I'm going to have to start a new life as a single parent.?

Question

At this point it isn't a question of if we will divorce but when. My only concern is how much will I need to start a new life for my daughter and me. I'll have to find a two bedroom apartment, a job, a decent used car, take care of daycare expenses and depending on whether or not we get back to the US in 08 or 09, before and after school care. Granted there is spousal and child support that will be awarded I do not want to count on that soley. Neither do I want to mooch off my parents. If anyone has been in this situation i would like an estimate of how much money you had or should have had to strike out on your own. And even though I know my future ex-husband would sell his soul to make sure my daughter and I had what we need to survive I do not want to undue strain on him, the woman he's in love with already has two kids and they are going to have to make a new life for themselves after the divorce.

he will live up to his legal responsiblities and then some. i have no doubt of that. i just don't want to be dependant on him again

He will support his daughter, and I want him to. If I didn't make that clear earlier I apologize. He has a tendency to spoil our daughter. And when I am out of the picture he will be managing his finances alone. I am being practical. If he has to take a second job to meet his financial reponsibilites he will have absolutely no time to spend with our daughter. So long as she has what she needs in life, food, shelter, health care and quality time with her dad life will be good for everyone. With that said once we go our seperate ways I will be in NC. I hope this has cleared up anything that was fuzzy in the intial question. Thanks

Answer 1

whats this? you are married to the guy, have his child but you don't want to put undue pressure on him to support his child just because he is leaving u to go to some one else with children..are those other children his?if not, well i feel for the children, why are you going to make yours suffer?
it does take alot to make it on your own. i am a single mother.. who is working 2 jobs to support me and my son without his dads help..
day care depending on where u find it runs about 100 a week, ontop of rent add 500-600 a month and then the bills...and dont forget to add a car in...so it is going to be expensive...again depending on where u live and what u will need...
just take care of your self...u can be strong..but don't let the guy get away with not helping...dont worry about putting undue pressure on him..he helped create your child...he can help support them

Answer 2

Okay hold everything. I was in your shoes and walked out with nothing and ended up being 5000.00 in debit. I had to count on my family for emergency housing (I was pregnant when I left). It was either leave or die. You are going to need an apartment. Check into low income housing if that is an issue, but let you ex help you.

He may have a new woman with two kids in his life, but he has a responsibility to take care of his daughter. If she needs anything you both need to make sure she gets it. I'm not trying to push the other two kids out, but it takes two people to make them two too and their father should be helping the other women take care of her kids, so don't be so nice. Your daughters daddy must put her first. You are going to need first, last and security deposit for an apartment, enough money for electricity est about 250-300 a month during the winter, depending on where you live. phone est. 100.00 a month, cable (not really necessary unless you have no reception) basic about 50.00 a month. Food est 100 a week. Car and insurance (depending on your age and car) est 100-250 a month. This doesn't include clothes and daycare, which you should be splitting with your ex.

When you do go to court go for every other year claiming your daughter on your taxes. Shared non-insured medical cost, dental and college cost.

Good luck.

Answer 3

Wow, you sound so mature and level headed. God bless you!!

There is no sure way to put a real number to the amount you need. There are so many factors involved. What area will you live in? What kind of skills do you have? What type of lifestyle are you looking to afford?

When I was a new single mom, I rented a small apartment and I slept on the couch. That worked out just fine for a few years. The most important thing is that you and your daughter are in a safe comfortable place.

I hope things turn out really well for you.

Answer 4

Undue strain on him? This is your daughter, and it sounds like shes already in a bad situation...I'd say both of you will have to deal with some undue strain. Obviously he has already moved on, without you and your daughter! He needs to help you as much as he can start moving on with yours and that means FINANCIAL SUPPORT! I would say the first thingyou need to do is account for what nmnoney you have already! Discuss which assets you might have that you can sell....unused furniture, jewelry, etc. Next get a job so you can start building a financial future for yourself and your daughter. I know you don't want to mooch off of your parents, but trust me its worth swallowing your pride for your daughters sake. You could take a loan from them and agree to pay them back as you go along. You might even be able to stay with them while you save money. Depending on where you live I'd say you need a few thousand to begin your new life meagerly and 10,000 to begin it the way you should!

Answer 5

first off I'm sorry about your situation. but really there is no way estimating this problem it depends on where your moving too what the cost of living is in my town you can find aprtments to rent for as cheap as 200 a month all the way up too 1,000. is the town populated is there easy work to be found. you might want to look up the census for the town your moving too it will tell you the percentage income for single and married couples as well as population etc, also there are government programs that could help food stamps, cash assistance even daycare. hope this helps.

Answer 6

Ok wow first get a newspaper. You need to find out what you're qualified to do.Then check out for apts in a safe area which are affordable. Now I understand your ex has moved on but that should not be your first concern. All your needs are valid and he should make sure you have you and your lil girl are secure. His new woman should be aware that his finances will be compromised for a while. But you guys should be just as safe as them if not more.Being a single mom alone. Look at it this way she already has 2 incomes. You are too nice as it is. Her kids should have support from their father.And not your daughter"s expense.

Answer 7

i done it. i had 2 jobs though. and i had 2 young children. thank god i had a good babysitter. i was only divorced for 9 months and got married again which is still strong 15 years later. i did just fine on my own with the kids. i didnt even have to have any government help at all. the kids did get free lunch at school. it was awesome to finally go where i wanted when i wanted. the kids and i would go out after midnight and get something to eat and rent a movie. i even got cat that my ex would never let me have. if you manage your money well, you can do it too.
your ex husband will learn one day that he screwed up by falling for another woman. youll be fine i promise. just make good decisions

Answer 8

I just covered this topic in my blog in an interview with a woman who has been on her own since the beginning.
http://www.babylune.com/going-it-alone-single-with-infant/

Basically, you need to make sure you have the basics and your family near by to help you. I've met a number of women in your position and if you get out of your marriage with health care, you should be fine.

Nothing, though, not the other kids, not your husband's new committments, ends his responsibility to his daughter. Support is the difference between poverty and keeping your head above water for many, many women. I've listed some resources below to help you start thinking about how to make it work.

Good luck to you. I hope you have the courage to respect yourself throughout the process and create the best life for yourself and your daughter.

Answer 9

Sad but true

It depends on where you live. Cost of two bedroom apartments $600 to $1100 a month. Lights, gas, water $150 to $300 a month. Groceries for two for a month... $450.00. Car loan, $250 - $350 (get something small). Child care, 7am till 6pm. $800 a month. Monthly spent on clothes, baby supplies like diapers if she's in diapers that's expensive, just get your calculator out and uhmmm. Get ready to make about $4,000 a month gross to bring home $3,000 after taxes. Health insurance? if he's not paying it $700 a month.

It cost $150 to get married
$500 for rings
Getting divorced......Priceless!

Answer 10

girl

It totally depends on where you relocate to. The cost of living is so different in various areas. Theres always a way, if if you cant live exactly where you want. Take the first step; reseach rental prices on the next in areas you are interested in.

good luck