I have left my wife and kids to move into a house with a girlfriend that I have been cheating with for a year now. I realize it is a mistake to end my family of 16 years and I also am aware that I have really hurt my family. Over this past year I convienced myself that everything my wife did or said was poison and I didn't like her ways but I'm not sure if it is really true or not but maybe I had to brainwash myself so I wouldn't feel guilty, I don't know. I do know that I do not want the responsibility of another family (girlfriend has 3 kids) and I do miss my own but have made myself pretty scarse and when I do see my wife it usually is an arguement. She doesn't understand how I can do this to us and she wants answers, I'm not comfortable talking so I just avoid her. I'm not sure which may to go here, any advice.
2006-12-05 13:47:09 · 13 answers · asked by John D 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Maybe you should realize that what you have done is a mistake. You have committed adultry against your wife and she has every reason to not speak to you, but marriages have been saved after this kind of affair. You have to admit that you made a mistake and ask for her forgiveness and then you both need to start counseling, both individual and joint. If there is any chance that your marriage can be saved, then that is what needs to be done. Your children will never respect you for doing this to their mother? Is this adulterous affair worth loosing your children over or your marriage. We all make mistakes, we are human, it is knowing when to admit it and repent of it. My prayers are with you.
2006-12-05 14:14:02 · answer #1 · answered by Sally B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You made a huge mistake, so now you have to be a MAN. You can't make yourself scarce or avoid your family. It isn't about comfort but reclaiming your family. You need to ditch the girlfriend and get your own place first. Then you need to find a way to "support" your kids financially and emotionally. Finally, get some help, counseling for yourself first. In time if the wife sees that you are making changes in your life, maybe it can lead to some positive conversation. After that it is up to you but nothing is guaranteed. Prayer would not hurt because you may need a miracle. But at least you realized you made a mistake.
2006-12-05 14:31:42 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
As you already said you were wrong to end your marriage only because of the way that you did it. One big problem is the fact that you do not talk to your wife, it is all about communication and you do not have that. You should try taking your wife someplace where only the two of you will be and just ask her to listen. It may help if you write what you want to say and just read it to her. For whatever reason you cheated on your wife that is in the past now, time to move forward especially for the children. You wil have to answer all of their questions about why you left their mom, and trust me this is something that I know about personally. My father cheated on my mom and left of course, then he left that woman and married another one with six children that he had the nerve to adopt. If he would have just talked to my mom maybe things could have ended better, this has been 22 years ago and to this day it still hurts. So think about the children.
2006-12-05 13:58:38 · answer #3 · answered by 2good4hem 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. You have to leave your girlfriend immediately, get your own place and clear your head. You may want to seriously consider counseling.
2. It's important that you face up to the damage you've done to your wife, your kids and to yourself. I'm not saying beat yourself up behind it, that won't accomplish anything and won't move you forward. I'm saying accept responsibility for what happened.
3. You have to find a way to communicate with your family instead of avoiding them. The longer you avoid them the more difficult it will be for them to trust you again.
4. Do you want to reconcile with your wife? If so, tell her and do what it takes to put the reconciliation in motion. Commit to going to marriage counseling. Be prepared to answer the questions she and your kids will have for you. It won't be easy, but you will need to do it to get your life back together.
You've acknowledged that you've made a tremendous mistake. No one feels the pain of that like you do. But...you can't stay in an emotional fetal position forever. You have to commit to straightening out your life; you must understand that it's going to be a challenge; you have to believe that regaining the love and respect of your wife and family is worth every effort.
With a lot of effort, you can pull through this. I agree with others in this post; if your girlfriend has an inkling that you're ready to bail, she may try and complicate your life further by becoming pregnant. Get out of this relationship NOW. A pregnancy with this woman would be the nail in the coffin of any hopes you have in reconciling with your wife and family.
2006-12-05 15:10:36 · answer #4 · answered by Le_Roche 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's your family, were talking about a wife & kids here that you belong to. Don't run out on them just because things are going bad right now. Marriage is through good times & bad times remember? You should start making up for leaving by coming back to them & building strong communication with eachother so this does'nt happen again. 16 yrs is too much to let go of. Your wife has the right to act the way she is right now. You have been cheating on her for a long time! It will take her awhile to trust you, forgive & forget this. Think about it....16 yrs of marriage vs. 1 year of cheating with a girlfriend who has 3 kids. Is it really worth it? If you think so now....you won't think so 20 yrs from now when it's too late & that your kids hate you for leaving them & their mom.
2006-12-05 13:57:40 · answer #5 · answered by sugarBear 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you go out on your own for a while without a girlfriend. Get your own place. And start dating your wife to get to know eachother again. Ask her out to dinner or a movie. If you really have that hard of a time talking to eachother you may need a mediator (counseling)and yes you are a jerk for hurting your family.
2006-12-05 13:53:02 · answer #6 · answered by HDGranny 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your kids are # 1 priority. REGARDLESS of how YOU feel. Funny.............when the mistress starts acting like a wife, she isn't much fun now is she? It is pretty obvious you have problems communicating. You may want to revisit that issue. Move away from the girlfriend, get in touch with your kids, and make sure to keep your pants zipped or your girlfriend will trap you into have her baby. Get a clue, dude.
2006-12-05 13:52:51 · answer #7 · answered by WDS 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
if she still loves you maybe she would take you back,,but im afraid that the damage has been done. im sure she hurts alot and may never forgive you.
the poor children always suffer from this too but im sure they would love for you to come back home.
i have had 2 husbands, the 1st one had 4 kids, the 2nd had 2 kids. step kids are just hard. and being a step parent is very hard too.
i think your screwed. you made your bed, now sleep in it.
sorry. but its true
2006-12-05 14:01:56 · answer #8 · answered by rhonda3826 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i did just that and after 11 months of being with the woman i left my wife of 14 yrs for, i am more misserable that i ever was in my 14 yrs of marriage. first the great sex we were having in the beginning went away after we moved in together, she decided that our relationship needed to be based on love not sex. she blew my money, got my pikc-up truck repo'd and when i do want to make love when i get home (i drive an 18 wheeler) after being gone 3 weeks, she has to have alcohol to relax enough to make love to me and she is in essense a real witch with a b. don't do it stay with your wife, work it out, the other woman is not worth it.
2006-12-05 13:54:41 · answer #9 · answered by keithy 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Get your own apartment. Terminate your relationship with that girlfriend. She WILL burn you. Seek professional counseling with your wife, it really does work. You can find some good tips here: Http://www.marriagebuilders.com.
2006-12-05 14:00:14 · answer #10 · answered by Leo F 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋