We are engaged, but according to the wishes of our parents we would get married a year after we graduate, around 22. We've been together for 1.5 years, and to wait another 3-4 years (to have sex) is a bit hard... We are Christians and are saving sex for marriage. I keep thinking we should just get married, since we are very sure of our relationship... Is it unreasonable for two people in college to get married? No wedding... Just legally-- with the wedding when we can afford it. Same with the ring. We're just two people very much in love. I keep thinking it's unreasonable because we both don't really have much of an income, and are being supported by our parents to live in college dorms. There would be no chance of getting an apartment or moving in to live together... at least not right away... Advice from the older and wiser please?
2006-12-05 13:35:52 · 28 answers · asked by reba 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I commend you on saving yourself for each other. It is the best decision you will ever make and will never regret. I would not recommend marriage. Wait until you can support yourself. If you are married then you will not be given your college aid based on your parents and who will pay for your college? What if your parents refuse to pay for the rest of your college because you went against their wishes. As christians you should honor your mother and father. They do know what they are talking about. If you are truely in love and God is at the center of your life then follow his will not yours. It will work out. Is getting married just to have sex really in God's plan for your life?
2006-12-05 13:41:57 · answer #1 · answered by Sally B 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, I was raised catholic all my life, from private school to every sunday at church. But I can say this, I did not wait for marriage to have sex. That does not mean that I do not respect God,myself, or my family. I simply did not want to commit myself to someone if we could not be physically happy as well as emmotionally happy. Your desire for marriage is being pushed by your desire for sex, plain and simple.That does not make you a bad person, unholy or anything else. What it makes you is human.Youre young and hungry for the unknown. Sometimes it does work out, young marriages, but really the statistics are that you end up thinking of the what if's and could've later on in life.You may not feel that right now because you are "so much in love" but your judgement is also clouded by our natural feelings of lust, hunger of the unknown, so on. Dont beat yourself up about it and maybe you should just enjoy the physical pleasures of love (using all methods of birth control of course) and then when you are 22 and still feel the same way (because you can not say the same now as you will or would in 2yrs--so much can happen) then it will be something the both of you have connected with already and will only have a stronger bond. But my suggestion and feelings only. I know it may go against all that you have been taught but its ultimately up to you in the end. Good luck to you, take care.
2006-12-05 22:05:24 · answer #2 · answered by Nikie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're very much in love and certain that you want to spend the rest of your lives together, there is no hurry! You will not need a legal proceeding to bind you, and you can wait until you're in a better position to make that decision.
However, being Christian, surely you know that St. Paul said, "It is better to marry than burn". :-)
However:
If it is your belief that premarital sex is wrong, you need to assess whether you would be marrying just to have sex. Is that really better than doing it without being married? Shouldn't the only reason for being married be a desire to spend the rest of your lives together, independent of your families ("For a man shall leave his mother...", etc.) and raise a family? Isn't the Christian ideal behind marriage the idea that you are united before God as independent adults?
I don't mean to be mean, but if you are living in dorms and supported by your parents, you can't call yourselves "independent" or "adult" -- two important prerequisites for a successful marriage, Christian or otherwise.
If you're basing a decision to marry on whether or not you can hold out for so long without having sex, you may want to reassess what marriage really means.
Still, I respect a great deal that you are thoughtful enough to ask these questions and wise enough to care deeply about the answers. Perhaps the two of you should talk to a clergyperson of your faith and see what he or she says. It couldn't hurt!
Best of luck to both of you. It's wonderful to be young and in love. :-)
2006-12-05 21:53:09 · answer #3 · answered by sparticle 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I have to commend you for waiting! It is hard to do but will make the relationship so much better if you do wait. As for getting married now, yeah it makes sense to wait but since you are a Christian I'd have to say pray about it and go from there. It will be hard and could cause problems in some areas like if you are on your parents insurance they will most likely drop you if you are married. On the other hand you could be eligible for more assistance as a young married couple. Over all you just have to really think about it and pray about it and weight the pros and cons. I wouldn't suggest just getting married so that you can have sex though. Waiting will be worth it and you will be rewarded in the end! Good luck and trust God to lead you in the right direction!!
2006-12-05 21:49:18 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok, well hang on with how you say older and wiser. I'm only 34 for god's sake. :o) Kidding. If you are in love that is fabulous. That love will be there in 3-4 years when you get married. Do NOT rush it. You have soooo much time. Finish college for sure, don't complicate it with marriage. Life is complicated enough sometimes. I would respect your parents wishes. And hold off on the sex. Very wise.... Best of luck!
2006-12-05 21:40:00 · answer #5 · answered by hazelblue 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like the sex is more important than marriage. I am in my 30's and have been married to my husband since age 17. You need to ask yourself if sex is the only reason to get married. Living with parents after married is not a good idea. I do not regret getting married young. Be honest with yourself and really think about why you can't wait.
2006-12-05 22:48:03 · answer #6 · answered by magnut33 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
For you and the scenario you have presented it is completely UNREASONABLE for you two to get married, since it would only be to have sex. You wouldn't be able or capable of doing the things that married people should do. And what if you got pregnant?! Part of having sex is the responsibility that it entails. You can't support yourself but you can chance having a child. You can't think through your lust induced mind. Do not get married and control your urges with your BF.
I'm not saying that college folk shouldn't get married. OHH, no! My husband was in college when we married. I worked, he went to school, we rented a house, we had health insurance from my job, and we did the best we could on our own. Yes, $ was tight but we were a united front.
2006-12-05 21:52:31 · answer #7 · answered by Poppet 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most thinking people will tell you to wait. It's the very rare 19yo's that can get married young, not regret it and stay married happily. You may also have more money at that time. Well, you'll have college loans but perhaps you'll have some time to save money. Also be sure that it's not the idea of being able to have sex once married that's motivating you.
Really pray about it. God's grace...
2006-12-05 21:43:41 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you shouldn't get married until you can pay for yourselves because you can't expect your parents to pay for you when you get married. You also won't be under their health insurance any more.
But 3-4 years is such a long time to wait to have sex. I'm a christian too, but I don't consider sex to be a sin. The 10 commandments say not to commit adultury. Having sex with your fiance isn't cheating. Getting married just to have sex and not living together doesn't make much sense. Just go on and have sex, but don't feel guilty about it!
2006-12-05 22:17:27 · answer #9 · answered by kadan 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's not weird to get married at 19. Many have done it before you. However, I strongly suggest finishing school before getting married. College is a fun, but stressful time in life. Marriage on top of that is quite a bit to take on.
2006-12-05 22:21:52 · answer #10 · answered by tannedknight45 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋