My girlfriend and I have been together for a year and our planning a wedding for the spring. But we differ in our opinions about religion. I was raised to be a Presbyterian and havent gone to church since I started dating her because she hates church!I admit I am still working out how I feel about religion living a gay life. I want us to do this together but she is hesitant about going to even a "Gay-Friendly" church? What should I do? I love her so much and want to have children. I want our children to go to church because i feel that is important. Please Help!!
2006-12-05 14:20:05 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
There is a saying 'Putting the cart before the horse", and that is what you are doing by saying you want your non-existent children to go to church because you feel it is important. You are asking how to get your girlfriend to go to church with you while acknowledging that she hates church and that you started dating her because she hates church. You are being unfair to her; you knew she hated church when you started dating her and now you are trying to change her when you knew all along how she felt. Going to church is a personal decision, and you should not force her to go, and she should not prevent you from going. No offense, but I hope that your girlfriend isn't trying to change who you are as much as you are trying to change who she is.
2006-12-05 15:07:24 · answer #1 · answered by χριστοφορος ▽ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask yourself why you have such a strong desire to get her to go to church? You describe her as being hesistant ... and you are obviously looking to return. The answer seems simple, go to church and allow her to not go to church.
The fact that you haven't gone to church since you started dating her is not a positive thing. If going to church makes you feel good then you should not change that for someone else, even if she does hate it! She should accept you as you are, just like you should accept her as she is. Do not expect her to attend church anymore than you would expect her to change anything else major in her life.
You wrote : ''I want our children to go to church because i feel that is important.'' -- Important for you? Or important for your children?
I know that you may probably answer ''both'' But be real, what's important to you may not be what's right for everyone else. "Gay-Friendly" church or not !?!
My answer, you are lucky to have found someone that you love, do not try to change her. Do not try to find the BEST way to get her to church. Just attend it yourself (if that's what you want to do) and she will either join you or respect your choice.
Best of luck with that!
My personal opinion - "Gay-Friendly" and church are words that do not go together.
2006-12-05 14:41:48 · answer #2 · answered by Emily 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Firstly, ask her WHY she hates church. If it's because she differs in the fundamental beliefs, you have a lot of issues to hash out before you wed. However, if it's because she's never felt comfortable, or found it "boring," you may have a shot.
Explain to her why it's important to you. Don't pressure her, just inform her. Ask her to go, only once, with you to a service. If she still doesn't enjoy it, you'll have to ask yourself if your love for her can help you compromise. Perhaps she will just respect your beliefs and stay clear of them, but you can't make her be a part of your religion.
As for children, my parents raised me in a Catholic church until I was old enough to make my own decisions about religion. (I haven't been to a church since.) My advice would be to make them attend, but don't make them believe. If they WANT to believe, if they have the faith, it will come to them.
Good luck and congrats!
2006-12-05 14:29:36 · answer #3 · answered by tryxthis 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that happend to me, I was being forced since we were in a relationship to go to catholic church with my then boyfriend. I felt I must sit down for 2 hours as the priest blabbered away and nothing sunk in my head. Since we broke up I never stepped in a church again. If its not in you, especially raised in church, dont force it upon yr love. I feel shameful like, "Im going to pray when convinently needing God"; I'll remember this when Im sick or dying or something.
2006-12-05 15:03:38 · answer #4 · answered by zuegma1977 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should respect her choice just as much as you would like her to respect yours. communication is the key and you must come to an agreement where you both are happy. I myself hate going to church for many reasons and I am ok with my husband going to it. My mother takes my daughter to church also and its ok. If ever my husband or my daughter would ask me to go I might go once or twice as long as they know that its simply not my religion and that I'm only doing it because they asked me to. Don't try to change her beliefs because you would not like it if she tried to change yours. good luck.
2006-12-05 14:33:54 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
give her space if she really loves you she will come around. i have been married for almost 2 years noe but with my husband for about 8 years i just recently got him going to church about a year ago even though his job doesnt allow him to go very often but he does when he can. so be patient and she hopefully will come around. just give her time and space. i hope i was a help
2006-12-05 14:58:28 · answer #6 · answered by candy cane 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why can't you just go to church without her? Please.. leave her alone. Have a discussion about the children. Find out now before it gets too far.
2006-12-05 14:27:50 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The best way? Talk to her about it! Find out why she doesn't want to go. Tell her your feelings about it. Best of luck!
2006-12-05 16:12:31 · answer #8 · answered by carora13 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋