Found email that my husband sent to a woman he met a car racing asking her out to dinner. He says it nothing but I told him that I considered it cheating. If it was nothing then why did he keep it hidden from me. I am having a hard time coping with this. Any ideas how to live through this. I love him so much. Just really need to talk to someone that can help me work this out.
2006-12-05 15:32:29 · 19 answers · asked by onlythewife 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Hon, husbands do NOT take other women out for dinner. Especially hidding it from you. You are full of emotions now.
Get your heard on straight and be strong.
Tell him, he cancles the dinner and makes an appointment with you at a marriage counselors. If he says no, it is like saying no to his marriage vows. Perhaps he has forgotten his marriage vows.
If this dinner is nothing, he would have you and him met her for dinner. Married men or women don't go out for dinner with somone of the opposite sex.
Why bother getting married if he can't be faithful. A dinner isn't cheating.....but he is on the boundry line that says NO GO. Once he has crosses that boundry and goes to dinner with her....then he is out of bounds and all kinds of trouble can happen.
You husband is highly disrespecting you and his marriage vows to you. Don't let it slide. He either acts like a loving husband or he needs to get some counceling to repair things or else he is boldly saying to you that his vows in marriage to you mean very little to him.
Be strong, if he won't get counseling you go on your own. It sounds like he doesn't mind hurting you/ This rush he has gotten from flirting and making plans with this woman has made him make some very bad judgments. I do pray that he will snap out of this childlike behaviour and step forward and be the husband that you need. He needs to be a man of his vows and be a husband and lover that he commited to be when he married you.
You have every right to not be coping well with this. The biggest thing is to not let him do this to you over and over again. He gets his chance to pull out of this....if he can't, he shouldn't be married.
2006-12-05 16:00:14 · answer #1 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I found myself in a simular situation once, My husband wanted to ask another woman to dance, while we where out on a date. My first instinct was to kill him. After cooling down though, I realized that maybe I over reacted. There must be some reason why u didnt trust him to start with or u wuldnt have found that email. Im thinking there is alot of distrust issues with the two of you. You might want to consider talking to him. If this doesnt work out then I would have to say that maybe you are holding on to something that isnt there anymore. When men start to hold back and lie and hide things that usually means they arent interested or they have found someone else. Try couseling or you be the one to meet him at the dinner instead of her. Seeing is believing.
2006-12-05 23:44:18 · answer #2 · answered by iamahotty36 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl, sorry, I think you are in trouble.
I agree with you. Any time a married man is alone with another woman for dinner, it's bad news.
This is going to sound weird, but trust me, OK.
Go to the library and pick up the book
The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands
sit down and read it, and see if there is something that's helps you improve the situation at home.
Either you have unintentionally created a situation that he is looking to escape from, or you married a scum-bag.....
Either way, the book will help you figure that part out.
You also have to tell him that behavior is completely unacceptable to you and you will not allow it to continue.
I will be holding out good thoughts for you... Divorce SUCKS!!!
2006-12-05 23:37:49 · answer #3 · answered by my-kids-mom 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh the head games they play. Keep your eyes and ears open my dear, my bet is that you are already on to something here and its gonna drive you crazy in your own mind until the truth comes out. You may "love him so much" but it still doesnt change the fact that he might be having an affair. Of course he is going to tell you that its nothing when you confront him, what else is he going to say hon? Yes dear. There is something there and I am going to have an affair, See ya when I get home? Im not trying to be sarcastic Im only trying to get you to see his games hes gonna play. They will never fess up when you ask them. You have to catch them in a lie. Do what you must to find out the truth. A married man has no business taking another woman out to dinner. You may email me if you like. Its a tough situation and I have been there myself.
2006-12-05 23:49:33 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
yeah pretty much there seems to be something going on if he just kept it from you. He's a married man he has no business taking out another woman to dinner or anywhere else without your knowlege unless its his mother or family. I think you have every right to be upset with him. sounds to me like hes cheating behind your back. I know thats hard to hear but i've been with someone just like that and turns out he was a cheater all along. Have you ever thought of getting a tape recorder and sticking it in his car under his seat or something. You might find alot out. play detective. it could be its nothing but you will never know if you dont do it.
2006-12-05 23:40:00 · answer #5 · answered by tcameron_2004 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How long have you been married? But you would only know by asking him for sure. Sometimes people are just seeking a little exitement but that is a wrong way to go about it. It seems to me at this point he must reassure you in a good way. By you letting him know strongly you feel about the situation. You can give all the love you want but if you get so little in return then eventually you will be left exhausted, tire, and incomplete...
2006-12-05 23:42:18 · answer #6 · answered by Kongfucius 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You make very good points.
Sorry to be so blunt but your options are:
Therapy - see if he is willing to tell you why he is doing this and if there is a way you both can repair your marriage.
Separation - dump him on his butt.
If he will go for one woman, he will go for another, so it's not worth chasing *the other one* away.
He obviously does not value what he has at home.
If you dump him, he has a chance to think this over.
Divorce - you know this drill.
Also, go get an STD test. Make sure you are still healthy.
He needs to know how serious this behavior is, and you need to act like it is serious.
2006-12-05 23:39:48 · answer #7 · answered by tankgirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to have a sit down talk with him. If he's willing to put his marriage on the line for a dinner with another women then you need to find out why.
2006-12-05 23:43:03 · answer #8 · answered by supressdesires 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry for your pain. I would suggest telling someone and you and that person both confront him with it so that he knows it's serious. To put it bluntly, he is probably interested in her because he finds interest in you lacking. That's why he needs to be approached - so that you and he can come to an understanding of why his interest in you has faltered. And don't give up. Keep telling people, keep getting help in approaching him. Keep after him. If you don't, he won't have anything stopping him from these inclinations.
2006-12-05 23:39:12 · answer #9 · answered by Drowningbluestars 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
a conversation here, a dinner there, mixed with a little conversation, a little confiding, and than she is suddenly in bed with your hubby. you should confront him and ask him why he chooses to take another woman to dinner and not you. i suggest u go to the car races with him from now on.
2006-12-05 23:40:52 · answer #10 · answered by jude 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋