Doesn't deserve to be in jail?

Question

I just asked a question about my jerk of an abusive boyfriedn, I forgot to add that he also keyed my brand new VW Passat. Some of your responses were cruel but I appreciate your honesty. Thing is I'm not an idiot, I am very well educated and self sufficient. It is hard to explain - I guess iam the typically abused woman. My point is that this time he didn't hurt me, he words hurt me and he just won;t leave me the fk alone. I hate the sin of a gun trust me. I just don;t won;t to be respnsible for someone being in jail - that just my nature - why won't he just leave me alone? Geez I am so confused - I wanna bail him out and just leave town - but I have a good job and I just bought this house - I am afraid that if I don;t get him out he'll do a lousy 3 to 6 months and come after me again - so you suggest i leave him there and live in fear ir sell my home and quit my job - he still wins that way - My child also has a life here he is 8 and not his son. I hate the son of a gun - but why do

I have to uproot my life. If I get him out Im thinking he'll be grateful and move on - What do I do?

Answer 1

I am sorry to tell you this but YES he certainly does deserve to be in jail !! He started off with just verbal abuse but that can often be just as bad as physical abuse anyway. Then he started the physical crap, so where does it end ?? This guy is definately a loser and if you bail him out he will think that regardless of what he does, you will always be there to pick up the pieces. There is no way in hell that l would loose $1,250 for this guy !! I understand that you and your son have made a life for yourselves where you are but what will it take for you to realize this guy could be very dangerous to both of you !! Perhaps you need to look at some form of protection from this jerk. I don't mean a court order as l don't believe that would stop him anyway. Maybe you really need to seriously consider changing your identities and moving on or else next time and believe me l honestly believe there will be a next time you may not be able to get help, you may well get seriously hurt. I am not trying to scare you by any means but l really feel that this guy could be very dangerous to you and your son. Please think about what l have said. He will only win if you allow him to !! Think of your poor innocent son. Does he really need this crap ?? Be careful but above all be safe. I wish you lots of peace and luck.

Answer 2

First, leave him in there,gives him time to think about his life and anyway keeps him out of your hair for a little while at least. Trust me if you bail him out he will just come after you. You can get a protective restraining order to protect you and your son if needbe and will helpif police are called. It will send him back to jail real quick if he doesnt leave you guys alone and dont be afraid to use it if needbe. Just think of your son first then yourself. This way you can stay put and live your life and dont have to uproot. Also dont be afraid to charge him with stalking too if needbe. Sooner or later he will get the picture that he should just leave you two alone and hopefully will move on to somewhere else, but use the law to your advantage because its made for you. Good luck to you both

Answer 3

Do you deserve to be in jail? Does your 8 year old deserve to be in jail? Cause you are. Don't think for a second that words aren't abuse. He is controlling you and he's not even there. I've stood where you are standing. If you have to move to get away from this guy then go. If he won't leave you alone, which I can tell you he won't, pack a bag and go. If a year in jail didn't "fix" him, nothing will.HE WILL RUIN YOUR LIFE BUT ONLY IF YOU LET HIM! Think about your child and remember how much you are worth. Stop feeling bad about this, he is the reason he is in jail, not you. Move, leave, save yourself. save you child

Answer 4

typical of someone that has been abused, and gives alot of power to her abuser. get a restraining order, don't get him out, it is not your responsibility, break free now, before u wake up one day and your old and all u can say is i made myself responsible for this man who abused me and i had a terribble life. you are codependant, u are making yourself responsible for this man, nad also his bad choices. why leave the home u worked so hard to get, i think u are giving him way too much power, why quit your job, and disrupt your life over that lowlife. u are co dependant, and have been abused, so in abuse we learn to deal with it, and after awhile we can't even see it as anything the matter. only words, only threats, get a restraining order, do u really want to be tied up with this person for any length of time, do u want this to be your life? u aren't any more responsible for him than u are for the man in the moon. sometimes we can be well educated and self sufficient, and do well, and still lack common sense. do yourself a favor, get rid of him, and next time check out the next man in your life, not trying to be mean or anything, but i have been there and already done that, and i hate to see other's mess up their life for someone who will just bring them grief. do u want your son to grow up just like this man?

Answer 5

You don't want to be responsible for someone spending time in jail, but at the same time you are not concerned about exposing your son to an abusive boyfriend? He sounds like a great role model, and so do you. He is the ultimate abuser, and you are the ultimate victim.

For your son's sake, I hope you come to your senses.

Answer 6

been there done that. no he won't be grateful if you bail him out. Stop fooling yourself, that is what he wants you to do. You need to take action. If it means selling your house and moving to a different area you need to do it for your SAFETY and your child's SAFETY. Press charges, get a restraining order, do not let him back into your life. You need to show him you won't be pushed around by him and if you have to move and change jobs, so be it. Do you want to take the chance of not seeing your child grow up with out you?

Answer 7

My mother was shot dead in front of me. I was shot 4 times and nearly died. This is not about giving him power. He isn't asking for it!! If you deny him power over you, do you think he'll go away? NO! If you have to move...do it. If you have to change jobs...do it. Don't risk your safety or your son's. Be there for your son's future. You are both worth it.

Answer 8

u need to get urself into some counseling...and maybe join a battered womans group...i dont blame u for not wanting to uproot ur life, its not fair to u or ur son, but if ur afraid he will get outta jail and come after u then im not so sure its a good idea to stay...fortunately i have never been in ur situation and i wish u good luck with it all.

Answer 9

you need to use your own judgment because i don't want to be the one to say ..yal your right get him out , then him kill you! use your own judgment , you know him better than we do. that is why i left your question alone in the first place....i wasn't one of your nasty replies.