Is it posslible that I am being TOO attentive to my 3 mo. old?

Question

Some family members of mine were talking about how good my baby is and I overheard someone say, "Well, she's appears good because every time she even squeeks, Mandy jumps." She said it in a pretty condescending way. I thought I was being a good mommy by tending to my baby's needs quickly. Am I in the wrong? Should I allow her to "self soothe?"

I asked my grandma the same question (she had 8 children) and she said, "Well, she's a good baby, so you must be doing something right."

What do you think? I'm confused.

Answer 1

There is no such thing as being too "attentive". I really feel that part of what you heard from your family member is jealousy. We don't have any children ourselves yet, but we have two separate parts of our family who are raising their children totally different. One is much more attentive than the other. The less attentive seem to be much more critical than the attentive, and I think it is because they don't want to look like bad parents. Or if their children aren't young still, they don't want to feel like they were bad parents in the past.

Not that either of the groups were bad parents.

Answer 2

The lady who snidely said that is just a *****..nicely put. Yes you are to tend to your babies needs. They say that babies who are tended to right away before they hit six months actually cry less then babies who werent tended to after they reach six months to one year. So study-wise speaking taking good care of your baby now means that you will have an easiet to care for happier baby later. That is an actual study that proves this by the way. Dont you feel hurt becuase some jealous thing said that ina condescending way. You are doing right by taking care of your baby so well and it will not spoil her it will make her feel more secure. SO good job, keep it up.

btw I attend to my baby every time she cries she is three months old and is very self soothing, she is very independant, I can give her a soother and warm blanket and she will be quite content for hours, or I can lay her under her little jungle gym and she is seriously quite content to lie there for half an hour watching the music play.....she is very good and if I let her cry all the time she might not be so good.

Answer 3

A baby can't learn to self-soothe at ALL before 3 months, and some can't learn to do it until they're 6 months old. Additionally, not even the most precocious of 3mos. old have learned to "manipulate" with crying; if they're crying, there's a reason for it. My baby is one of those that I carried EVERYWHERE, picked up ALL the time, etc....right until about the time she hit the four month mark. In three days, I taught her to self-soothe herself for her naps (until then, she'd always slept *on* me), which was my main goal, as I was going back to work (she comes with me, but I can't have her sleeping on me while I try to work). However, I still carry her around most of her waking hours, usually in her Baby Bjorn, but sometimes just on my hip. She still occassionally takes a nap in the Bjorn, but 95% of the time, she'll be out in less than five minutes in the crib. I don't think there's anything wrong with carrying your baby around a lot, and, certainly you should tend to her needs. You can't be too attentive to a 3 mo. old. If your baby was seven or eight months old, I might say, yeah, she needs to learn a *little* independence/self-soothing, but, at 3 mos, don't worry about it. I'm convinced that Katie is ok with being on the floor or in the play pen for ten or fifteen minutes or taking her naps in the crib because she knows that MOST of the time, she'll get to hang out on Mommy. If you're really busy with something, it won't kill her to be left in the crib or playpen or bouncer for five minutes while you shower or pull stuff out of the oven or whatever, but, don't sweat it. Read your baby's signs; when she's ready to self-soothe, it's like a light bulb will click. Some babies will still be "clingy", others will be little adventurers. I apparently was attached to my mother's hip for the first twelve months, and all of a sudden turned into an independent spirit who went anyplace with anyone. Every baby is different, and, from what I hear, none of the babies got the "What to expect" memos. :-)

Answer 4

I have a 6 and 2 year old. I don't think you can ever be too attentive. I honestly think babies, young children remember all the times you were there for them, so that when they are older, it will be natural for them to go to you.

I think the person above is right, some in your family are jealous.

Love on your child whenever you think they need it.

Of course, if it's 4 in the morning and you really don't want to get out of bed b/c they're awake, I think it's fine to let them cry it out on occassion. But don't let others make you feel bad.

Answer 5

In order for a childs lungs to get some exercise it is better to let her self soothe for a few minutes a day. This also lets her realize that she has a voice. If you speak to her like she is a small adult and not baby talk to her she will verbalize words better when she begins to really talk your ear off. This has worked with all 3 of my kids and they make great grades in school and cause no trouble for the teachers when asked to do something. They all can also work through their problems with little to no help from adults. hope this helps you out. It is the same advice given to me from the elders in my family.

Answer 6

You are a wonderful mommy and no one should ever make you feel like you aren't. As she gets older it will be helpful for you let her figure things out on her own more and more. For example, let her get mad at the toy because she can't get it to do what she wants it to do...it will help her learn how things work and early problem solving skills. But jumping to take care of her basic needs is really nothing to be ashamed of. You care about your baby want to make sure she is happy and well taken care of, where is the shame in that??

Answer 7

She is only three months old. You can't spoil a baby that young, and she is not able to manipulate you. She is asking for what she needs in the only way she is able. You are being an attentive mommy and you will develop a strong bond with your daughter this way. She's a "good" baby because she's happy and secure.

Answer 8

you are absolutly not in the WRONG! your baby needs you and relys on you for her every need..therefore by you jumping up she realizes hey mommy is here for me!! in the long run it makes your baby more confident and calm and patient..they soon realize hey mom wont forget about my feeding so i will just hold off crying for 5 more minuites LOL!! i was the same way with my child and she became the most patient little girl ever! there is no such thing as spoiling a 3mo old..how can you spoil a baby who cant do anything on thier own? if you dont "spoil" they will starve to death right? follow your heart hun..do what you think is best and never mind what others think and say..your the mother they are not her mother!

Answer 9

Eventually, you will probably want her to learn to self sooth but she is only 3 months. Everyone has different mothering styles. You will see as the baby gets older that some moms like to critize others for doing things differnt than they did. You will learn to ignore it. Do what feels right to you and for your baby. Listen to your grandma she is right. Good Luck and Take Care.

Answer 10

Keep doing what you're doing.
I jumped for my son for the first year and a half and he seemed to be so much happier than most. he cried less, went back to sleep faster and when it came to learning things like holding my hand when crossing the road... all the important things... he was far more obedient than most kids I know....

He is now a 3 yr old toddler and all is lost. haha
But that attention for the first year and a half made both of us happy. sounds like it is the same for you.

Keep your baby happy, don't go changing.

Cheers,
Ruby