How do I get indian boyfriend to tell his parents about me?

Question

I am a white american. I have been with my indian boyfriend for over a year now. He has told his parents he has a white american friend when they brought up the arranged marriage issue but never told anything else about me. I know he wants to marry me but he is affraid of hurting his parents. How should I handle this for the best possible outcome? Thank you. Tammy

Answer 1

I am a Pakistani Married to a Caucasian girl for 10 years now. From my personal experience there is no easy way of breaking it to his parents, he's got to bite the bullet. In either case he is hurting someone he loves, by not telling his parents he is kind of hurting your feeling and if he tells his parents he hurts their feelings.

More so in the Asian Indian culture (including Pakistan) parents feel proud arranging marriages for their children, love marriages are blessed, but at some point do follow the arrange marriage format, where they families meet in person and decide on the marriage date and traditions.

Trust me when I say this, if he tells his parents and they force him to marry an Indian girl, don't think that it’s because they hate you or hate America, it’s the uneasy cultural and language difference they fear living in. It’s the fear of the unknown. What if their white daughter-in-law does not respect them, treats them harshly, parties all night, etc. But what they fail to realize is that their Indian daughter-in-law can disrespect them too and be rude to them and party all night.

They fear you as much as you fear them, because of the religion, language and cultural different now they will have to deal with. It would be much easier for them at theeir age to have an Indian daughter-in-law who speaks there language and share their value and traditions. Marriage in not only a marriage between two people, but a marriage between the families too. So now they will have to deal with your family fearing facing the differences.

My parents now live with me and my Caucasian wife, we are one big happy family, my sons have their grand parents who love them. But to where my life is right now, it was not a smooth ride. Neither did I try to change my wife into becoming a Pakistani, nor did I ask my parents to become Americans.

I give credit to my wife for accepting our values and tradition even if she does not believe in them, but respects it because we do. And I give credit to my parents for keeping an open mind and taking time in getting to know their daughter-in-law. And now my wife and my mother share a good and healthy relationship and give each other advice on things. The more time they spend together, the more they understand each other. My wife now takes care total care of my parents, making their doctor appoints to taking them to the doctor and getting their medication. I rely on her completely for taking care of them.

Why many inter-cultural marriages fail? Because the guys try to make their American wife's more Indian/Pakistani to please their parents, and that my friend is a total Disaster/Deal breaker leading to Divorce. And some parents force they sons to make their wife's more Indian like to fit their culture.

Trust me I want to please my parents too, but I married the woman I love, and I want to live my life and do what makes us happy, because I have vowed to spend the rest of my life with my wife, but at the same time we love and respect my parents too. And credit goes to my parents because they recognize this fact and do not try to overshadow our lives.

One last thing, I have learnt that a relationship of a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law remains the same, the language and culture differences just add to the difficulties faced between them.

The sooner a mother realizes that her son is no longer just her son, but also a husband and now has his own family the easier life becomes for everyone.

The sooner the wife realizes that a son will always love his mother, because she gave him birth and raised him to be a good family man, the easier it gets for everyone. I hope sharing my personal life experience helps you understand in anyway.

In conclusion, Time, Patience, Love, Respect Open Mind, Willingnes to Accept the things one cannot change and the persistance to make it work. Applys to all marriages

Answer 2

This Site Might Help You.

RE:
How do I get indian boyfriend to tell his parents about me?
I am a white american. I have been with my indian boyfriend for over a year now. He has told his parents he has a white american friend when they brought up the arranged marriage issue but never told anything else about me. I know he wants to marry me but he is affraid of hurting his parents. ...

Answer 3

I have lived this as the white woman and I know it is very hard. You must understand that for him to tell his parents that he has "a white American friend" is a very big deal. Indian men will not usually even bring you up unless they really feel for you. He will ultimately need to decide for himself what to do. Don't pressure him but also don't put up with him if he goes off to India and ends up married but wants you around still. Understand that one of you, either his parents or you, may be greatly hurt by the end of this. Right now, your job is to love him. Enjoy your time with him. If you meet the parents, respect them. You don't have to become like an Indian woman but you do need to respect his family and his culture. They will appreciate your efforts hopefully.

Answer 4

well if you really love him and he loves you than maybe the parents should know by now that arrange marriage is not good cause how are you going to fall in love when you are forced to marry someone else. Give it time it will come through to his parents

Answer 5

Try this trick.

Tell him, you are registering with this sight. Get his cooperation.

http://yahoo.shaadi.com/

He can show his parents that he likes this girl the go from there if he is not willing to do that then it is up to him and you.

Are they in USA?

Hope both of you are old enough.

Answer 6

Try to learn as much about their traditions/culture as possible and bring a nice traditional gift. Show them how respectful you are and how much they care for their son. hopefully they can appreciate that and learn to accept you.

Answer 7

WELL THERE ISN'T A WHOLE LOT YOU CAN DO. YOU MIGHT BE ABLE TO GET TO KNOW A LITTLE ABOUT HIS CULTURE, AND INVITE HIM, AND HIS FAMILY, AND SHOW THEM THAT YOU REALLY ARE INTERESTED IN MAKING HIM HAPPY.
THAT IS THE MAIN THING. SHOW THEM RESPECT FOR HIS CULTURE, AND THEY WILL RESPECT YOU FOR IT.
INVITE THEM FOR XMAS OR SOMETHING.

Answer 8

my mom is white/indian and but my dads just indian?!and so yeah its not that bad my dads parnets didnt care!!

Answer 9

first you contact with hi perants and get their attension

Answer 10

u can mail me [e-mail]