my mother in-law moved in and i can not stand here and she is a raging alcholic and now my spouse is following in her footsteps she has no plans of leaving and it is tearing our relationship apart. i have talked with my spouse about this and she seems to think im selfish for wanting her mother out. so i have decided to just move out myself because i can not handle her mother and her when they are drinking together any suggestion do you think im wrong in doing this?
2006-12-05 09:51:35 · 23 answers · asked by lb 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No I don't think you are wrong. Do what you have to do for your sanity and a peace of mind. Your spouse should respect you and your feelings about this. Obviously she doesn't give a **** how you feel. The booze and mother are her priority.
Don't forget the kids!!!
2006-12-05 09:58:37 · answer #1 · answered by no worries 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are very brave to be prepared to make a very tough decision. Is your spouse the mother of your children?? Your wife must be crazy to let her mother move in probably without your approval. She doesn't sound like a person who puts the children first.
Believe it or not you are encouraging her alcoholism the longer you stay with wife and her mother. CO-DEPENDENCY!!!!
Read about it.
You will be happier away from those 2 drunks and your kids do not need that kind of negative influence.
If you do not move, your mother in law must go and your wife needs serious counseling - AA is a start and you will need to provide a lot of support to her. Good luck and keep thinking of the children, drunks can take care of themselves.
2006-12-05 19:43:37 · answer #2 · answered by surething_78504 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
moving out might be just the thing to shock the system and make your spouse realize her behavior is unacceptable to you. But, be warned, such a move will either bring you closer together or may end your relationship. Best if you can go stay somewhere else for a week, break all contact and have a time out to give you both time to cool down. It will at the very least stop the fighting and give you both space to breath. Best luck to you. And if she does want to resolve things in a week, then get her to agree to AA meetings before you will move back in.
2006-12-05 17:59:03 · answer #3 · answered by amazingly_satisfying 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
PLEASE READ THIS,
If you love her, then don't leave, Hard times are times to deal with toghether. she needs you the most now even though you don't realize it and she doesn't realize it. Take charge, get them help..call alcholic hotlines to get help for them. Get help, don't run away, you will just end up stressing over the problem and getting hurt if u leave. Leaving never solves the problem unless you don't want and don't love her.
Life is just like this: Did you enjoy good times with her when things were going good, well how bout when things things were going bad. There are ups and downs in life and some people manage to keep a balance but some can't like in your situation. Life is on the downside here and your girl friend is probably the one that contribute the most to the downside, but she needs u to be there to keep her balance, so do ur job and don't leave, stay and get help.
2006-12-05 18:25:04 · answer #4 · answered by Myself 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you are certainly not wrong....It is a very unhealthy situation for you to be in, but even unhealthier for your children. I wouldnt just leave alone, I would take your kids with you....at least, that way they will be safe. You partner needs to wake up to herself and obviously talking isnt doing much good, so the only thing left to do is to act. Alcoholism is not a joke, and while your partner may think its OK, its not OK, not for anyone who is around them. If your partner is following the mother's lead then what will happen to your children if they are left seeing this day in and day out. They will probably end up alcoholics themselves. Do them a favour and take them with you. I know there is a lot more planning needed to take them with you, but there are places that will be able to help you. It is a serious situation....have you got parents that will take you and your children in for a little while until you can get a place of your own? What about friends? The longer you leave it the harder it will get. If you leave now without your children then it is going to be hard to get them back. You will have to fight for them in court, but if you take them with you, then it will be your partner who will have to do the fighting to get them back....and if she is so far gone on alcohol, then she is not going to be able to afford the costly court processes. Maybe it is the wake up call she needs because she is going to lose her man and her children over alcohol and her mother. I wonder when faced with this, will she be so sure that having her mother there is such a good thing. All her mother is to her is a drinking buddy, she needs a wake up call and you are in the position to give it to her.
I wish you well, I really do...take your kids and go....let her do what is required to get her alcoholism under control. An alcoholic will only get help when faced with losing everything.
2006-12-05 18:07:51 · answer #5 · answered by rightio 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not wrong. You are doing the right thing but maybe you want to talk with your spouse one more time about this, tell her she should think about the kids what example she is giving them when she is an alcoholic. If not just move and you might want to get custody of your kids if she is following the mom's steps.
2006-12-05 17:55:31 · answer #6 · answered by kathernva 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You did the right thing in moving. First of all, you have your children to think about. The chemical dependency exhibited by your wife and your mother-in-law are a negative influence to your children. I would have suggested that they move in the beginning though. As long as they are being disruptive to your family's quality of life, I wouldn't see any problems with local law enforcemnet having them leave the property. I think reporting/documenting their behavior would also give merit to a restraining order on both of them until they seeked rehabilitation or counseling for their dependency.
2006-12-05 18:03:17 · answer #7 · answered by vince 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, this is a pretty cut and dried answer....Your children do not need to grow up around a raging alcoholic....If their mother is doing it then the chances of them being the same way are very good if you leave them in that situation.....Go on move out, go find a lawyer,
and file for custody...This action alone will let her see things differently...The system of abuse comes in many different forms with many different faces, if you love your children then MAN UP and do the right thing....
2006-12-05 18:02:29 · answer #8 · answered by Mad Harry Roberts 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No l honestly believe you are doing the right thing. Maybe a reality check is just what your partner needs to bring her back to her senses. She should never put her drunken mother ahead of you and her children !! I would advise you to take the children also !! It doesn't sound to me as if it would be a very good enviroment for them either.Try talking to her again and explain that you are not being selfish but you just want a normal and healthy life back for yourself and your chidren and you will do whatever it takes to achieve that. I wish you lots of luck !!
2006-12-05 18:12:26 · answer #9 · answered by kazzadanni 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to think of the impact this environment will undoubtedly have on your kids.If things are that bad it's your responsibility to raise them in a healthy environment.If you're exaggerating because your mom-in-law is a pain,either get over it or kick her out and stay with your kids.They deserve two parents.
2006-12-05 18:01:11 · answer #10 · answered by katydid 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋