Can someone proof-read this for me??? I won't catch them so would you please do it?I know it's boring. Sorry.

Question

If only 11% of make-up is tested, what makes people want to wear it? The answer is very simple; people have grown up in a community where it’s taught that you’re only pretty if you wear makeup. Mascara has been used by different cultures for millennia. In Ancient Egypt, sticks were usually made of ivory, bone, wood, hematite, glass, or bronze, and were not only used to mix the concoction, but to apply it, too. Even Kama Sutra, the ancient Indian treatise of love and sexual pleasure, had a recipe similar to the mascara 19th century women used. Mascara has been made if malachite, galena, copper, iron, manganese, and lead. Frankincense, resin, and mastic are said to be the precursor to waterproof mascara. Maybelline cake mascara was made in 1917 and was the first mascara for every day use. Today’s mascara is made of kohl and was originally referred to as mascaro, the hair dye. It was also made popular after World War I, only for eyelashes, of course. This project is very important because it shows exactly what is done to eyes without anyone knowing.
Mascara is the independent variable in this project. Mascara is considered basic to any kind of cosmetic application. Women tend to overdo mascara mostly because the makeup industry says long, think lashes are most desired. There are two main types of mascara: waterproof and water-soluble, able to be dissolved in water. Black mascara is the most popular color, but some use brown if their hair color is a light color (i.e. blondes). There is also clear mascara, for those who find that all of the colors of mascara are too dark for the complexion. Clear mascara isn’t a waste of money either; it lifts your lashes and separates them. Some women acquire recurring conjunctivitis, an infection of the outer part of the eyeball, due to contagion of their eye cosmetic and applicators. Mascara is to be thrown out every three-six months. Adding water to mascara causes the preservatives to become reduced and lessen the protection against bacteria. Sharing mascara spreads germs and is the most common way to spread conjunctivitis. Using saliva to moisten mascara can get the bacteria from your mouth in to you mascara tube. Some mascara includes an ingredient that breaks down to produce formaldehyde. Formaldehyde averts bacteria. The general purpose of mascara is to accentuate, thickened, lengthen, and distinguish. Mascara is made of water, wax thickeners, film-formers, and preservatives. Some brushes have rayon and nylon to lengthen eyelashes. Mascara brushes can be straight or curved to curl lashes.
Bacteria are the dependent variable in this project. Bacteria are microscopic organisms whose single cells don’t have a membrane-bounded nucleus or other membrane-bounded organelles like mitochondria. Bacteria belong to a group all by themselves. Bacteria are in the kingdom Monera. Bacteria can cause many different diseases: tetanus, pneumonia, syphilis, and tuberculosis. They are commonly found in large groups since they multiply so quickly. A bacterium grows slightly in size or length. Then a cell wall grows through the center if the bacterium creating to cell. One of the reasons the world isn’t covered with bacteria is that conditions are barely ever optimum. Bacteria are not always bad. There are bacteria in our stomachs that help digest food. Some bacteria can do photosynthesis. They have chloroplasts but chlorophyll and other needed chemicals are added in to their cell membranes, they are called Cyanobacteria. Some kinds of bacteria need and do best with oxygen; others are killed by it. Heterotrophic bacteria absorb dead organic material. There many different types of bacteria here are just a few: bacilli, rod-shaped bacteria, cocci, round shaped bacteria, spirilli, spiral shaped bacteria, aerobic, bacteria that needs oxygen, anaerobic, needs no oxygen. Bacteria have recently been found in the ocean. They live so deep that they live in total darkness near thermal vents.
Bacteria are everywhere, some good, and some bad. Bacteria are living things, and living things grow. They can multiply in just twenty minutes, each bacterium creating another. How do people know makeup is safe? They don’t. It’s safe until it is used. This is why this project is important.

Answer 1

Second sentence, semicolon should be a colon. So it should read: "The answer is very simple: people have grown up in a community where it’s taught that you’re only pretty if you wear makeup."

"Today’s mascara is made of kohl and was originally referred to as mascaro, the hair dye" is ambiguous. It should say either "Today’s mascara is made of kohl and was originally referred to as mascaro, a hair dye," or "Today’s mascara is made of kohl and was originally referred to as mascaro, meaning hair dye in [langauge]" (if you don't know the language of origin, either find out, or just end with "meaning hair dye," but that's not really ideal).

"It was also made popular after World War I, only for eyelashes, of course" would flow more smoothly if you rephrase it a bit: "It became popular for eyelash use after World War I"

"long, think lashes" should be "long, thick lashes"

"There are two main types of mascara: waterproof and water-soluble, able to be dissolved in water" is a bit awakward. It might be better to just say "There are two main types of mascara: waterproof and water-soluble." Soluble is a pretty commonly used term, so if people don't know what it means they can look it up.

"their hair color is a light color" should just be "their hair is a light color." I'd take out the "(i.e. blonds)" as that's implied by the "light color," but that's just a style thing.

"Some women acquire recurring conjunctivitis..." should be the start of a new paragraph.

"Some mascara includes an ingredient that breaks down to produce formaldehyde. Formaldehyde averts bacteria." So what? Does it work? Formaldehyde's pretty toxic - maybe you want to say something about that, too?

"Mascara is made of water, wax thickeners, film-formers, and preservatives. Some brushes have rayon and nylon to lengthen eyelashes. Mascara brushes can be straight or curved to curl lashes." Again, so what? There are a couple things in there that are potentially antibacteria and/or toxic, but unless you say something about that explicitly, it's just extraneous information.

Those are all of the minor grammar or spelling corrections I could find. But just something to think about... When I edit an essay someone wrote for school, I hold it to the same standards I'd hold a classmate's essay to, even if I know the person writing the essay is a lot younger than me. I'm in college, and reading your essay, I'm pretty sure you're younger than that. So there's a lot I think you chould change to make that a much stronger essay that are probably fine as they are for your grade-level. But if you're interested, here are a few suggestions:

One of the things that tipped me off that you're not in college yet were these two sentences: "Mascara is the independent variable in this project." and "Bacteria are the dependent variable in this project." These are very formulaic, and definitely not something you'd find in a college-level lab report (let alone a published paper). The dependent and independent variables should be obvious from your methods section, without being explicitly stated. You might say something like "in this project, we tested the amount of bacteria present in several different types of mascara." From that, it's implied that mascara is the independent variable and baceria is the dependent variable, because you've stated what you're controlling and what you're measuring.

The part about bacteria is choppy. It's all acurate information about bacteria, but you never explain what it has to do with mascara. The background on mascara makes sense: it flows logically, and leads up to what it has to do with bacteria. But the section on bacteria reads like a collection of facts, just kind of stuck together. Try to make it make sense. Every sentence should lead into the next one, and you should try to include only information that's relevent to the project. Photosynthetic bacteria are interesting, but what do they have to do with mascara? What do the different physical shapes of bacteria have to do with mascara? Which ones are you going to study in this project?

Another thing is the last sentence. Don't explicitely state that your project is important; if you've done a good job with the background, it shouldn't need to be said. But do tell the reader just what "this project" is. After "It's safe until it is used" go on to say something like "This project will look at the bacteria found in mascara after it has been used." (I'm just guessing on what you're testing - you should replace that with something that describes what you're actually doing).

But other than that, good essay :) Seriously, I had a lot of suggestions because I don't think it's to your benefit not to point out everything you could do better, but if I were the one grading it, I think it would get pretty close to full marks definitely in middle school and probably even the first year or two of high school.

Answer 2

You have a very informative narrative here, but if you had inserted paragraphs in the appropriate places, the reading and the editing of the piece would have been easier to do.

Here are some of the items needing to be corrected:

1. Insert paragraphs.
2. The mention of a project is made near the beginning and at the end, but you didn't elaborate on the project itself about who is conducting it and what steps are taken to provide successes desired.
3. Change "bacteria from your mouth in to you mascara tube" where appearing to read, "bacteria from your mouth into your mascara tube."
4. The percent sign (%) is rarely used in formal narratives. Spell the word.
5. The word 'pretty' is used too frequently to mean alluring or attractive and is seldom sufficiently descriptive. Consider substituting 'pretty' for a suitable synonym.

Answer 3

About a third of the way down: "long think lashes" should be "long thick lashes" (women overdo mascara).

"Using saliva..into you mascara tube," should be "into your mascara tube."

"Formaldehyde averts bacteria." Are you sure averts is the right word?

Bacteria are ..."membrane bounded" should be "membrane bound." (twice)

"Bacteria are in a group all their own. Bacteria are in the group Monera." should be one sentence, and should probably come earlier in your essay.

"A cell wall grows...creating to cell" should be "two cells."

"conditions are barely ever optimum" should be "rarely, if ever, optimum."

"They don't. It's safe until it is used." This doesn't make sense to me. Also, you might want to include a sentence about what the project is- put it at the beginning to make your essay stand on its own. Good Luck!!

Answer 4

It would be WAY too much work, since the only way to proofread it for you would be to retype it all! I can tell you this, however, right off the top -- it needs to be broken down into many more paragraphs. Good luck.