a stay home mom, my husband works out of town and does not want me to have a job (insecure, thinks Ill leave or something) anyways, I told him I wanted a car and he can afford another car, he said he would get me a car 5 months ago and in the last 5 months has had plenty of money to do so, he just keeps making excuses to NOT buy me one (used) I am getting fed up with this and I have decided that I was done being nice and have since cut off from sex (sex only) and told him he wont get any until I get a car, I have said I would get a job and he said "why, ill get you a car" and hasnt yet.
He wants to be a contolling wench, well now I will be.
2006-12-05 12:19:52 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Since I dont work and I am mom at home full time, "our" money is really "his" money...I dont have any money, so I cat just go buy one.
2006-12-05 12:23:14 · update #1
When he is out of town, I cant leave the house with my kid unless I take he bus (which is a huge hassel) or call and ask someone for a ride, which I hate, because when they say they will pick you up a 4 they mean 7.
2006-12-05 12:24:18 · update #2
If you really have enough money, go buy one.
2006-12-05 12:21:26 · answer #1 · answered by jj2000 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why can't you go and get your own car? I know you are a stay at home mom but if you need to get a job so that you can get a car then do that. Do you have any transportation at all? What about taking the kids around how do you do that without a car?
2006-12-05 12:22:45 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have to say, I'm worried about you. Your husband sounds very controlling-- and he's using economic control to dominate you. Economic control is one of the most hurtful ways to exert power over someone and is designed to destroy the victim's self esteem. This is actually a form of psychological abuse that could eventually lead to much worse behavior, including physical violence.
Domestic violence doesn't happen overnight. No one gets into a relationship knowing that they will be abused... it happens gradually and this type of behavior is a huge red flag. Passive agressive behavior such as witholding sex will not help the situation... it may only inflame your husband to lash out in other ways.
Please get help immediately. Try the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE. They can give you good advice and refer you to professionals in your area. They have several rescources for men as well-- it sounds like your husband would also benefit from some counseling and awareness. They have a good website-- www.dvrp.org.
Good luck!
2006-12-05 12:44:20 · answer #3 · answered by webguru1311 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay....first off by USING sex as a "Tool" you are really prostituting yourself....so why even go there. I can understand why you would not want to make love to someone who does not treat you as " the one they love" BUT to use that to get a car.....wrong. Having said that I would just tell him if you can NOT have a way of taking the kids out without taking a bus or getting a ride then you are going to get a job and buy your own car. But do NOT lower yourself to using sex to get what you want....its just dam degrading....unless you are into that kind of thing..
Best of luck
2006-12-05 12:32:40 · answer #4 · answered by oldman 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
put ur foot down ur not a child and if he isnt gonna buy u one then tell him u are gettin a job and gettin one. that ur an adult and u need a car for the kids and so u can get out the house with the kids. that things need to change around there and he can either live with u with some new rules n guidelines or live without u and hope his next wife likes doin without bc he is insecure. tell him u love him but u need more than 4 walls and kids everyday
2006-12-05 12:23:59 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am not advocating him being so controling of you, because that isnt right, but try the next time you see him, telling him that you respect something about him (even if it is a lie for now) make him really believe it, and keep it up. then ask in a little while if he was just waiting for christmas to get you a car, and smile and jump up and down and say how thoughful it was of him, long enough before christmas that he could go out and get you one.
2006-12-05 12:29:30 · answer #6 · answered by lllll 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's keeping you under his control and this is not good for your kids. You need to see a lawyer and get yourself a job and get the heck out. This whole situation is not right. Cutting off sex, that's it, change the locks on the doors the next time he is out of town. His bigger fear seems to be your independence. Sex he can find else where.
2006-12-05 12:35:00 · answer #7 · answered by Pandora 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is what you do;;;;;well thats if you want....
find a babysitter then go out on the bus or walk .....find you a job save your money and buy you a car,, you have to show him that he cant control you.you have to.....and if he leaves because of this then im sorry but it was for the best.nobody i mean nobody is a mouse thats gets traped.thats straight up bs
get a hold of your life woman if not for you but at lease for your child or children teach them not to let someone control you,, you are your own person just as he is. love is one thing but self respect is another.
2006-12-05 15:28:13 · answer #8 · answered by lilastevenson42 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Awwwwwwww! The old sex as a weapon trick huh?Wont get you far though. That will only make matters worse.Try explaining to him that you want to contribute to your relationship by working and trying to take some of the burden of being a sole provider for the family off from him.And tell him your sorry for trying to use denial of sex to him to achieve this.Or maybe he believes that the man provides and the woman takes care of what he is able to provide for you and him.Have you asked him?Good luck. Life is to short.Find what works for YOU.
2006-12-05 12:37:46 · answer #9 · answered by hangmanknot 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is 2006.we do not let men control us.we work make our money pay the bills.you better go to work and get you a car girl.we have to get places,we don't have time for a insecure man.this is our lives,you better do what makes you happy because life is to short.you put your kids in daycare they will learn a whole lot more there then at home.my husbands grandmother was like that,let her husband control her now she is sick.and he is 86 years old and still can do everything.i refuse to be like that .i would rather be by myself.
2006-12-05 12:32:43 · answer #10 · answered by cool mom32 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Next time he came home on the weekend the kids would be at Saturday daycare and I would be out in my new car i financed in his name to get back and forth to my new job. That's if i were you. Show him what Granite Queen means.
2006-12-05 12:50:11 · answer #11 · answered by tim b 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋