When should we stop the "family bed?"?

Question

On the day my baby was born, she would wake up screaming if left in the hospital bassinet for more than 5 minutes. Utterly exhausted, I moved her to our bed, and she has been there ever since. She sleeps soundly all night, waking only to nurse.
She is now 3 months old, and my parents are saying its not healthy for her to be in our bed. Truth be told, I like cuddling with her at night, and our heater doesn't work very well. Since it's winter, my husband gets mad if I try to put her to bed in her crib anyway, saying it's too cold. So we both like the family bed arrangement.
But I know it can't last forever. I'm especially worried about when she starts getting mobile.
We can't afford a side-sleeper or anything like that. Any advice? Anybody else gone through this?

Answer 1

First of all, stop listening to your parents. Mine were the same way. But what the heck do they know? I can tell you it is very little. Our western culture has made parenting into a convenience thing. We ignore what is best for the child in favor for what is convenient for the parent. It is ridiculous. There is no reason a child shouldn't sleep with his/her parent. Many cultures still make it a common practice and in those cultures the incidents of SIDS is practically zero. I don't remember the specifics, but a few years back I did a paper on attachment parenting in which I discussed the benefits of co-sleeping or the family bed. During my research I discovered that infants, when left to sleep by themselves, will have short periods of time when they stop breathing. It is usually quick little blocks of time. Some researchers thing this is where SIDS comes in. But when sleeping with a parent the infant regulates its breathing to match the mothers. And the infant breaths fine.

It is healthy and natural for an infant to sleep with a parent. It is just our western culture has decided to make it unnatural and has brain washed us into thinking a child's place is in their own crib. Can you blame them for crying? They wake up cold, alone in a dark room, behind bars. I'd cry too.

Both of my boys slept with us until they were 2 and then they easily transitioned to their own beds. It wasn't an issue at all because we didn't make it one. We introduced them to their beds but if they wanted to crawl into bed with us we left them. Eventually they stayed in their beds longer and longer. Now our youngest (he is 3) usually crawls into our bed at about 5am unless he had a nightmare in the middle of the night--then he is in our bed sooner.

Making the transition is only an issue if you make it one. Parents need to relax more. As for it getting in the way of you and your husband, as someone suggested, that is just stupid. There are plenty of opportunities for being intimate. When the boys were little we had a bassinet near the bed for those times. When they got a little older if they were already in our bed then we found somewhere else--like the living room. :)

If you enjoy the family bed then don't be in a hurry to stop it. There is no reason to.

Answer 2

There is nothing to be guilty of here. It is biologically correct for an infant to sleep next to her mama. What do you people (other posters) think people did before cribs were invented? How long would a caveman's baby have survived off in another cave sleeping alone? SIDS is just a fancy name for CRIB DEATH! It generally happens when an infant has not learned to regulate it's breathing by being in contact with the mother it grew inside and is used to being right there with.

ANYWAY, you should stop the family bed when YOU WANT! Not when society or grandparents dictate.

If you are worried about her crawling off the bed, simply have her sleep between you and the wall. OR, if you already have a crib, remove one of the side rails, adjust the matress so that it is even with your bed and stick it between the wall and the adult bed. Fill in any cracks and there you have your co-sleeper that will actually last a lot longer than those Arms reach things and will ease her transition into her own sleeping space eventually.

Answer 3

Most people start co-bedding when their child wakes up a lot at night and needs to be fed, so the mother likes to just lay in bed and nurse until the baby goes back to sleep. So, many people stop co-bedding once their baby starts sleeping through the night and doesn't need to be fed in the middle of the night.

First of all, babies should not co-bed if lots of heavy comforters or pillows could smother her during the middle of the night. Since it's cold, I'm assuming you are doing so, so you'll just need to think of a quick fix for this.

Also, you'll need to stop co-bedding once the bed gets too small for the three of you to be comfortable. It would be unsafe to do so.

Co-bedding is perfectly acceptable, and saying that it is "unhealthy" is just using a personal opinion. Plenty of people do it.

Now, it's just now starting to be the beginning of winter, so if you are making the commitment to keep the baby in the bed for as long as it is cold, you've got at least 3-4 months left. If you're worried about the cold and you have an ineffective heater, you can try shutting some of the vents in the rest of the home so that most of the warm air is pumping into your room. Or, you can call for a free estimate from a heating company for them to come out and tell you what's wrong and what it will cost to fix it. Make sure it's free before they come out though.

And to anyone who gives you hell for this, co-bedding actually has a LOWER risk for SIDS, and the chances of a parent smothering their own child while they are asleep is infinitesimal unless the parent is using alcohol or drugs. So you all really need to bag your unreasearched arguments.

Answer 4

Actually, the only concern would be the chance of rolling over onto her, this is why most people are against it. However, the risk of SIDS is reduced by 75% when the baby sleeps next to the mother. When she starts getting mobile place her in the middle. All of my children slept beside me until they were about nine months of age, then they wanted to be "big" and this was all on their own, so I would not worry about it just yet. The old way of thinking is that the child would never leave the bed, this is why your parents are saying what they do, times have changed and more developments on child psychology have been evolved it is actually healthier for her to be with you, it helps strengthen the bond between Mom and Baby/ Dad and Baby.

Answer 5

You will get lots of different answers to the question I am sure. Both of my children ended up in our bed until they were about 4-5 years old and at 8 and 11 still climb in at the foot when they are scared or not feeling well. We just took our "alone" time to another room. With our first one the bassinet only lasted about 20 minutes. This is your child, you guys are the mother and father, YOU get to decide what is healthy and what isn't. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be close to your baby at night. Do what you feel in your heart is the right thing to do. I miss those times, It doesn't last for ever, they grow up.

Answer 6

Keep her with you, especially while you are still nursing. She can take naps in her crib as she gets older so she'll be used to the crib also. But I nursed all of mine for about a year and they slept with me the majority of that time. It is so much easier and we all got much more sleep this way. I never used a side sleeper either. I used to put a pillow on the other side of her so she wouldn't fall of the bed if she rolled and another on the floor just to be safe (never was needed). Lots of people use a family bed much longer. My 4 year old still gets in my bed when the sun comes up and cuddles up and goes back to sleep. I tried to stop that but she wouldn't go back to sleep and I wanted the extra hour or two of sleep I could get by letting her stay in my bed. Enjoy your baby. Soon she'll won't just be out of your bed but out of your house. Good luck

Answer 7

I have a 11 a 10 and a 4 year old and we still sleep in the same bed. Not that I want to, trust me! But when my older two were around 3 or 4, I told them that if they slept in thier beds, the sleepy queen would come and give them a piece of candy under thier pillow in the middle of the night. It really worked until #3 came along! (thats a way to stop it). But to answer your question, whenever you, your husband, and your child are ready. When she can squirm around make sure you put her in the middle! Relax and don't worry about what other people say.

Answer 8

Eep. I'm guilty of this.. I had my son in bed with me untill he was 6 months old.. and then I moved him to a crib beside the bed.. After about a week we moved the crib to the other side of the room. A few weeks later we finally placed the crib into his room next door..
This seemed to work for him, but not always for everyone else.
If you are both happy with the arangment at the moment. there's no need to change it. But, be warned, you might never get her out, lol.

Answer 9

What the hell is wrong with you people? You don't sleep with an infant in a bed! That is sooo dangerous! You can roll over onto the baby and suffocate it, not to mention it increases the chance of SIDS. I thought that was common knowledge with mothers....good god people. If you don't break that habit now, it will continue for a LONG LONG time. Let's just hope the screaming and crying for a little while is the worst thing you'll experience, not rolling over and killing your own baby! If it's cold, get a space heater...stop risking your child's life by sharing your bed. You can put a small basinet or crib next to your bed; you don't need to share one.

Answer 10

I think that while your mother is being motherly (mines is the very same way) you should go with your own instinct on this. I slept with my daughter who is now 8 years old in the room with me until she was two. I broke her by fixing up her room with her favorite cartoon and it worked perfectly because as soon as I fixed up the room she wanted to sleep in her room with her toys so she could watch them so they wouldn't be alone. That's not to say that you should let your child sleep with you until she is two but everyone breaks away at different times. You and your husband should only put her in a seperate room when you are 100% sure it is the right time for you and not because someone else thinks you should because small kids get into everything!!!