How are some good ways to get my wife to look at her emotions about money?

Question

When my wife was young, she was sick for a couple of months and misses school. She was left behind in math and has always felt she was bad in math. Her parents also died when she was a teenager and she blew through the insurance money.
I am now wanting to make changes in our spending habits but short of putting her on a really strick budget (we already have sperate accounts) and dealing with the backlash of that, I want figure out ways to educate her more without lecturing her. Any tips?

Answer 1

You should try getting a small notepad for each of you. Then, both of you write down how much you spend- every time you spend a dime. This way, she'll quickly see exactly how much she is spending, and for what. By both doing this, it isn't just for her, it's to help both of you get a handle on your spending.

Answer 2

Perhaps suggesting that you both try saving for something "large"...a cruise, a brand new car, a cottage...whatever, the price tag has to be large enough to allow you to make changes to the budget that will be agreeable to her.

She'll find it a little difficult at first, but once you have a certain amount in the savings and she sees what's there...it may very well encourage her to keep going and build it more.

Then after this...she'll likely try to stay in this frame of living, provided the budget isn't so strict as to create impossible changes for her (or you)

Take time and make the budge realistic, easy to stick to and make the end reward as enticing a "carrot" as possible in order that the budget will work.

All she needs is to end up with no income and she will find herself unable to do anything...not a good feeling, been there, done that...of course going through that really makes one appreciate the money when it comes back again...I currently have a really difficult time if I see our account dipping below $1000...it's an insecurity that comes with having gone from $100,000 to zero almost over night due to job losses...

I think she should be very thankful she can do things she wants to...but she has to put things into perspective and hopefully getting her to help you save for that dream vacation, recreation property or whatever....will get her where she needs to be and to give you piece of mind

Good luck

Answer 3

This is a really tricky area: finances are often very personal. Since you are essentially in charge of the finances, if you have a yearly/monthly budget for expenses, and if you have not yet gone over it with her, thoroughly, I suggest that as a starting place.
One thing we did to curb our unnecessary expenses was to leave our debit cards at home. Even though we are carrying them again, not having them with you for a while helps you to ponder your spending habits. Not carrying the plastic can force you to a cash-and-carry policy. If you don't have the cash on you for a purchase, you cannot make it.
Perhaps you could instate a 'policy'... if either one of you wants to make a major purchase [over X$... along those lines], you must consult with the other.

I've seen a TV show, I think on A and E, where a 'life coach' comes in to the lives of people who are in severe debt and living way beyond their means [spending thousand and tens of thousands more a year than they make], and shows them ways to cut expenses, forces them to adhere to a strict budget, and forces them to face the way the shop/look at money. In the few episodes I have seen, shopping too much is often a problem, rooted in something else.
Since her parents dies when she was younger, do you think it is possible she shops/spennds money to compensate for some missing feeling?
Good luck.

Answer 4

You know what ... the only way I see this happening - is if you sit down with her & express your feelings - act like a girl for a few minutes - open up and really let things go ... tell her how much it's bothering you ... try to make it about you & not her ... explain to her how stressed out you've been about the finances ... let her know what is she can do to help you out ... you're at the end of your rope & she's going to have to step up and learn how to deal with money more often ... if not ... you feel like you're going to loose it ... let her know you're not trying to make her feel ignorant - you just want her to make better decisions in the future ... come up with a plan before you show it to her ... be open-minded but firm ... you're both adults & should be able to sit down & talk to each other like adults ... good luck ... I had to teach my guy how to write a check, use the ATM, pay bills ... etc ... but then again he's my ex-husband for those same reasons ... lol ... !

Answer 5

Most cities have a consumer advocacy group called, consumer credit counseling services...be wary..there are other companies with similar names (I attached the official link below). CCCS host free classes on debt and money management, and they can also help you put a payment plan in place to pay off your credit cards. I went a couple of years ago, and they really helped me get my life in order financially.

You can also find a wealth of info on this site. http://clarkhoward.com/

Remind your wife that money is the number one cause for divorce. And that your precautions about being about on a budget is to keep you two out of divorce court.

Answer 6

Since she's your wife, never mention the word 'educate' otherwise she might feel a gap between you and her. The best way is - talk to her straight up.

Answer 7

Try to do something to make it fun for both of you.

Answer 8

Tell her money only goes so far, when it's gone it's gone and there ain't no more.

Answer 9

Maybe by showing her how you do it, show her.