But, he refuses. I have explained that I'm trying hard to teach our 13 year old son the value of a dollar and that things are not just handed to him. My ex refuses and keeps buying him lots of stuff. Does anybody have any ideas how to handle an ex who is disrespectful to me when I asked him to please stop??
2006-12-05 08:18:02 · 18 answers · asked by J 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Suggest to the ex that he put money into a saving's account for your and his son's college education. Tell him an education will get your son farther in life that CD's and shirts will.
2006-12-05 08:22:26 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
This boy is HIS son too. Frankly, have no right to tell his father what he can or cannot buy for him. It would be a large part of that EX thing. In fact it is more likely that the more you you complain about it and call it disrespectfull the more likely it is that it will continue. More of that EX thing.
Children learn their values from each parent. You do not have a monopoly on values.
This sounds a lot like you are making an issue out of this because you do not want your EX to appear more accomidating to your son or buying his affection.
Presumably he is up to date on the support payments and these purchases are extra. Where is the problem?
You have adopted the attitude that you are the only one who has a say in your son's upbringing.
From here it looks like you are on the wrong side of this argument.
2006-12-05 16:44:47 · answer #2 · answered by Flagger 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A T shirt and a CD every three weeks is not excessive. I think you are bickering over foolish things. I am certain your son would gain more benefit from seeing you and your ex get along amicably rather than argue over something silly. If he was buying him a new bike every week that would be a different story but your issue seems a bit petty
2006-12-05 16:44:03 · answer #3 · answered by xovenusxo 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Disrespectful.....probably part of the reason he is an ex.
I still think that you can teach your son about the value of a dollar and finacial responsibility. I would tell your son that his dad is trying to make up for the fact that he isn't there to raise him. I think guilt is driving your ex's actions.
I don't think you asking will make him stop. It's like trying to teach a pig to sing, it is a waste of time and it irritates the pig.
2006-12-05 16:30:44 · answer #4 · answered by December 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sorry I have to agree with everyone else. He is not disrespecting you at all, he's just not letting you control him. The value of a dollar has nothing at all, to do with gift giving, and the concert Tshirts are just keepsakes. Your son is probably estatic that he has these no matter who they are from. Get over it mom and be glad that he has his real father in his life, Many kids dont even know who their father is and are dysfunctional because of it
2006-12-05 20:05:42 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Explain the concept of buying someones affection, then let it go. Thirteen is old enough to sense if hes being bought off and while you may not hear him praise your efforts to recognize parental love, there are many years of influence in which you will see what a good job you did.
The more fuss you make now, the more important you make the issue, defuse it by being constant in you dealings with your son.
He knows what daddy is doing, and while he likes it, he won't base his life on it.
2006-12-05 16:25:11 · answer #6 · answered by justa 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't mean to ask how to "handle" him but how to CONTROL him.
You cannot control what he is doing and why should you expect him to respect your wishes? Think about it. There was no respect in the marriage so why on earth should he respect you now? I'm sure he's getting a kick out of this, and guess what, he has every right to give his son what he wants to. He's not married to you and has no reason whatsoever under the sun to have to do what you want.
Sorry about it, but that's the plain and honest truth.
Good luck.
2006-12-05 16:23:00 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
He is probably doing this because you asked him not to. Let it go, just keep teaching your son what you have been. He is his father and will buy him what he wants. Your son will know the difference when he gets older.
2006-12-05 16:23:12 · answer #8 · answered by mayihelpyou 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't see why a CD and shirt, every 3 weeks bothers you so much. He's his father. Maybe you have control issues. I hope you're not making your son feel bad every time his Dad comes over.
2006-12-05 21:07:44 · answer #9 · answered by mamabear 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Because he is his father, you can't stop him from buying things for his son, although I understand what you are trying to teach your son. Some people do things out of spite and he may be buying all this crap just to spite you.
2006-12-05 16:22:31 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋