Is there anyone out there who stayed with an alcoholic?

Question

Is there anyone out there who was in a relationship/married with an alcoholic and he eventually sobered up? How long did it take? Looking back are you glad you stayed?

Answer 1

My husband and I have been married for 24 years of those 24 years he drank 17 of them he sobered up 4 yrs ago but 5 yrs ago he went into rehab when he got out he stayed sober for 1 month then went back drinking. One morning he got up and told me to take away any access he had to money that he had to quit drinking for himself I thought oh boy here we go again but he hasn't had a drink since and it has been the best 4 years of our marriage. We are going to be grandparents soon and we have both been to see the ultrasounds together

Answer 2

well I've known both situations, but not personally (meaning not my spouse). I have a good friend who lived with us for a couple of years. He used to be an alcoholic. I don't know what caused him to keep drinking, but at one point he got very sick, and they couldn't figure out what was wrong with him. At that point God got a hold of him and his life has been turned around 180 degrees. Now (many years later) he's a great guy, he has been sober for a couple of decades, and if you got to know him, you wouldn't guess that he used to be a notorious drunk. His wife stood by him when he was a drunk, now he is standing by her wife and taking care of her as she is having serious medical problems.

The opposite example is my father in law (I guess he would be my ex-father in law, since my mother in law divorced him this year). They were married for over 35 years during which time he had many periods when he lapsed back into being a drunk and adulterer. She was right in there drinking with him, but as their kids started growing, she sobered up and did her best to become a responsible mother. He apparently did that too, but we now know that it was just a sham. My wife always idolized her father and kept telling me what a model person he was. About 2 years ago the whole thing just fell appart and he went back to openly drinking and cheating on his wife, (which he had been doing the whole time behind her back). She now divorced him, and I think she wishes she had done that earlier.
Some people will never come around.

Answer 3

I was married to an alcoholic. He promised many times to get help with his alcohol problem. When he was drunk, he was abusive and horrible and I hated him. He did a lot of damage to our relationship and it takes a strong woman/man to look beyond the alcohol. I obviously wasnt strong enough because I could not forget the things he did and said while he was drunk. He hurt me emotionally and I wasnt able to forgive him for that. When he was late coming home, I would automatically assume he was out drinking...and he usually was. Even when he was clean for any length of time, I was always waiting until he became victim again. I divorced him after 7 years. I couldnt believe he would ever get help, simply because he said it when all else would fail and he knew I would leave. When I finally had enough and left, he threatened to kill himself, but I was at the point where I didnt particularly much care what he did...I didnt even like the man he became...I know it was the alcohol that did it to him, but I am a human being and I deserve to be treated better than he treated me. I wanted better so I left him. Since I left him, he has been married 5 times. I saw him down the street about 12 months ago and he looked old...He was grey, his face was pale, he looked like he was ready to die. He must have known it was the alcohol that made him go through so many wives, he must have known it was the alcohol that drained him of his health. He obviously loved alcohol more than he loved anything or anyone else. I am glad I got out when I did because I could never have trusted him because he broke my trust so many times. I fell out of love with him because of the alcohol and I just couldnt get it back....too much damage had been done, and I dont think it would have mattered whether he sobered up for good, it still didnt take back the hurt of the past. A woman or man who has not been scarred by their spouse's alcoholism I think is only kidding themselves. My hat goes off to the spouses of alcoholics who go the distance and see their partner become sober. I think the sad fact is though, once he/she becomes sober, there really isnt a lot in common anymore because of the deeds of the past. I think many women are left bewildered and lost when their man becomes sober because as much as they want to forget the deeds of the past, those deeds have destroyed them in some way and they are nowhere near the person they were. The partner of an alcoholic is usually the one who suffers the most. Their self esteem takes a beating as well as their body in some instances....It is such a huge thing to forgive and forget...and if we manage to get through it, then we are usually only half the person we once were. My advice to anyone who is married to an alcoholic is to get out earlier rather than later because it is yourself who will suffer the most. We may love the man we married, but alcohol soon ruins that, and once you fall out of love, then it is very hard to get it back even if he does become sober. I guess we stay out of feeling responsible and in my books that is not good enough. It is our preservation we must look after first. An alcoholic will destroy you.

Answer 4

I was recently with a guy who is an alcoholic and he was bipolar .He told me he was gonna quit drinking and he did (for 6 days) . I left the place i was staying and when he flipped out and threw me out suddenly i had nowhere to go. Thank god for my parents ! They took me in and i have been here 2 weeks now. Alcoholics may quit drinking but remember that they will always be an alcoholic , always !

Answer 5

Yes, did stay. But alcoholics are not available for a relationship.... they already have one with the alcohol!!!!!!! If it had been just one addiction, probably would have remained, even though his relationship with me was somewhere down near the goldfish. But alcoholics usually combine it with tons of other "relationships" -- gambling, drugs, computer porn, their jobs, etc. When it included another women, I left, and never looked back. Wished I had left sooner..... alcohol or just one addictions is not good, but if everything else is at least neutral, the relationship is at least tolerable

Answer 6

My mom has stayed. He is a "highly functioning alcoholic". Most people hear alcoholic & picture a drunk, but my step father is rarely drunk. He has built up an absurd tolerance for alcohol. He "drinks to avoid withdrawal". It's odd frankly, I thought alcoholics were addicted to being drunk, but he isn't like that. I've known him for 21yrs. & I have only seen him drunk a few times. She has threatened to leave because she fears his liver will eventually fail, but he falls to pieces without her, so she gives in. She is happy, but concerned for his health. She tolerates it because from ages 16-21 he was addicted to heroin. He rehabilitated, he thought. ...But the doctor's simply turned his addiction from Heroin to Methadone. That lead to him needing to rehabilitate all over again. She feels that he has struggled so much, he's technically not a drunk, & she wants to be understanding of the physical pain he suffers everytime he tries to stop. Ironically doctors have suggested Valium to help with the withdrawal! ...But he is afraid to do that. He has tried, & will keep trying. Hopefully he will succeed & add some years to his life!

I guess that's what happens when you allow it to progress for so long; even when your mind is ready, your body is not. Only you can decide what the right move is for you. Follow your instincts. If you feel, deep down, that you need to leave then you should. Your primary concern needs to be you!

Good luck with your situation; I hope it works out for you!

Answer 7

my wife stayed with me. I'm a recovering alcoholic. i have 5 years sobriety now. it has been the best 5 years of my life. the wife and i are closer now then we was. we just celebrated 16 years of marriage. me and the kid are closer now too. i love my family very much and would not want to hurt them again by drinking.

Answer 8

My mother stayed much too long with her alcoholic husband (my father)...he created some horrible moments in our life. Don't do it.

Answer 9

ummm my uncle was an alcholic and hes been sober for three yeaRS he went to aa maeetings and they reaslly helped he was one of those guys getting in trouible with the law but he change sooo much

Answer 10

Yes, he did. It took him a couple months.
And I'm glad I stayed because I helped him through it.