Bear with me, this will long and I will not have enough space in this box, so I will have to keep submitting & adding details, so come back to this later if it looks incomplete.
December 27th., 2005 I met a wonderful man name Bob. My husband had just committed suicide about 6 months prior. We were seperated when he died. I had asked him to move out a few weeks before he died, he moved in with his brother. I could no longer deal with his mental issues (bipolar), his mental & verbal abuse, his issues with alcohol, his lies, his anger issues and the fact that he could not hold down a job. I had detached long ago, I knew in my heart there was no way this marriage would ever workout. I had no intentions of EVER getting involved with another man seriously. I had the attitude there was no reason to. I had a place for the kids & I to live and a rental home for addtional income, a new car, money in the bank, a great paying job, family & friends. What did I need a man for, more headaches? NOT!!
2006-12-05 15:41:40 · 9 answers · asked by maryannmccarthy2003 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
So anyway, Bob & I meet. I was so taken by the instant connection from the moment I looked at his beautiful blue eyes. We exchanged phone numbers & started to spend a lot of time together getting to know one another. We seen each other daily, even if it was just for a short period. We talked everyday on the phone. We both knew there was something going on between us, it was like a strong magnet we had no control of pulling us closer together. No complaints, this was all new for us and a great thing. The deepest love we have ever felt had taken over. Bob & I had decided we would move in together and see if things would remain the same. Well it all got even better. We realized we have a relationship that is perfect for us. We started talking about a bigger future together, yes, marriage & the purchase of a home together. Well Bobs' mother had been giving him a lot of static about me. She felt he was moving too fast. She has basically tried to talk him out of what Bob & I have decided
2006-12-05 15:53:00 · update #1
to do. But it has not worked. We have our hearts set on our future together. Well, it's been almost a year since we met and 9 months since we combined households. We have had no relationship issues between us at all.
We made an offer on a home recently. Bobs' mom about had a fit when he called her to tell her & she treated him like a child telling him what he should and should not do, by the way, Bob is 47 & I am 36. Bob ended up hanging up on her, this was 8 days ago. Well every since that phone conversation, she has been cold towards him. I know deep down inside it really bums Bob out. He really does love his parents and tells everyone all the time how lucky he is to have them. Bob was hurt that his mom can't seem to find it within herself to just be happy for him. Happy that he is doing well in a relationship and life in general.
2006-12-05 16:01:25 · update #2
She has made it known that she feels he should not marry me & I am unsure why she has continued to do this. I have never given her a reason to feel this way. I take very good care of her son. I make sure he has a packed lunch for work everyday. I make sure all the bills are paid before the due date, I have an income, I keep up the house. I do it all including him. ;-)
So my issue is, we got married 3 days ago and no one knew before hand except my 3 youngest son's. Now Bob has not told his parents yet and it's because he don't want the conflict with his mom, his dad is awesome. So, what would be the best way to handle this without having to be so harsh by telling his mom to mind her own business?
2006-12-05 16:12:22 · update #3
Finally, the end!! ;-)
2006-12-05 16:16:08 · update #4
Bob is far from a mommas boy, he is his own man but his mom attempts to tell him how to live his life. Bob works hard everyday, OT when he can and only sees his parents usually once a week for a few hours over a meal at a local diner.
2006-12-05 16:34:17 · update #5
Bob & I were married by a minister in a court house, no one was invited.
2006-12-05 16:35:44 · update #6
I'd say the only way to do it is to come right out with it. She may never like you, and you may never like her, but then again I don't think you have to like each other. You both do have one thing in common you both love her son/your husband. She needs to understand that he can run his own life, and you need to understand that she may always try to run it for him.
But he needs to be the one to tell her, " Hay I love Mary and her kids, were very happy together, and we are now Married. Mom you don't have to like it, but you do have to accept it. I am a grown man and can make my own decisions in life and this is one that I'm happy with. I love you, and I love her, please be happy for us and if you can't be happy then please at least be respectful of my new wife and family"
Mother-in-laws can be a pain (not that I would know I never meet mine:) ) but they are part of what comes with the package. As long as the two of you are in love and making things work out for the two of you don't let anyone else come between that. She will come around to him at least eventually. Good Luck
2006-12-05 16:40:08 · answer #1 · answered by Danielle 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have to agree with Steph, is he a momma's boy? Why would anyone have to feel the need to "hide" their wedding; one of the happiest days of your life? Plan a ceremony, to include family (small or large, it's up to you). At least give his mother the chance to attend. Let her know by your actions that you are here for the long haul and show your love to her son and to her. Should she refuse to show, then it's on her. Don't feel obligated to overindulge her, but don't stoop to her level either by treating her as she is treating you. No one ever has to know you were married before this ceremony (as long as your 3 can be hushed). Most importantly, talk to Bob about this. I mean really take a night out to sit and talk abou this. He should know his mother better then anyone, but sometimes when you're that close, you can't see the forest for the trees. Hope all works out well, and Congratulations!
2006-12-05 16:30:05 · answer #2 · answered by sweetness 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your new husband loves his family, and he loves you. He may feel torn between the both of you. Bob appears to be a decent guy, I feel that he will honor his commitment towards both of you...and still be able to maintain the peace. Both of you could sit down with your new mother-in-law, and tell her the exciting news. Another option is to not tell the family at all...but that might hurt the family. It could also cost missed family moments and bliss in the marriage. The final option (which I do not recommend unless all else has failed) is to move a safe distance away. "Hang in there!" Remember that the marriage united both of you together. "Congratulations!"
2006-12-05 16:51:05 · answer #3 · answered by Nut 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
don't tell the mother in law anything at the moment what she dosent know wont hurt her she should be pleased her son is happy and has found someone to love him wait until things have calmed down and then maybe take them out to tea and tell them if their in a public place she wont be able to have a pink fit and explain that you both decided you only wanted an intimate ceremony its not a bad thing not having your mother in law involved i don't even speak to mine but i don't deny my husband having contact with her and taking the children to see her she'll come around sooner or later if she wants her son in her life good luck
2006-12-05 22:32:33 · answer #4 · answered by charmaine d 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
no, you dont. i have this amazing boyfriend and we have been talking about marriage, me and his mother dont love each other AT ALL. hes a mamas boy so i have to deal with her. You dont fall in love with someone for their mother, just them
2006-12-05 18:19:04 · answer #5 · answered by idontevenknow 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
MIL's suck, don't let her get involved with your lives, don't let her ruin your relationship....limit her time in your family..{to nothing if need be....} Move out of state....live your own lives....and tell MIL if she can't accept you into her life, she will not be welcome in your and bob's life.
2006-12-06 03:12:56 · answer #6 · answered by bella 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don need man, just need their xxxx! Cos truthfully, man are the root problem of my life..! and have been trying to avoid havin feelin to any of them...cos i have feelin for them i am doomed again...!
2006-12-05 15:48:28 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Mary...don't do the mother-in-law thing..
either this man is his own man, or he's mama's boy...
think long & hard about yourself...
2006-12-05 15:46:34 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
No need to love them. Have boundaries with them.
2006-12-05 23:05:27 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋