Why do some men feel the need to try to dominate and/or manipulate their wives for their satisfaction?

Question

Can someone please tell me what makes a man think they can break a woman of all her dignity and make her feel backed into a corner by yelling and abusing her? What do they think they will accomplish? They want the woman to love them, but they do everything they can to make themselves look like a complete jerk and belittle the woman to break her down. And they want the woman to love them??? What makes men think this way? And I know this does not pertain to all men...but there are so many like this and so many women who have to deal with it.

Answer 1

they are insecure and they think this way they have control. these type of men are cowards and stupid, they end loosing good women. once woman realize that they deserve better!

Answer 2

The said man is either a jerk or insecure or most likely both. They want the safety and comfort of knowing that their girl is under their complete control and they can't handle the situation being any other way. The more they belittle their woman the better it makes them feel about themself. There may be some trace of love but it's unhealthy and misguided.

There are also some men who grew up learning this, so their brains are tainted and wired wrong now. Just like the girl who grows up being molested will often times seek out a relationship where she is beaten, a man will often repeat the cycle.

I don't suggest staying in that type of relationship, even if the man agrees to get counseling. Most of us know that people don't change unless they want to...not if someone else wants them to.

There are men who would never hurt their girl, only treasure her.

Answer 3

I was married to one of those. I am caucasian and he was hispanic. I don't know if it was a cultural thing, but I do know that it stems from cowardice and needing to be powerful. They have little self-esteem and must be in control of someone to make themselves feel superior.

I always knew that I was more intelligent and a good decent woman. This made him angry. HE wanted to be "in charge" and did anything he could to beat me into submission. He made me feel like a complete loser that nobody else could possibly want. He used to tell me that - who would want a middle-aged woman with three kids? The last straw was a black eye for warning him gently that we were in three lanes going down to two lanes and between to 18-wheelers.

I am a good-looking woman, smart and loving. I got out eventually and he has fallen hard. It took my leaving to help him see the error of his ways - sort of. He has had several women live with him since I left about 18 months ago - the longest for almost two weeks before she called the police on him and left. I don't know why some men feel that they can get away with this. Mine got what he deserved and I got what I deserved. I found the love of my life after leaving my ex and I will be married after the new year. I found a man who cherishes me and can't do enough for me. He has integrity, intelligence and compassion. I adore him.

Answer 4

1. It works.

In a short-term, get what you want immediately situation, hitting someone works. Contrary to what some people may believe, domestic violence is rarely about anger. People may blame it on an "anger management" problem. But the same people who supposedly cannot manage their anger when it comes to their spouse manage perfectly well when it comes to their parents, the neighbor, the grocery clerk, or the police officer who comes to the door. Domestic violence is about using violence to gain (and maintain) control. Often the batterer views the victim as a possession to be guarded and controlled -- they monitor phone calls and email, reduce contact with family and friends, and if their possession gets out of line, they smack it back in place.

One woman told a particularly telling story. It was Thanksgiving time, and she and her husband (newly married) were preparing dinner. Their families were on the way over to celebrate with them. During the preparations, they got into an argument and he punched her in the face, breaking her jaw in three place. Needless to say, Thanksgiving dinner did not happen and she spent that day in the hospital. For the next ten years, her husband didn't have to hit her again. He could control her with two simple words: Remember Thanksgiving.

Men hit women because it works. They get the control that they want and they get their way.

2. They can get away with it.

Up until as recently as ten years ago, domestic violence was a 'personal problem,' not really treated as a crime. Sure the police might come out, but usually they either made one of the people leave the residence or made vague references to how the two parties needed to learn to handle their business and they "better not have to come back again."

While things have improved considerably, there are a large number of people who still believe that Domestic Violence is one of those things in which they shouldn't get involved. There are a distinct lack of witnesses when it comes to Domestic Violence crime. Would you speak as a witness if you saw saw a man wielding a knife against a woman he did not know? Would you speak up if you saw a hit and run? Most people would. But those same people will not speak up or come forward when the crime is domestic violence. Hitting your spouse is more acceptable than hitting a stranger.

The same thing is true when it comes to the workplace. If a man calls too often (and rest assured, this is calculated -- if your possession is working that means that there's a large part of the day where she is out of your control), or comes by and causes trouble, rather than asking what might be going on in the relationship, your coworkers and boss are generally going to roll their eyes and ask the victim to correct the problem. The same thing if she takes sick days because of his behavior. And if she doesn't correct the problem? She gets fired.

By refusing to hold men accountable for their actions, we are giving them tacit permission to go on with the abuse. It's okay to hit your wife. Nobody will say anything. The police won't help you. Your family won't help you. Your boss won't help you. You're on your own.

Next week's essay, by the way, will be on why Domestic Violence is a community problem.

3. Socialization

Despite the many years of women's liberation, the predominant view in society is still that men are supposed to be in charge. True, it may not be spoken directly, but it doesn't have to be.

Examine the major consequences to the male ego if he is perceived by other men as not wearing the pants in his relationship. We have invented any number of ugly words to describe such a condition -- pu$$y-whipped, ball-less, spineless, boytoy. They all add up to one thing. The man who is not in control may as well be impotent. That is how he will be viewed by his peers.

Yes, this is a generalization. Yes, changes have been made. But when you look at the most telling part of our society, entertainment, it is easy to see that we still think that men should be strong and that violence is sexy.

Answer 5

because they want to dominate and control the woman...it is not about love it is about obedience...they want to totally control a woman's thinking and her actions...cutting her off from friends and family so that she will be totally dedicated to that one person...It is truely a sickness and a very dangerous one...if you are in a relationship that is heading down that path, get some help and get out fast...good luck

Answer 6

Probably for the same reasons a woman does this.

This isn't a gender issue, but a character issue, and I believe you should rephrase the question to accurately reflect that this is not a gender issue.

Answer 7

a man can never be as good as a woman at manipulation.....