How do I move beyond my gf's past?

Question

Before we met, my girlfriend used to drink excessively & often would sleep with whoever made her feel good at the moment. Although now we have a great relationship, I can't help but feel sick every time I think about how she used to be. I have never told her how I feel about this, but it is really effecting me in a bad way. I need to get over this and move on but don't know how. Help!

Answer 1

Some things are best keep in the closet. Having more details of her ex-partners can just add fuel to the fire. Then again, you probably make up pictures in your head of all these other people and it can interfere with your own sexual experiences with her. One thing you need to work on is stopping these messages about her past going through your mind. Although, techniques can be taught through counseling, I'll share a quick one with ya. It might sound silly, but give it a try. Place a rubber band around your wrist not tight but one you can wear for a while. Every time you have and intrusive thought, snap the rubber band on your wrist. Say to yourself "stop". Find a replacement thought, something pleasant, and think about it instead. Each time you have these intrusive thoughts, repeat the process. Focus on the "now", and build your relationship today. Your other option would be to seek counseling or if you just can't deal with it, it might be time to cut your losses and move on.

Good luck
Peace be with you.

Answer 2

Firstly, how did you happen to stumble onto the history of her sordid past? And secondly, what kind of idiotic slapper is she to tell you all about it in the first place? You need to make sure that it`s actually the truth before making any harsh decisions/judgments. Have you heard all this from her own mouth or from a seedy third party?

Personally, I could NEVER date a girl like that and certainly would never make any long-term plans with somebody like that, i.e. no talk of moving in together, marriage or children! And by the way, while we`re on the subject, there is no second chance: once a whore, always a whore! Trust me buddy!

My advice? F.u.c.k. her as much as you can and as much as you want and then dump her because it looks like that`s the only thing she`s good at, a good f.u.c.k!!! But remember to use protection every single time you get in there unless you don`t mind catching a few nasty and unsavory S.T.D.`s of course...

Answer 3

You should talk to her about how you feel. After all, you and her are in a relationship and should be honest and open with each others feelings and thoughts. Don't know if she is your life-time partner, or your soul mate, but you should weigh the matter out with her in mind since she is affecting you and your emotions towards her. Don't be living a lie! She deserves to know as well what is bothering you or keeping you from moving on with her. She should know what it is that is eating you from the inside! Take care of your business and stop putting it off any longer! For your own good health and for the good of your relationship with her! It was either meant to be, or not! Good luck, and I do feel for you, man!

Answer 4

I suggest to you that if you love this woman that you learn to accept her past and move on. If you find it too difficult to do this then you cant be in a relationship with her. The issue is not about the past, its about the present and th future, isnt it? The truth is you don't trust her. Your scared that she may turn into the person she was before. If you make her feel ashamed of herself she just might. You need to support her and be proud that she has become a better person. You have to acknowledge that she is not the problem here, you are. So your the one that needs to change. If this is more then you can handle on your own, why don't you speak to her. But you have to be gentle and not accuse her of anything. Tell her you love her and that you want to be with her, but you have issues with her past that you need to get through. Tell her you want to get through with it together.

Answer 5

Just know that everytime she thinks about it she feels sick too. Sometimes when we don't feel good about our lives and we're looking for something to fulfill us we do crazy things. I'm sure that now that she's found you she isn't that same person anymore. You have to decide if this is something you can accept along with the great thing you have going now, or if it's something you can't get past and are willing to give up your whole relationship over.

Answer 6

you're a brave guy for admitting this. listen, we've all had pasts (some of us worse than others). but hey, the point in life is to learn from your mistakes and obviously your g/f is lucky enough to have a great guy to move on with. your g/f probably isn't very proud of her past but if you seem to have problems with her you might want to talk directly. also think of this, is she still doing these things? if not and if it still continues to bug you, you might want to see a counselor. trust me man, a great person comes along in your life once in a blue moon. she's probably worth it.

Answer 7

I think you should talk to her about it, but NOT in an acusing way. Start by telling how much you care about her, and just wanna make sure that would not happen again, and if she wants to talk about it or perhaps tell you anything, she can. If this was before you, then that must mean she probably cares about you alot and wants to change her ways. not this, telling her that this makes you feel very good and happy that you can(or if you did) provide this change for her. good luck!

Answer 8

sweetie, when the right man walks into a girls life it can change her, maybe you are the only man to show her real love and respect, and you have to think about this ...we all have a past, even you! praise her for the right in her life not what she has done wrong alone the way, she i am sure hates it worse than you. good luck and GOD BLESS.

Answer 9

You need to tell her how you feel. Otherwise, your relationship is not an honest one and you will never move on. Pain is part of life and without it we are not human.

Answer 10

WELL ITS JUST SOMETHING YOU EITHER ACCEPT OR YOU DON'T.
YOU MUST REALIZE WHATS IMPORTANT TO YOU. THE PAST SHOULD BE IN THE PAST.
THERE WILL BE ENOUGH PROBLEMS COMING UP IN THE RELATIONSHIP IN THE PRESENT AND FUTURE TO FOCUS'S ON THE PAST. WHATS HERE AND NOW IS WHAT YOU SHOULD WORRY ABOUT.
YOU CARED ENOUGH TO GET TOGETHER WITH HER.
DO YOU CARE ENOUGH ABOUT HER TO STAY/
I WOULD WORRY ONLY IF IT REOCCURS. IF SHE ISN'T GIVING YOU ANY REASON TO WORRY OR MISTRUST HER NOW THEN DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.