My wife had a affair 3 years ago and I still feel some pain. How do I get over it.?

Question

The affair was physical without intercouse, she was very emotionally envolved.

Answer 1

My man...I feel your pain....My brother had the same problem...If you are still married to her...you are a better man then either he or I....if you are not still married, the best thing you can do is:

a...get your friends together and hang out...talk about nothing but sports or whatever...not about chics...

b:..go find another woman...

Eventually the pain goes away...or you will have to let her go away...if she has any attachment still...then cut the strings...

Answer 2

Yes, in any relationships, usually women involve feelings or emotion. I can understand your feelings of being betrayed. But if it's in the past and she's not doing it anymore, just one answer: forgiveness and forgetting. It's always in 1 package. And ask her WHY she did that (that's how both of you can settle the roots of the problems 100%). If it's a part of your mistake (maybe you didn't give her enough attention, romance, meet her needs, etc), then fix it together with her. I'm a woman. When a woman has an affair, usually it's because she can't get her needs fulfilled by her husband.. after WAITING for a long time. I'm not saying that it's ok to have an affair though. There's a saying: marriage is a school of forgiveness. Sometimes it's VERY hard to forgive, but no choice. You must forgive her and start all over again. And she must forgive you, too. Btw, sometimes the person guilty feels a deep remorse and is more difficult to forgive himself/.herself.

Answer 3

She had an emotional affair, you will still feel pain, but why did she have an emoitonal affair, did you neglected her needs of being wanted, desired, and loved?
Just be careful, when men don't put interest in their wives, you are making her very vulernable for another man to find a lonely, broken hearted, neglected woman, and pull wools over her, and tell her everything that she has been wanted to hear from her own husband, but now she hears all from a man who knows how to take women away from neglected marriages just for sex!

Answer 4

I am not sure that you will ever forget. I had a similar thing and I still think about it from time to time. Hopefully over time you will think about is less and less. I know that some thing can trigger the thoughts for me (like going out with the girls, etc).

I went to see a counselor for a few months and that really helped me because I could talk about how I was feeling to someone who didn't know me and would not take sides or judge.

Give it some more time. I don't think there is a firm rule on how long it takes to get over these things. The important thing is:

"is she really SORRY for what she has done?"

I think there has to be that remorse there in order to move on. Has she changed any "bad" habits that might lead to her doing this again?

I could talk for ages about this, but I hope this helps.

If you still love her, and you guys are good together (have similar interests, laugh together, etc), then stick with it.

Cheers!

Answer 5

I have been married and divorced three times. My second wife had an affair the first six mounths of our marriage. I spent the next ten years trying to get over it . I never really did but the pain of it has subsided somewhat with time. I ended up divorcing her anyway and I have found that if your mate chooses to have an affair at all ,your relationship is already over and you prolong your pain trying to mend it.I'm not a Psychologist but you might try talking to one in your area. They may provide usefull councilling to help you get through it. Good luck!

Answer 6

Have you solved the WHY of the emotional affair, which is far worse than a strictly physical one in my opinion?

Maybe you should back off and figure out what still bothers you and tell her you would appreciate it if you could speak with her aobut it. BUT that means you have to be prepared to hear how she doesn't want to deal with this anymore.

YOu probably need to air you laundry better than you did 3 years ago. Be mature and open and honest and come from a place of understanding NOT accusing and name calling.

Answer 7

ahahah, stop trying to forgive the b--ch ! She did what she did cause she wanted too,and no other excuse. Three years, you think she was thinking of you or your feelings when she had that other guy between her thighs, I don't think so.If given the chance again, if she hasn't already, she will do it again.

Ounce a f----king cheater, always a cheater !

Time for you to clear up and leave for better things in life, she didn't see it in you and I would say still doesn't, and will step out at the first chance she gets, why not you forgave her the firt time! That's what hurting you, you know she will !

I'm being harsh, for that I apoligise and really feel for you, but I have known guys like you more often than not, its such a waste of your time. I remember a friend who was at the grave site of his pasted wife, she was a great friend and companion, she cheated on him several times, I know, she offered her companionship to me. I didn't except but knew a few that did and it broke my heart. I wanted to tell him his wife was nothing more than a whore with his ring on her finger!

If you still hurt, slap yourself and smile, you are there cause you want to be there. Maybe you can talk to her and the next time she decides to cheat on you, maybe she will be considerate enough to invite you for a threesome, you can be in charge of the dildo !

Answer 8

quite simply you don,t, well i couldn't, i think you must be very strong person if you can forgive your partner for having an affair as i know that i couldn,t. I think every time she goes out the door you will be wondering where she is, has she really popped to town for an hour? and every time you argue you will throw it back in her face, basically if you can do this and learn to trust her again then good luck but i know i would not even give her the chance, once a cheat always a cheat.

Answer 9

I believe you never get over things like that. You have to try to find a way to live with it. A good thing to do is....when ever them bad memories try to creep up on you and put you in a bad mood, you must try and push them memories out as fast as possible and think of good memories. Immediately try to remember something about her that makes you happy. Keep in mind that we are only human that constantly make mistakes..and the flesh is weak.Try to forgive her.And it would'nt hurt to pray for healing of the heart. There is light at the end of this dark tunnel my friend....it may take years....but one day it will stop hurting.Hang in there.

Answer 10

You might not get over it as it has caused you lots of pain and probably changed the dynamic of your relationship. I give you credit for sticking it out and hanging in there - I'm not so sure I could do that.

I would think it's a day by day process - try not to let it control you, try not to focus on it - just remember her before the affair and remember that she is trying to change too.

Answer 11

I wish I could tell you that time heals all, but somethings can't be healed in my opinion. I tried to forgive and ex for cheating on me, but found that it was impossible to let it go. No matter how much I wanted to forget about it I couldn't. It caused me to be suspicious, jealous, insecure. I began to not even trust myself! Finally I realized that I didn't want to be in a relationship without trust. For me, trust is everything and without it, what is there? I let him go and it was the best thing I ever did. I had to take some time to myself and learn to trust my own self again. I had let myself become so insecure because of his cheating! Now my life is wonderful. I have a wonderful husband that I trust completely! Now if he cheated, although I love him, I wouldn't forgive him because I know what it does to me when I try!