Husband says I could lose a few pounds. I feel hurt. Am I overreacting?

Question

I have had 2 kids and went back to work 9 months ago. Mostly as a result of going back towork and sitting all day after being a stay at home mom for 3 years, I quickly put on 7-8 pounds. I also eat at night because I am lonely. I would hate to lose the weight because of what he said . We don't have sex anymore because of my weight. ps. I weight 135lbs and used to weight 128lbs.I am 5'3. Not throwing a pity party, just wanting opinions.

Answer 1

He's a bone head. You're totally not over weight and no ones perfect. Good lord. Tell him to lose the fat around his mouth and back off! ;o)

Answer 2

If and when you decide to lose the weight, do it for yourself. When you look in the mirror, decide whatever needs to change is what you and you alone see. If your husband wanted you to stay thin and keep your shape, then perhaps you should not have agreed to have kids. But you did. Having kids will wreck havoc on the best of bodies. So he has the problem. He is comparing you to some thin bimbo in the world, and wants you to conform. If he loves you truly, he won't put you down first off. And there are more loving ways for you both to get in shape, like working out together, walking together. What does he look like I wonder? P.S. you are not having a pity party. When someone that professes to love you puts you down, it stinks and it hurts. You don't have sex anymore because of a control issue that your husband has. Period!

Answer 3

Wow only eight pounds, good for you. I am the same height as you are and only have one child and weigh tons more then you do. I think you are fine. There does come a point where it can get out of hand (like with me) and could possibly affect your health. I know what you mean about the eating at night but you should try to find another way before that gets out of hand. There is nothing wrong with your weight now, I am not trying to say that but I know how quickly it can sneak up on you. I would just tell him that it hurt you and ask him what was his motive for saying that. Ask him how he would feel if you said that to him.

Answer 4

Ok here is a guys perspective who is also married with one child.Now I am going to be blatant so we can get to the point. After the baby my wife showed obvious signs of post pregnancy which I wont get into but you get the point. I have also put on a nice belly since we got married so I guess we are even. There is no easy way to talk about weight especially to your spouse but what he said seems very inappropriate. If he is slim and in good shape that one thing, but I doubt he looks like Fabio of you know what I mean. If you really love him regardless of what was said, let him see you working hard to lose the weight, he will appreciate it and then in turn want to make you happy. To be honest there is nothing worse for a guy than when his wife just totally lets herself go. Hope that helps....

Answer 5

Your husband is upset about 7 pounds? If you had said that you gained 40, well yeah, I could see how that might cause concern. But 7 pounds?

And, in the years that you've been married, how much weight has he put on?

I wouldn't worry about your 7 pound weight gain. To me, the fact that he can see 7 pounds is incredible! I am left to wonder what else is going on that would cause your husband to not want to have sex with you.

Answer 6

I think you shouldn't feel bad about what he said, but if you feel you should lose a few then do so.
I'll tell you what lose more than a few pounds and he will get really jealous because heads are going to be turning especially if you purchase some new clothes because of the weight loss.
I am sure there are things that he could improve on and if you started pointing those out he wouldn't be able to take it.

Answer 7

It is not as though you are grossly obese, you aren't even remotely overweight and I think your husband's comments were totally uncalled for. You need to sit down and explain to him that you are feeling sensitive about this issue and that his comments make you feel like turning to food for comfort. If he doesn't understand or he continues to be insensitive, then you need to seriously think what this relationship means to you. You should only ever lose weight for yourself, but your husband making a big deal over 8 measly pounds is pathetic.

I'm thinking he may have issues that go a lot deeper than your weight. He may be using your weight as an excuse not to have sex for other reasons. Can I ask if he saw you giving birth? I know this can affect the way a man feels towards his wife sexually. Another reason might be that he is finding it hard to separate his feelings for you as the mother of his children and you as his wife. It can be difficult to rediscover your feelings for one another after having a child. Maybe counselling could help, but you two definitely need to talk. HTH : )

Answer 8

Honey I would trade places with you in heartbeat! I have had six children, I am not big, but I could stand to lose a few pounds (few being twenty!) My man says to me, "you are so sexy, more to love, sure you could be 'healthier' but I love the curves." He says I am fat is such a sweet way doesn't he? But 8 pounds, you could lose that in two weeks, just walk twenty minutes a day. Besides, not all people snap back to their previous shape after having kids. Most of the time, a guy will say things that are, what we would say is mean, and totally not intending it to be that way. (There are exceptions.) Guys are forward, to the point beings, and when they are comfortable with a woman they will speak to her just as he does to his friends. If he did mean this to be mean, then he deserves whatever you can throw at him! I would love to see 130 again, hell I would be thrilled to see 150 again!

Answer 9

I wanted to give you a witty rhetoric, but I simply can't! What kind of idiot would actually tell his wife something so hurtful???? Let's see him give birth to two kids and see how much weight he gains. Pathetic excuse for a husband!!!! Why don't you ask him how much he has gained, or how much hair he's lost, or some other tacky question and see what it does for his self esteem! Be proud of who you are, a good mother and obviously a wife with A LOT of patience! If you want to lose 7lbs, do it for yourself not because of his sorry warped sense of perfection! You have every right to feel hurt when someone you love is so tactless. Good luck to you sweetie. He should be lucky you didn't clock him upside his head for that statement.

Answer 10

Man some guys have balls LOL...If I ever said that to my wife...well it would be a few weeks before I could type again LOL IF you want to lose the extra pounds...then do it for YOU...not him....AND if you do then tell him....you know hon you don't need a Quonset to house a Volkswagen...you could lose a few pounds yourself. I am sure that HIS body has changed over the years....I know mine has...I have gone from having a six pack....to a 24 pack LOL but my wife does not point it out to me....she loves all of me....and over the years there is WAY more to love LOL
Best of luck.

Answer 11

People can tell you all day long that you shouldn't feel hurt, but you do. The best thing you can do is be honest with your husband and let him know that he hurt you, whether he meant to or not. Next...if you are feeling uncomfortable in your skin, do something about it. Not for him, for yourself. I know exactly how you feel--my husband and I went through the exact same thing. He was worried (I had just been diagnosed with a chronic illness and had put on weight due to depression), not trying to be mean. Talk to your husband.