Why doesn't my 36 yr old husband want to have sex?

Question

My husband and I have been married for a year, and we've probably averaged having sex maybe 100 times, that's stretching it. We usually have sex at least once maybe twice a week. He couldn't care less if we have it or not. I'm a pretty nice looking woman, I think. I'm not overweight. Could someone tell me why he doesn't want to make love to his wife? It's really getting annoying.

Answer 1

I was in a marriage like that - we are no longer together. That says alot.

1)He is either spending his sexual energy on porn (which most men do - it's a fact).

2)Another possibility is that he is having an affair.

3)A third possibility is that you make it too available. Some men enjoy the chase more than the prize.

4)If he has a stressful or physically taxing job, he might just be drained and when you are stressed or drained, sex is the last thing on anyone's mind. Sexual urges come when the body is relaxed.

If it's number 1 - you should probably talk to him. Find out if he does delve into porn on a regular basis? Don't be offended if he's honest and admits it. I would say 99.9% of men do - us women just have to get saucy between the sheets again.

If it's number 2 - you should find out and probably confront him. Depending on the two of you, it could go any which way. It's usually not a good sign though.

If it's number 3 - play hard to get. Don't be too available. Get your own interests and do things for yourself. Don't be there at his beck&call. Get out and make him jealous. Look fab and go out with your friends - leave him at home moping. He'll soon have to 'prove himself as The Man' by sexually impressing you.

If it's number 4 - run him a hot bath, put some muscle relaxants in the water. Destress the home and then get ready to cuddle after that. Once he's relaxed and had a sleep he'll probably feel aroused.

All the best!

Answer 2

Well if I were in your husband's place then I would not miss a single opportunity to have sex with you especially when you are good looking and not over weigtht.

I think too much sex does drain the energy of man.
That could be a reason why he wants to keep it infrequent.

Try feeding him lots and lots of good food.

Keep him energetic.
Make sure you do not nag him too much since this often discourage men from having sex.

Then in a few days he will chase you for sex even if you are not so much keen on it that day ! Yes men are like that.


Yes, that could work out well .....

UNLESS ...

he has other interests in other women outside his official bed room. If nothing works then you may want to check this other angle too.

Another reason could be he is getting less interested in having sex. Could be possible.

Or is he too busy with his work that he feels disinterested OR finds himself at lack of energy or time to have sex with such a beautiful wife ?

Yes I agree that during the first year of marriage and at the age that you have stated, 100 times in a year is just too less !!
Is he like a priest in a church ? Or does he have a lot of other women at his disposal for sex ? Or is he too busy with something like work that he DARES to ignore his beautiful wife ?
Or is he just like that where he is contented with infrequent sex anyways ?

Or as the remotest possibility just when he is getting interested for sex or getting aroused do you nag him or tell something to put him off or argue with him ? These things often dicourage men.
If you think this is the scenario then try being nice, gentle and cooperative at least sometime before and during sex. This will help this man to enjoy and he will get addicted to having sex with you. This will satisfy your needs as well as his.

Or is he an idealist where he cares more for his ideology than a charming young beautiful wife ?

I have tried to put a lots of possible reasons and potential
suggestions to improve your sex life. Hope one or a few of the above suggestions will be of help to make your sex life happier.

Answer 3

Long but truthful answer:

There could be lots of reasons, some of which could be health related, so you should have him get a checkup. (You don't have to tell him it's about sex, just ask him to get a physical because you worry too much).

If it's not health related, my next question would be; did he ever like having sex a lot more? (don't compare it to the first 2-3 months, it's always more exciting at first). Some guys just aren't sex freaks, just like some girls aren't.

Here's a list of a few things that could be the problem (any one, or combination):

1. Was he really promiscuis before you?
Some guys are bored if they're not getting variety, because they got so used to it before. If you're really seriously into a lot of variety, (i,e,; pretty damn kinky and up for almost anything), then that could cure a guy's boredom, but if you're a "just the basics" woman, that's not going to be enough for most experienced guys, and the fact that he loves you is not going to change that.. much. Some, but not much.
CURE: Get kinky, learn new stuff, be willing to do damn near anything he wants (unless it's truly weird), and let him know that. take the initiative; a lot of times we're not in the mood, but a woman begging to suck us off is usually not going to be met with a "no"!!! Don't wait for him to initiate.

2. Was he ever in love before you?
This kinda is related to #1, in that some guys, if they've only had sex with girls they didn't care about, have a problem with enjoying sex with someone they love, because they feel like they're "corrupting a nice girl". This kinda ties into the how guys are repulsed at any comparison with the idea (even suboncious) of "sex with mommy". Mommy was a nice girl they love, you're a nice girl they love. Get it? Wacky, but it's a real problem. I've known people that had this, but didn't know it.
CURE: Probably needs counselling, but the cure for #1 would help with this as well, because if you're REALLY sexual in bed, you don't look so much like a nice wholesome mommy-type anymore, do you? BE A WOMAN - BE SEXUAL, AND BE SEXY!
P.S. Some guys have this same problem after their wives have children, especially if the wife goes like into 99% "Mommy mode" and stops acting and looking like anything other than a Mommy. There was even a skit on Saturday Night Live, a fake commercial selling "mom" jeans, and the tagline was; "because you're not a woman anymore, you're a mom".
That sums up a lot of women's behavior; they chop their hair off, stop trying to look feminine, and talk about nothing but their kids, and their husband basically becomes "the guy who pays for all this family stuff"
Not very sexually stimulating for a man...

3. Are you a nag? If so, you are to a certain extent "becoming like Mommy" to him, and guess what? This diminishes your sexuality to him. I think this is the BIGGEST FACTOR in women in the situation you're in.
CURE: Learn to appreciate your man for BEING A MAN, not just a money-earing, repairing, help-with-kids, entertainment generating device. If you really show a man you appreciate him on a regular basis, there's almost nothing he wouldn't do for you.
This is lost on most women, they think they have to nag to get him to do anything, then what he does do, he does so grudgingly, and WILL get even in passive-aggressive ways... like not having sex, for instance!
Don't criticise him in front of anyone, EVER, and do and say things to show you genuinly like him and appreciate him.

Sorry about the long answer. Feel free to PM me if you want more suggestions.

Answer 4

Some guys just have a low libido, meaning it's just not important to him. If that's the case, have a talk with him and tell him he'll have to fake it every once in a while (or just sit on his face)

Is he on blood pressure pills? That will kill your drive by the second day. Talk to his doctor about getting the dose reduced.

Is he under stress? Make a plan together to solve the problem, if you can get him to open up about it that is.

Good luck with it.

Answer 5

I am sorry to hear such a thing. There can be a number of things wrong honey:

*He could be going through physical problems such as ED(Erectile Dysfunction),and is afraid to talk about it.

*He can be feeling self conscious about his Labido

*He could be stressed and it is having an effect on his drive.

*He can have homosexual tendencies and may be confused/horrified upon feeling them/afraid to come to the truth

*Or, he could be plain tired from work and doesn't know the correct way to relay it without you being confused or hurt.

All I can offer is that I hope it is an issue that can be resolved with communication of one another's emotions.

Blessed Be and I pray the best for you guys.

Answer 6

Well the only thing i can think of is that maybe you two had sex a little too much, and he doesn't want to hurt your feelings by telling you that he doesn't want to have sex with you anymore because he already knows the response he's going to get out of you.

Answer 7

One thing that will squelch a man's sex-drive quickly is a nagging or controlling woman. If this is the case, he's probably involved with porn or is "taking care of business" some other way. Pressuring him for sex will only make matters worse. If the problem isn't physical, the two of you need to go see a psycho-therapist on the issue...or learn to do without.

Answer 8

Well, there could be any number of reasons. You might try asking him.

He could be bored, have low self-esteme. be depressed, or prefer something that he is not getting from the relationship. You would have to ask him. If he doesn't, or can not answer you, then perhaps suggesting that he talk to a counselor or specialist in problems of a sexual nature may be a good idea.

Answer 9

my husband & {of 22 yrs} & I went through that.I don't know who it was more frustrateing for him or me! We talked about it and I went to the Dr. with him, turns out he had E.D. Thi is a very frustrating thing for both partners.A nd VERY hard for the man to talk about. If you approach him lovingly and talk to him earnestly you may be able to work out your problem. Good luck

Answer 10

he either has a very low libido or he doesnt like you
If its the first you can get him to give you sexual satisfation without actual intercourse and still be the best of friends . If its the latter then move on.