I need insight from waitresses?

Question

Hopefully someone out here who waits tables for a living can figure this one out for me.

I'm a regular at a certain restaurant. I usually get the same server. She is always proficient and polite. She always remembers my usuals. I always tip 20% of the check and am polite and respectful to her.

Despite all of this, she never makes any conversation with me. That fact in itself would not be so significant if it weren't for the following: She almost always initiates chit chats with all of the other regulars, even if they are not in her wait section. If I'm not in her section, she walks right by me like I don't even exist.

Anyone have any speculations as to why she chit chats with everyone but me?

Regarding some of the things suggested:

I have never said anything that could possibly make her uncomfortable, such as hitting on her or flirting with her. She is very attractive, but I don't get the feeling that I am attracted TO her. I don't request her section. It's hit and miss. I can tell you that I don't care for the other servers though, as their service is far below the quality she offers.

I am shy and quiet, so maybe she is picking up on that, and possibly even misperceiving that. I have no idea.

This is not the only time this has happened to me. It has other places with other servers as well.

Answer 1

One of the first things you learn as a server is to anticipate your guests needs. I am generally not the type of waitress that will be extravagant and chit-chatty with you unless you show me first that you are interested in conversations like that. For someone who seems reserved it is likely that i will give them their space but always treat them with respect and actually look forward to having them in my section because I know they are more relaxed and I don't have to put on a show for them. It's kinda like if you see a couple arguing and you're waiting on them, you try to stay away from the table unless it is necessary to check on them, and supply them with their dining needs. One because you feel rude and nosy listening in on them, and two because the interruptions from you are most likely causing a little more frustration. It's nothing against you personally I am sure, she may just be trying to respect what she feels are your desires from you dining experience. Next time if you are interested in sharing the same relationship she has with her other regulars, be the outgoing one and ask her something funny that will start a conversation like commenting on another customers outrageous behavior, or how the music must be so annoying. once she sees you are looking for that, she's likely to comply not turn you down esp. if you're a good tipper.

Answer 2

Maybe it's because you call her a waitress and not a server. That gets my goat. You did not say how old you are. Are you age appropriate to be having casual conversation with her? Are you presentable? She may have chosen not to make yours a personal relationship even with small talk. I served for over 30 years and there were a lot of patrons (tips were never a factor) I did not chose to converse with at all other than the business at hand.
After all she is at work. You don't know who is it she does chat with. They may be relatives or friends. Get over it. If if bothers you initiate conversation, if when still doesn't respond forget it and sit somewhere else.
Sounds more like you go there to hit on her.

Answer 3

Have you ever found something to "chit-chat" with her about ?
The obligation is not just on her, but both of you equally.
Find someway to break the ice and find some common ground to initiate a conversation.
Also, are you an "approachable" person ?
Do you always make eye contact and smile etc....?
Maybe try just making small talk and go from there.
BTW.....are you "interested" in her ?

Answer 4

i was a waitress for a little while, i remember there used 2 be a guy that came every Sunday i was attracted to him and tried 2 not have to be the 1 to take his order because i was so shy, maybe she likes you, or maybe she feels awkward around you, or maybe she just doest talk 2 u! its hard 2 tell. maybe try starting the chit chats and she will most likely respond!

Answer 5

I would suspect because you are shy and quiet and she picks up on that. I used to waitress for years and I would never initiate a conversation with customers unless they initiated one first. It just seemed unprofessional. I mean, I'm at work. I'm not there to socialize. However, if a customer were to start a conversation with me, I wouldn't want to appear rude and not talk back.

Answer 6

Others may initiate conversation with her, or at least have in the past so she learned about them and can make chit chat easier. You say your shy so you probably have not initiated anything with her. I am sure it is nothing personal. Well unless you are extremely picky and often complain, then she may be intimidated.

Answer 7

Have you ever said anything to make her uncomfortable? If not I am not sure. Try initiating small talk with her and see if that works. Maybe she is just nervous around you, when I waitressed I always tried to be friendly with everyone but sometimes you get nervous.

Answer 8

I was a waitress and if I got the vibe, even if unintended, that a guy was coming in to flirt with me or had a little thing for me it would make me uncomfortable. I would avoid doing or saying anything to make the guy think I am interested in anyway.
It is pretty creepy when a guy comes in by himself and always asks for your section. You are probably a nice guy but you are obviously creeping the girl out...switch servers and see if she doesn't say anything to you about it...if not, let her be.

Answer 9

I go restaurants where my friends work so they chat with me more because we know each other out of our jobs.
Maybe if you had a Mickey mouse tie and she was into Mickey she would start a conversation or vice versa but it is hard to talk to someone you do not know very well

Answer 10

You might just be one of those people that it takes a while to warm up to. When i was working tables, I had a few couples who were regulars who just didnt feel like warm, talkative people to me. Then i messed up their order, and it turned out they were super-sweet people, and we chit-chatted alot after that. Just take the chance, if it presents itself, to show her that you're a talkable person. I loved getting to know my regulars!