suited for you. Think about this. If you purchased a new home and after ten years you decided you liked the old one better and wanted to move back into it. Is there a chance if you went back to the house you would find some of the same issues with the house that you had before and perhaps even some new ones. The grass is always greener on the other side.
Part of the problem with society today is that they don't take their commitments to one another seriously. Most of the time we try to go back and even if you can is it really for the best? You have made vows to another person. Put as much energy into thinking about how you can improve this marriage as you are about getting back with your ex. You can't keep making vows and then when things get rough go back or find something new.
Please forgive me if there are other issues I have not been made aware of about your circumstances. I wish you the best but sometimes you can't or shouldn't go back. If there are children involved please put their best interest in your decision.
Wish the best for you.
2006-12-05 17:52:31 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all I'll tell you that this situation is result of existing problems in your family - to explain more clearly - it doesn't matter who showed up- your ex. or somebody else, when relationships in family are going backwards there is always temptation, always somebody who seems to be "answer to all problems", but usually he/she only "seems to be" and actually this relations don't last long, I'll say they last as long as you need a shoulder to cry on.
Anything you do, don't dig in trash can - you have already finished this old story, book is closed and all pages are already written, so there is no more to add, just forget about it and start from clean page "TABULA RASA".
Regarding problems in family - only advice I can give you here (having same problems last 2 years, married 7 years already) if you feel that you don't love him anymore just leave him and give him and yourself second chance to be happy and start life all over again.
That is what I am going to do, I know it's hard, I've come up with this deceision two monthes ago and have been thinking since then how to manage to finish everything "nicely". We have two kids and they really love their father, but me and my husband don't love each other any more and have arguments (i'll call that "fight" it's not an argument any more) every day.
Good Luck, I'm with you whatever your deceision is!
2006-12-05 17:53:46 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
4 years out of 10 you have had problems? Do you have kids? If you don't have children, I say get while the gettin' in good. I get so tired of seeing people stay in miserable marriages when they could find happiness somewhere else or at the very least be unhappy all by themselves. I don't suggest cheating with the ex, but I do think you should give your current marriage some serious thought and if it's not what you want and never will be, end it if at all possible. Tell the ex that you do have feelings but that you want to do things right by ending the current marriage before starting a new relationship.
2006-12-05 17:31:04 · answer #4 · answered by Someday Soon 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you are having major problems and you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, maybe you should see a counseller. Make sure that he or she is a Christian. Gary Chapman has a very good book out called "Covenant Marriage." You can get this book in Christian Book Stores. Don't give up on your marriage. There are more mountains than there are valleys. You are just in a valley for now. There is hope if you work at it. Don't give up.
2006-12-05 17:43:05 · answer #5 · answered by Freedom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you should first work on you then you will know who you are and then focus on what your feeling then ask yourself if the probalms your having in the marriage is some of your fault then go to your husband and let him know what your feeling and talk things out and as for as seeing your first husband it only brought up all feelings and if you leave the man your married to know and get with your ex you will carry olde backage with you so just start by working on you first and everything else will fall in place
2006-12-05 17:36:27 · answer #6 · answered by shorttonguelonglick 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Remember at least ONE thing: Your Ex is your Ex for a reason.
Do not romanticize your past relationship. That is a mistake. Go to your husband, talk, learn, grow, accept. Be the better woman I know you can be.
2006-12-05 17:35:21 · answer #7 · answered by Poppet 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
okay are you stupid or somthing???? once a cheeter always a cheeter...why leave something secure for somthin insecure...??? look if your miserable in your marriage...leave your hubby...but dont make the mistake of going back to the guy who once made you cry and didnt care if you were happy or not....go look for someone who will cherrish you and treat you like his center of his world...
2006-12-05 17:52:50 · answer #8 · answered by Kikkis 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you want a divorce from your current hubby if so you never know it might work your both older now.best wishes
2006-12-05 18:46:29 · answer #9 · answered by turnpage692002 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its always the 3rd party that prompted people to divorce...please work out your marriage and see how it turns out..I cant advise what you should do but please give this marriage another chance..!
2006-12-05 17:43:09 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋