Is it normal for parents?

Question

Who beat their children at a young age and then also into adulthood to go into a state of denial where they cannot remember doing it and call their children liars and say that they need help.
Yes this is personal experience and i am just wondering.
My parents seem to have now made up this mask they like to hide behind saying 'they never believed in hitting children' yet as a child i remember the bloody noses, i remember the bruises and i remember the red hand prints covering my body.
And just recently i remember being strangled.
Somehow these events escape both my parents memory, so is it normal for them to completely block it out and blame me and say i am the one who needs help?

Spider: How can i love on when still at 20 years of age my father still looses his temper and punches me and strangles me? I am trapped in the house with him because i have little money and centrelink refuses to give me youth allowance or rent assistance.
My teachers refused to help me when i was at school saying it was 'too much paperwork'.
I'm glad your life is still ok but mine isn't. And did you ever bleed? Were there days you couldn't walk, were there days you couldn't sleep?

my-kids-mom: I have never forgotten it, I have seen counsellors but I no longer mention it because nobody wanted to help me back then so i doubt anyone would now. And the memories are too painful.

Lisa M: Yeah it does sorta matter because i think they are gonna try and have me medicated or thrown in a psychiatric facility.

Answer 1

I dont know if its 'normal'...but it does happen.

Answer 2

Actually, it is a very common for parents to conveniently 'forget' what they did. I think they might remember a few times,... or maybe all the times they beat you. But abusers are tricky bastards, and they lie to themselves and to you when asked about their actions. If they had to admit to what they did, they would have to change, and they are too weak to change.
The question is, does it really matter whether they remember or not? What matters is that you remember that they did this to you. And that is a start to help with therapy. Most abused children suffer from Post tramatic stress disorder and must get therapy for what they've been through. If you're still living at home and your 'dad' is assaulting you, then you have to call the police and have him arrested. As for the teacher who says it is too much paperwork, then you have to go to someone else. I suggest you call a good doctor who can help you with this.There's got to be some resources for kids like you. Why don't you look up some info about your city on the net, there must be resources that way. If not, do you have a relative who can take you in for a while, or maybe a friend would be better because that way your not stuck in the toxic family setting that is probably ingrained in your family. Pick a friend who seems to have functional parents who would understand your plight and offer a place for you to stay for a while. Good luck and God bless you, you're not alone.

Answer 3

My mother is the same way. My 3 brothers and I share the same memories but our parents say we are nuts. It's not until someone outside the immediate family recalls incidents that they will ever admit what they did. My aunt was that person. She verified our memories. My bros and I are all in our 40s. It was more common when we were children to get hit with things like belts, brushes, wooden spoons. I think most parents just do the best they can and can't admit when they were wrong. I think they are ashamed of their actions now, but didn't know at the time what else to do.

So I don't believe you are nuts. They are in denial. If this is still happening, you have to get away. Is there a family member you can stay with. Friends? You can't allow it to continue. Can you set up a video camera so you have proof if, God forbid, it happens again? Please keep looking for help. You deserve better than what you are getting. Do you belong to a church? Is there a pastor, minister you can talk to?

Answer 4

I think that's funny. I grew up in in a home in another country where kids were spanked, even in school. After migrating to my new home, over the years, the topic would arise on upbringing and my older brother would always make angry mention to the hitting as a child. I realized very quickly that my parents never talked about any of it becuase they were not proud of their actions, but also that it was the only way they knew. Also, it has not affected who I am and in many ways has actually taught me good values. So maybe, your parents just do not want to be reminded, so why not drop the issue. It's past and gone, so look ahead and move on.

Answer 5

First of all, I'm really sorry that had to happen to you... second of all, that's more common than you might think, but shouldn't be considered "normal." I personally know of some older people in my family who had shortcomings as parents, and choose not to talk about that or act like they remember. Instead they overcompensate (or feel that they are at least trying to make up for giving someone a crappy childhood) by cooking lots and having lots of food available when one of their now-adult kids comes to visit, acting friendly and welcoming, etc. Which I can understand... but it doesn't make it right what happened years ago. I mean, what's it going to hurt, other than their pride, to simply say, "Son, I know we did very wrong when you were growing up, and we are very sorry and hope you can forgive and love us." I don't know. I hope you can eventually learn to forgive them and remember the old saying, 'you can't pick your parents.' At least you are still alive and seem to be sensible. The next time they say you're the one that needs help, I would advise you find another family member to back you up, who knows about your situation. Good luck.

Answer 6

It is just as likely for parents not to remember doing stuff like that as it is for children to remember stuff that didn't happen. I'm not saying that's what happened to you, but both are equally likely. People can block things out, and people can also be implanted with false memories. It happens all the time. The mind is a tricky and complicated thing.

Answer 7

I am so sorry you went through that! That's awful!
I do believe it happens. Denial is a very strong thing, especially if it's something you are ashamed of, as they must be.
However, there have been cases of psychotherapists "planting" or encouraging "memories" of things that didn't really happen.... Have you remembered this on your own, or have you been seeing someone for help who may have "suggested" it.
Either way, if you truly believe this happened, I think it's worth cutting the ties with your parents. Especially when and if you have kids, for safetys sake.
Good luck and God Bless!

Answer 8

Yes it is normal for them to forget.... they deny it ... they lie about it... and yet they stiill do it...they will not change... not now not ever... once you are too old, too strong, or not near enough to be their victim they will find another victim.. PLEASE believe in yourself, some parents are simply cruel it sounds like this is the case with yours... and the mind games will go on forever.. they will deny it and you will eventually start to question your own sanity.. dont stay long enough for this to happen to you..

Get the hell out of there.. do not let them be invloved in your health care at all...

You say you are stuck in the house with them... send me an email and let me know what area you live in and I will tell you where to go and how to get help... okay... Dont worry about details of how to get money etc... just email me and I can help you..

Do Not Stay With Them A Minute Longer....

Answer 9

OMG i feel really bad for you, when i read this i cried.....really i am crying.

You went though something that can scare you for life. This can happen. But i suggest you go to concling or theripy. I am really sorry and i wish all child abbuse could be ended . But i know it cannot happen. If you had brothers or sisters say that i feel be for them to.

I remember how my grandma called me alot of names....like B*I*T*C*H & that I was just like my mother. She did hit me alot. And trys to tell people that it is a lie and she didnt call me anything or lay a finger on me. I have not seen her for 20 years, but i am pretty sure she is dead.

My point is that they might be covering up and trying to tell others that it didnt happen. They might just be trying to make it looked like you lied. I think they didnt forget, they are trying to cover it up and act like it never happened.

GOOD LUCK

Answer 10

How's about giving those old bastards a memory refreshing experience by demonstrating on them exactly what it was that they did to you?

Can I volunteer to do the beating? I promise to be very gentle with them (wink wink).

Answer 11

People do supress unpleasant memories, and that might be what your parents are doing. Someday, you will be able to accept them as they are.