My fiance has a 7 year old daughter that he has custody of. Her mother has never paid child support and she has had no contact with her for the past 2 years.When we are married I would love to adopt her. I think that if he goes for child support then the mother may want to come into her life after all this time.I think he should leave it alone after all it has been 7 years without any support from the mother. Why bother now? Am i being selfish because I want to be her mom??
2006-12-05 08:51:47 · 10 answers · asked by Shelia M 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
no i think your looking out for the childs best intrest. I mean what would the child feel if all of a sudden this woman who is supposed to be her mom comes back in her life after all these years. She probably thinks of you more of a mom than her real mom she is going to be real confused. she's not going to understand. I say he should just drop it i mean if she didnt care about her kid for 7 years not to send one penny for help with her then why bother now. odds are she probably dont have a job and she could be one of those parents who yeah right now they want to see the kids and they come around for a couple of weeks and then there out of the picture again. think about what that would do to her. he should just leave it alone. you are not being selfish your probably a great mom .
2006-12-05 08:58:22 · answer #1 · answered by tcameron_2004 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well yes you are being selfish and insecure. Kids are wiser than you think, if you are the primary care giver and show her real love, then you will form a bond with her that her biological mother cannot break.
Even if it hurts a lot you should not discourage contact with her biological mother, it will only cause the child more conflict. Be supportive like any Mother would be. If you love her and respect her, you will be her Mother.
You don't have to be one of the dna donors to be a parent. It takes love, caring and understanding to be a parent.
The mother should pay support and she should be a part of her child's life, but if she chooses not to it is her decision.
You know the old saying, If you love something set them free.....
I don't think you have to worry about the little girl accepting you as her mother, if you step back and look she probably already has.
2006-12-05 09:02:05 · answer #2 · answered by Jumper 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YES!!
The child is a product of it's own mother and father.. you must respect that..
You can sadly never replace a proper parent and a child needs to know where it came from to understand and assimilate as it encounters social interactions for the first time.. if the child fails to bond with you along the way.. you will loose the child..
I'm sure you would make a terrific mother.. but if possible keep the true mother in the child's life at all cost.. you will find the child will always love you more for doing so..
As for the extra costs and headaches.. you will sadly need ot factor that into the everyday until the child grows.. and do it for the sake of the child not for the sake of your own peace and harmony.. the child will definately be better off with it's father and you... but also with it's natural mother a part of it's life. Don't cut the natural mother out of the child's life unless she is hurting the child ..
2006-12-05 08:59:17 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well Sheila fact is that you'll never be the child's mom, you might be the best step-mother in the world but that will be it - a stepmother. In reality it would be in the kids best interest if her natural mother was involved in her life, but if she chooses not to then later on in life her dad can tell her mother's reasons why not. As for the child support I have to agree with your fiance as far as going for child support. He may be thinking that it would be helpful once you marry also, as raising a child is awful expensive. But do not resent the child if she wants to learn about her mom, or do not talk badly about her in front of the child. If you have been involved in the child's life for a long time she will know how important a part you are in it and will be proud to have you as a stepmother. Good luck to all involved.
2006-12-05 08:59:05 · answer #4 · answered by crazylegs 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he's had custody for 7 years, he will likely get to keep custody, regardless if she makes an issue of wanting more contact, because the courts aim for "best interest of the child" which usually means the parent that's had custody keeps custody. He absolutely should ask for child support and back child support because his daughter has a right to it.
2006-12-05 08:55:42 · answer #5 · answered by Zebra4 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are being selfish in a way. Let him file child support but my guess is that if she didn’t even bother to be in the kid’s life in 2 years, what is going to change now? The kid deserves to have her mother there, she is lucky to have you since it looks like the birth mom doest care about the child, but at least give her a chance, don’t you think she will be lucky and happy to have 2 moms?
2006-12-05 08:56:10 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off you need to realize that this is his daughter and he needs to do what is best. I am sure he is greatful that you have been there for his daughter, but he is probably angry that the girls bio mom has not been apart of her life in anyway (this includes money). Plus this may be his way to get his ex to come around so she can be apart of the girls life. It is important. Good luck
2006-12-05 08:56:17 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I see your point but odds are the mom will refuse to let you adopt her just to be mean. You might tell him to get her to sign papers first allowing you to adopt her when you're married and if she refuses, then go for child support.
2006-12-05 08:55:07 · answer #8 · answered by Pache 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u need to ask him why after all this time he now wants to file for child support. Possibly he is having financial difficulty that u are not aware of.
2006-12-05 08:53:48 · answer #9 · answered by sunbun 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would say take her to vourt and try for support if that dont work that try to convince to sign of custodial rights to you.
2006-12-05 08:55:07 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋