Domestic Violence???

Question

In Feb of this year me and my husband had a fight over money, things got physical on both of our parts and we were somewhat wrestling. Once he left I called the bank and realized he took $900.00 out of our checking account. I called the police, more because I was upset about the money but I had a scratch on my neck they charged him with Domestic Violence, the next day we were getting back to normal the money was put back and all was good. We just found out he had a warrant for DV. He spent last night in jail because he went and turned his self in. He is mad at me and I don't know what to do to make that up to him! I know that I was just as wrong as he was, I feel so bad. I haven't said anything to him because I don't know what to say, help please?

Answer 1

In DV cases the victim doesn't get to drop the charges (at least not where I live) because it's a precaution against the victim being pressured by the abuser to do so. That way the prosecution is not up to the victim and hopefully less malice from the abuser against the victim

That said, making false DV claim is harsh. But sounds like you already know that are feeling reticient.

You two need to talk about it. And be there for him when it goes to court. My only caution is you may want to talk to a lawyer too before speaking in court on his behalf. Filing a false DV complaint is a misdemeanor and you could be charged. You could also be charged with DV yourself as party to the the so called wrestling match.

Best of luck to both of you. I truly hope it works out.

Answer 2

Typically what happens in this situation is the state charged him and not you. Once charges are filed, it's really out of your hands. You can decide to testify against him or not. Typically if someone doesn't testify against the other, there is no case and the charges are dropped. One thing that you should know is that domestic violence happens every day to a woman every minute. It is a cycle that is very hard to break. You might be "ok" right now but the cycle may change from the Honeymoon Phase to the Abusive Phase. If you are in fear of "what may happen" when he comes home, you can contact the National Domestic Violence Coalition to get in touch with a domestic violence program. You can speak with someone who would be able to help you find a safe place, establish a safety plan, and get you in touch with a counselor at no cost to you. There are places you can stay that are safe and where you don't have to worry about sleeping at night. I wish you much safety!

Answer 3

Well I can understand where you are coming from. I would most likely be the one the police were called on. What you need to do is go to the police station and explain what happened. You don't have to press charges. On another account if you two are going to make it work, you can't call the police when all he did was take money from an account you both had access to. You both need to work this out. The police had to have had some reason (coming from you) that it was truely a DV crime.

Answer 4

If you mutually got into a fight and then you chose to use a scratch on your neck against him then I don't blame him for being mad. If he assaulted you and you were hurt I don't blame you. If you assaulted him and the scratch was from him defending yourself I think YOU need to do some jail time.
Deal with the police issue. Never hit each other again. Was alcohol involved? If so stop drinking. If this was a single stupid incident then you can work through it - if this is routine you guys are doomed.

Answer 5

As a former police officer, Domestic violence calls on the the radio is the most popular calls everyday after 7:00pm
Anger is the issue. Out of control anger leads things that is so costly. Try to find other methods of controlling dangerous anger.

Answer 6

Maybe he will realize that it wasn't all your fault. You can help him when he goes to court by telling the judge the whole story. Usually the police don't press charges unless you want to but I don't know how it is in your state.
Good luck in the future. Domestic Violence is not a good record to have. It never goes away and can prevent people from getting some jobs.

Answer 7

If things were truly okay then why would he be mad? Is this the first time things got "physical?" If so, then perhaps counseling is all that is needed. If not, then it's time to leave. It can only get worse (I have been there). People don't change. Why would he take money out of a joint account? It sounds like it's time to start looking out for #1: you! I hope you don't have children involved in this, they suffer more than you know. Good luck.

Answer 8

When 2 people fight, there are 2 people guilty, but you called the cops on him and you should tell him that. That you where upset with him, because he took money.
I'm sorry to say, but you and your man are not 12 and 13 anymore, you first of all don't fight like that.
Maybe you should break up, before you get a fight about something ells and you 2 really go at it and you might really need to call the cops for DV.

My advice is, talk to him, tell him your side and listen to his side and think about breaking up with him.

Good luck to you...

Answer 9

Well first you need to call the prosecutor. And tell him you want to drop the charges. BUT, a lot of states will still press charges. And allot of times, the Judge will not believer that it was the both of you. And the reason is most abused women will drop charges out of fear.
Also, if he is still locked up, see if you can bail him out.

Now third of all The pair of you need to get it together. NO ONE has the right to put there hands on each other. And if the two of you were wrestling around, THAT IS TOTALLY out of control! I do understand that we all get "heated" but, come on now is all that's happening now worth it? I wish you luck!

Answer 10

Violence is NEVER okay in any relationship. You don't need to 'make this up to him'. If you and your husband are getting into violent fights, then it's time to end the relationship before things escalate and one of you ends up in the hospital. He's the kind of guy who will physically hurt you and also run off with your money. Not a keeper, really.