I'm 23 he is 31. We've been dating for 2 years, dealing with a lot of long distance relationship. I'm French &he is American. I've lived with him 5 months last year, then back to France, and 3 this year. Relatives ask us about getting married & afterward I bring the subject to discuss it &see how he feels, but the thing is: I freak out every time. I just somehow &up in tears, and really not knowing what I want. He never told me straight that he wanted to marry me. He said things like "I'm the first of his girlfriends that he could imagine marrying", that he "wants to settle down soon", etc. He did add last time that he knows I'm scared about it & that he doesn't bring the subject much because of that. The thing is I'm trying to get a working visa so I can stay in the US and live with him, but it's hard &I'm afraid that the only way for us to be together is to get married but I don't want to get married to have a visa I want the contary. I feel lost because I really want to be with him.
2006-12-05 06:58:04 · 8 answers · asked by Pyrene 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He loves me, that's not a problem.
Getting a visa is thought... Even being French. It's complicated and a lot of companies don't want to sponsor you for a visa... I'm still looking, because it would give us more time and I think that's what I need.
I'm just afraid of being away from him again. It was really hard not to be with each other, to share things everyday, to wake up by his side and do things with him.
I know I need more time, but sometimes I feel like I don't have that time.
I have to go back to France in February, and it might mean that I won't see him for maybe 6 months if not more.
I think I'll do what one of you said and take more time to talk about it with him, because I do need to hear what he thinks too.
2006-12-05 07:22:02 · update #1
If your not overjoyed about marrying him. Then don't get married. If you are freaking out anytime marriage is brought up- then something is not right. Maybe its not the right timing or maybe your just comfortable. Don't let fear keep you from moving on. On the other hand, if you REALLY want to be with him you need to sort out the marriage issue and communicate with one another so your both on the same page.
2006-12-05 07:05:56 · answer #1 · answered by Yvette H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't marry him yet. get a visa and stay in the US with him for a while til you decide if you want to make it permanant. French people shouldn't have much trouble getting a visa to come to the US. Just give it time. Good luck!
2006-12-05 15:00:45 · answer #2 · answered by Atousa 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont get married just to live in the US, i know that would be the easiest way but if you are scared about getitng married then its not time yet. If you honestly wanted to marry him you would know for sure. Just wait and give it some time. Dont rush into anything you might regret. Good luck with getitng your visa!
2006-12-05 15:01:53 · answer #3 · answered by georgiabelle87 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you aren't sure what you want right now maybe you aren't ready for marriage. Getting married is something you need to be sure about. If you're confused don't force yourself to reach a decision it will happen with time and patience. If he loves you he will surely understand and wait until you're ready.
2006-12-05 15:03:14 · answer #4 · answered by christina r 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love is TWO WAY road. The fact that you love him is NOT enough; he must LOVE you too.
IF he LOVE you he would do everything possible to take you to States or he would come and live in France.
LOVE means it is IMPOSSIBLE to live without FAR from each other.
Many Lovers they left their own countries and left in third countries just as they LOVED each other.
SO, either he must come and live in France, or must hire a lawyer take you to States, or HE IS not really loving you.
LOVE HAS TEST THAT A MAN/WOMAN MUST PASS IT!
2006-12-05 15:14:01 · answer #5 · answered by Iranian Amigo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't jump into marriage until your ready or you will have to jump into divorce. Wait it out until you get your visa. Can you live with him in the US before you get your visa?
2006-12-05 15:01:23 · answer #6 · answered by Venus 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm in a similar situation, and if you have to ask or wonder then don't do it. LOVE isn't unsure. GOOD LUCK!
2006-12-05 15:12:33 · answer #7 · answered by cindy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i dont know why you freak out really.... but talking about it more with him or even someone else can help you figure out why you do....
2006-12-05 15:01:55 · answer #8 · answered by Earls Gurl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋