I think I'll lose my husband if he finds out...?

Question

I have financial debts which I have been hiding from my husband and I think if I face up and tell him, he will leave me. Please help.

I do have a job and I have been paying them off myself. I don't have a credit card. I just feel bad keeping this secret from him.

Answer 1

It's better that he finds out from you than by accident or something. Just be honest with him. If he is going to leave over money, he isn't worth having.

Answer 2

First, how did the debts begin. If they started with a habit such as gambling, shopping, drinking, you need to resolve these problems with the help of your husband. when you took that vow, you BOTH promised to be together through the good and bad (unfortunately this is one of them) you have to tell you husband. Also do not sugar coat it, if your husband see your honesty and sincerity then he will probably forgive you. Everything takes time. Also give him room, may be upset for a few days. Leave him speak but also give him a straight and foward answer. You probably would have to make some serious sacrifice to get out of dept but together you both can get through it.
(Plus, if the tables were turn. how would you like it?)

If your husband leaves you, now that's another thing! I have two answers for that.
1> Then he wasn't really a husband. I don't think I ever heard anyone say it was easy. Its hard and deserves a lot of attention, love, and patience.
2. Sorry to say this but, when you went behind his back and got these financial debts you were basically gambling with your marriage. Hope this will be a lesson to be honest and open with him in order to prevent another problem.

I am sure he is a great guy that's willing to listen, because other wise you wouldn't have marry! Hope things work out for you.

Answer 3

Well if he does love you he will forgive. But you should really think of a better reason to tell him why you didn't share this information with him a long time ago.If you knew it was wrong then it must be WRONG.You're in a marriage and you share everything bills included, so you only hurt yourself in every way by not talking to him early on and telling him what happened. If its a gambling problem then you should seek out some help and let him know that you need his support. I'm sure he will understand if you truly are sorry. Good luck to you. Take care and be safe.

Answer 4

Tell him the truth. If he threatens to leave remind him that if he were to divorce you right now he would be responsible for that debt as much as you are (the joy of marriage). It would be easier to pay the debt working together. Don't lie and hide things from your husband if your doing something you have to lie and hide, you must be doing something you shouldn't be or you would just tell him right?

You sound like my mother.

Answer 5

You need to tell him because he will find out sooner or later. A marriage can't work if there are secrets. If he is the type of man who will leave you just because you have financial debts, then he is not worth it. Love should be worth more than money.

Answer 6

hmm... you seems to be pretty lost.. Well, truth cannot be hidden for too long, one day he will know, it's better for you to tell him slowly don't scare him, firstly, find out a way to settle gradually before you bring this matter to your husbands ears. If it is a small sum you can seek a help from your family members and friends, otherwise face the realilty and be open about it with your husband, if you have to face the consequences you got to.. bear in mind that with you own knowledge you have incurred this causes, i'm sure there will be a way

Answer 7

It sounds like things have gotten out of hand and beyond your control. He will find out one way or another. You need help for yourself.

Take this quiz and see if you may have a problem with credit card debt and overspending.

http://www.debtorsanonymous.org/help/questions.htm

It sounds like you can already answer yes to number 8.

There is help if you want it.

Answer 8

Now there's a true test for love. Money does get in between relationships and fights over money have done their share of marital devastation. Maybe if you changed your spending habits first and started paying down your debts, then approach him with it. At least you can show you're not doing that anymore. That's the real worry -- how much more debt will you take on?

Answer 9

What kinda dept do you owe for him to leave you?you have a job you pay your own bills,i don't understand the problem..if he was any kind of a husband you should be able to explain yourself to him without him leaving you,you didn't say what kind of dept or even how much in dept you are in,,maybe he will even help you out a bit..you no your husband better then we do....

Answer 10

Look if your paying the bills off, and he doesn't know anything about them then let it go just keep paying the bills until they are all paid up and off your back,
then if you want to talk about it with him do so....
but my question is this if you have stood up to your responsibility's and paid the bills then what good is it going to do talking about it's already in the pass.
And beside your Husband doesn't own you he is your partner not your jail keeper after all you are an individual and it's your money.
I say just keep paying the bills until they are all paid up, then say or think nothing more about it.
your decision good luck.

And God Bless You Both.

Candyman

Answer 11

Since you rang up the bills -- do what ALL of us Single Moms out here do everyday -- get up and out, get a JOB, and use that money from the earnings to PAY THE BILLS.

YOU need to face up to the fact that you have a spending problem ... and YOU need to admit this to yourself, and then ... to YOUR HUSBAND -- who sooner or later is going to be blind-sided by YOUR out of control spending habits.

GET yourself into therapy or treatment -- there is treatment available for people who can't stop shopping or spending.