I had an affair that ended a month ago. My life has stopped since then. Her husband 'discovered' the relationship and she told me the next day that she could no longer have contact with me, she didn't want to live the double life anymore, that she was going to put everything back into her marriage to get it to work. My wife doesn't know about the affair. Since the affair ended, I have tried to give it my 'all' at home to some success, but I can't get this woman out of my head and I'm not sure I want to. The 'affair' cheap as that sounds to me to call it that was 9 months long. We had also been lovers 35 years ago. She accepts my email to her but doesn't email back. I haven't spoken with her on the phone now for 26 days and I feel quite distraught over that.I would like to move on and put this behind me, even pretend it never happened for my mental well-being but our time together was so glorious I don't know how to put it out of my mind.I want to talk to her but she won't.What to do?
2006-12-05 07:39:24 · 10 answers · asked by mickeycaprise 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You can only have your cake and eat it to for so long. What should you do? I would prepare for a few more up coming really crappy days and fights. And cover all the fans. The @ of you will probally be back together sooner rather than later, she probally misses you like crazy. I can almost garentee that every and any time her spose messes up she is thinking of you and feels justified. You are what I like to call Plan B. Maybe you need a new plan B. Good luck.
2006-12-05 07:47:34 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry you are in this situation, but you will have to do as she asks. You have to give her the time and space, she doesn't want to have any more problems at home and I am sure that she is thinking about you just as much as you are of her, but she doesn't want to ruin her marriage any more than she already did. Why don't you try to give your own wife a bit of attention and maybe try to give your heart some rest, you need to get back into place where your heart isn't hurting anymore, you need to find peace within you, because the only thing you can do is tell yourself that you were the best you could be for her and that now hope that she is happy where she is. I know that right now you are so hurt, I was with a married man once, and we no longer together, I wanted marriage, he couldn't leave his family, so I left, and now a year later he got someone he is dating again, and I know that he can't give her marriage either, but it still hurts my heart knowing that there is someone else in his life. even though I have moved on! good luck to you!
2006-12-05 07:46:16 · answer #2 · answered by wantstoknow 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to stop emailing her. While your thoughts may wonder to her ; don't encourage it. It hasn't been all that long since you ended the relationship. Unfortunately, this is the high cost of affairs. They take far longer to recover from than the actual time spent in the affair. Stop feeding your desire by emailing her. Do you really want to lose your wife? What would you do if she found out? How would you feel? She was wrong for getting involved with you and vice versa. Now you pay the piper and wait for your heart and mind to accept that this relationship is over and any window of opportunity it had for success died 35 years ago.
2006-12-05 07:46:01 · answer #3 · answered by GrnApl 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow buddy. Do you love your wife? Or do you love the woman you had an affair with? I think you really need to decide that, before you can move on and get your life together. You can't love them both. Also you need to stop contacting the woman you had an affair with, if you want to get your life on track, the more you communicate with her the more you may be tempted to be with her again. You also as hard as it may be, you need to tell your wife, otherwise the guilt is just going to eat you up on the inside more and more as time goes on. Wish you luck, you'll need it, you've made quite a mess.
2006-12-05 07:47:41 · answer #4 · answered by Grand Master Flex 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all you need to tell your wife i thin that is unfair for you to be fantasizing about another woman that you were in a relatiosnship with, when you are suppose to be commited to another thats just not right. second well since she is obvisously not as serious about your relationship with her as you arei would just leave it alone there is nothing more you can do about that besides i think karma has a big role in this situation you need to either break it off with your wife and come clean or come clean and maybe work on your marriage .
2006-12-05 07:51:28 · answer #5 · answered by Aronda L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dear mickey i had the same thing happen to me 25 years ago i think of her about once a month now and am glad it was over then ..its scary its life thretening its expensive but most of all she would do it to you...i got my life back and didnt loose my wonderful wife but then i let it happen again with a BEAUTIFUL young girl .i was old enough to be her grandfather i thought i loved this girl and she wanted to marry me she said..after about 3 months she got into my personal money and helped herself..i found out she was smoking pot all day every day..I AM SO LUCKY MY WIFE DIDNT FIND OUTalthough .she thretened me several times over the phone i will never cheat again [i hope] i love my wife verry much but i cant get her off my mind i see her in wal mart in resturants and i do love this girl but i know theres no way it could work ..dont be a fool .stay at home..you could never trust her...you see she left you and hurt your pride had you left her you would be proud now.because she told you theres no closure
2006-12-05 08:03:12 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think you should confront the reasons behind why the affair happened in the first place. What drove you to stray from your marriage? After you pinpoint these reasons, you can try to fulfill those needs so that this situation doesn't happen in the future and it may also allow you to not have a desire for this person as well.
2006-12-05 07:43:20 · answer #7 · answered by l0veternal 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
first you should try figuring out what is missing from your marriage- then once you figure it out either fix it or divorce your wife- then if you really cared for this other woman you would do what she has asked you to- leave her alone and let her get on with her life- quit being selfish
2006-12-05 07:45:28 · answer #8 · answered by jess 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
well i deff think that you should leave her alone as hard as it might be, you have to do it she don't want to talk to you no more she is trying to do the right thing and fix things with her man! let her do the right thing and you do the right thing you are hurting your wife just because she don't know its not right..
2006-12-05 07:47:34 · answer #9 · answered by itz_nena 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i hope you used protection. would't be right to your wife.who is a victim of your poor judgement!
2006-12-05 07:46:00 · answer #10 · answered by explorer 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋