how can i balance a new baby, a husband and a job?

Question

i have a 10 mo. old and am terrified to put her in daycare. my husband works 2nd shift full time. i have been unemployed for over a year and am going crazy!! how do i find time to work??

Answer 1

You and your husband are going to have to strike a delicate balance. If you can work different shifts, so that someone is always home with the baby, that works. My parents did not have any family when they were raising me, and both had to work. They were able to swing it so that one worked at night, the other during the day, so that someone was always at home with baby.

Answer 2

It is hard, but well worth it. First, I would say that your husband is a grown man and a you do NOT have to "take care" of him as someone mentioned. He is your partner, and as such, he should be equally involved in housework, baby care, cooking, and anything else that needs to be done to make your life together better. My husband and I both work full-time and we BOTH do everything that needs to be done at home as well. If he or I see something that needs to be done, we just do it. I feel it should be that way whether there is a child involved or not - partners. Secondly, I say if you want to work, don't let anyone tell you not to do so. Some people want to stay home full-time and some want to work - neither way is wrong or bad for your child. My husband and I have a 7 month little boy and my mother watches him while we work. He loves his nana, but he knows who is mom and dad are as well. When we come home his little face lights up and he can't wait to get into our arms. I, personally, think working makes me a better mom. I need that time away from my son; I have a college degree and I want/need to use it. I enjoy my job and my family as well. When I am home, I spend QUALITY time with my son. Just do what makes you happy and your whole family will benefit - you wil be a better wife and mother if you take care of yourself as well. Good luck!

Answer 3

Well, first off, don't be an over achiever. Most young mothers with a 1 year olds are exhausted. It does sound like you need a break from the monotony of being home all the time though as well as a much needed break from the baby. Let's put it this way. You can check out family daycare centers and pull them up on the web to see their record. Most of the time, the percentage of criminal bs in daycare is very low. Now, if you go back to work, will you make enough money to pay the daycare and have it all be worth your time and gas money and any other expenses you incur? Can you make well above minimum wage? If so, by all means, find a daycare.

I have always preferred family daycare homes because they spend more one on one time and end up treating yours like they do theirs. Which is great. When you go to the daycare, watch the other children. If they look rambunctious, dirty little faces, yelling and screaming and running around and having fun? That is where you want to go. I am serious as a heart attack. Kids who are having fun, yell, run nilly willy, squirt each other with the hose, etc...while never being yelled at by their caregiver are the happy ones. When a stern caregiver makes the squirts take time outs, that is good. You will know instinctively if a daycare, a family run daycare, is right for you.

From your question, you seem a bit overprotective but don't be. Your child will never have a childhood if you remain overprotective. You can sit and observe for hours, how a family run daycare is operated. You should be allowed to have an open door policy. Do the caretakers reprimand as you would? Do they act like normal parents? Are there toys all over the house? Do the kids get reprimanded for bad behavior? Are the littlest babies, like yours, constantly doted on by the caregivers or other older children? Do they have groups of kids from the same family and how long have those kids been with them? You should be able to get a 'great' answer on most of these questions and any kids there for over a year is a great sign too.

You aren't having a problem with the job part. You are having a problem with the daycare part and that is why I expounded on that part. Okay? The best thing you can do for a small child is to let them be around other children and caregivers. It makes for well rounded, smart kids. When separation anxiety attacks the first day of preschool, your child will most likely give you a hug and a kiss and take off, happy and enthusiastic.

It also is great for parents too. My 3 daughters were in a family run daycare, out of their big happy, child infested home. My kids loved it as well as all the others. These caregivers, Darrell and Cindy Persons out of San Diego, CA were awesome! They were sweet and all of the kids called them Mr. Darrell and Miss Cindy and to this day, my teenage daughters still love them with all of their hearts and so do I. They had outings everyday which is very important for keeping the kiddies not bored. They would go to the beach, the zoo, the local park to feed the ducks, softball at the local baseball diamond, pumpkin patch rides at Halloween, campouts with all the parents and all the kids...the list goes on.

What I am trying to say is, find a family home daycare. Your child will not be treated as just a job. Then, you can be comfortable in knowing that your baby is in good, growth and learning nurturing hands, with folks you have become fast friends with, who will not call authorities if you cannot pick them up on time and even pick them up and drop them off at school and pick them up again if need be. If you want to work, you need to do the footwork and research with your own eyes and ears, the family daycare you choose.

Good luck Mommy. I know this is long winded, but I cannot stress enough to parents of little ones how wonderful it is to connect with a family daycare center who lets you come anytime, day or night to just hang out if you want. And you and all the other parents become friends and know how each other's kids are. It is a beautiful thing and awesome to know, there is always someone there who will help you no matter what. Good luck and go with a family daycare, then you can do what you need for you. Oh yeah, did I mention that home daycare is way less expensive than those who fence them all in like cattle with no real love to offer and want a whole lot more money? :)

Answer 4

You fit the job around when your husband is home and only work part-time. You get your husband to take a share of the housework, looking after the baby etc. It can be done, I have had 4 children and managed to work part time. It also gives you that feeling of independance and not feeling trapped at home 24/7 with the baby. Your baby will benefit and so will your husband as he will be able to spend quality time with the baby when you are at work.

Answer 5

Sounds impossible I know...I did it. I don't know how and looking back it was all pretty unfair to me and the kid. Stay home if you can or even better take a class each semester. If I had to do it over again that is what I'd do. You've got plenty of time to join the work force in the future, do it with a degree in something. Oherwise all I can tell you is that women do this every day...it is stressful and thankless and buy the time you finish paying for day care you are working for practically nothing anyway.

Answer 6

You don't have to put her in daycare, just find a babysitter who you can trust. My parents both worked when I was a child, and I had a babysitter who was about 65 at the time named Thelma. I stayed in touch with her till her death a few years ago, she truly became part of the family and closer than any grandparent I had.
Maybe consider doing something like that, it worked for my family.

Answer 7

Calm your fears by visiting a few daycares. You'll see that your daughter will probably really enjoy the experience. If you do decide to go back to work, maybe start back at part-time. That will give you and your daughter time to adjust to being apart, and give you an idea of what you need to do to stay organized.

Answer 8

I would start by working part time and see how that feels. This will show you how to manage your time so you can have it all. Just remember your priority should be your family. A lot of families experience trouble when both parents try to work. I think you can balance but your family needs to come first and always be sure to make time for yourself. good luck!

Answer 9

I'm always amused to hear of people who take on a full-time round the clock job (raising a child), and still want to hold down a job.

You can't do both well, I don't care how many say differently.

Either you will park you child someplace with people who will never care about him the way you do, or you will do a half-@ssed job at work, taking time off to run home to take care of baby emergencies.

Pick one, and do it well.

Answer 10

Scale back your living expenses and be a mom full time!
Your baby and husband deserve a mom and wife who can be there for them.....
God knows taking care of a baby and husband is hard work!