2006-12-05 06:55:18 · 27 answers · asked by crazartgirl 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
Is he doing drugs. If you are not sure, give him drug screening tests. If he is doing drugs get him into a treatment program. And if he is not doing drugs get him a psychologist. Monitor his friends, take away his cellphone. Perhaps you all should be in family therapy together to learn how to communicate effectively. Pull in the reins and establish some boundaries to improve his grades and some consequences if the grades are not improved. Also provide incentives or rewards if he does improve his grades and his attitude. Remind him that you love him but you don't like his behaviour and you want him to be prepared to live a healthy happy life when he leaves your home at adulthood. If he has bad influences from friends in his school you may consider getting him into an independent study program where he can progress at his own pace to finish high school. He might get a job too to fill up his spare time. For social interaction maybe you should insist that he go to church and get involved in a youth group. This is a tough time but you are still in charge, he is still a immature child and you have the responsibility to do what you can to keep him safe and guide him to not make the wrong choices. Good luck! I have lots of experience with teenagers!
2006-12-05 11:48:10 · answer #1 · answered by SunFun 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a tough age. Most teenagers have a defiant and disrespectful phase, it's about learning to be an effective adult (apparently!!!) keep telling yourself that, it might help. Bad grades, there could be many reasons for but the legal troubles are a worry.
You probably need to speak to him. I'm sure you already have but try and do the impossible and not get angry. Explain why you are worried and ask him to talk to you about what's going on. Listen to him. The less you say the more he will say. If you start to get upset tell him you need to have a think about what he's said and ask if he minds contining the discussion at a later time.
It's a really difficult situation you are in. Hopefully it is just a phase and he will grow out of it but it's too serious to just leave to chance.
good luck.
2006-12-05 08:01:14 · answer #2 · answered by gerrifriend 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My first question is "Are both parents involved in his life?" You can find him some support through a mentoring program if not.
copy and paste:(.http://www.bbbs.org/site/c.diJKKYPLJvH/b.1539751/k.BDB6/Home.htm).
If you are the only parent, don't fool yourself into thinking that he'll talk to you about anything. He will not.Children need both gender roles present for support, life choices, mentoring,etc.
His grades could be resulting from depression and possibly frustration. I will tell you that my mother did more yelling and crying than anything. Many other relatives did a lot of lecturing and scolding. I just wanted someone to hear me...shut up and listen.My mother and a drug/alcohol counselor finally did. 15 years is a very fragile age for a teenager. He's growing inside as outside. His mind is "thinking" about many things. Don't be too hard on him (I know you're frustrated and exhausted). Sit down peacefully with him. Enlist the help of someone who can mediate (neutral party) between you and him & help keep a calm mood. My mother used a parent ( she was a board member of the school district, She would give me "safe refuge" when I ran away)of a close friend of mine. They made me realize how my actions could result in long term affects. Had it not been for that conversation I probably would have not been able to join the service. Without the service I probably would have not attended school. Without the school I would have not landed a career that I love. A negative pattern in life can become comfortable if we do it long enough and the consequences don't have much impact. The problem here is these consequences don't seem hard now because there are no goals or aspirations in place. Motivate your son about his future!Your son will not stop dreaming today. It would be a terrible shame if he couldn't make a dream a reality five years from now because of something he did today. Ask him if he has any goals, wishes about life what he wants to be or do in the world. Try spinning this into his current behavior. Let him realize how his actions can impact his future. If he doesn't know what he wants to do, this is where a mentor can come in. It can be a student working on a criminal justice degree, a young soldier who attends school on the side, or a father who coaches a little league team. Either way, if he doesn't know where his bridges lead to, that's no reason to burn them down now. He may want to cross them when he's older.
Ask him if he wants to live a happy and properous life or does he want to fill his life with "could've," "would've" or "should'ves". I only have 2, I could have had more. Felons have many. I participated in a "scared straight" program at the ages 14 and 16. I was admitted twice to behavioral hospitals. I attempted suicide once, OD'd on cocaine twice. I was placed on a CPO (court protective order) at 20. My rehab was payed through the city as part of a deal with detectives of the local law enforcement. I committed to stay out of trouble and police blotters for a year and a half. If I succeeded,I would go into the service and surprise my mother (we didn't talk for two years) I had changed my old playgrounds, my play toys and gave up my old playmates. I re-invented myself.I decided that I was ready for the military.I suprised my mom one day during Christmas leave. I stood in front of her door in my uniform. Her best Christmas ever. DO NOT think the military is a rehab program! We had the same kids in here too. We just Chapter them out! No money for school, general discharge maybe dishonorable, and a free ticket back home... to you.Good luck!
2006-12-05 08:07:52 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Like the other poster said, boot camp or boarding school. Kids like this pretty much have to hit rock bottom before they can change. And they have to want to change on their own, nothing you can do can make them want to.
Not to be rude, but you have pretty much dropped the ball on this one. It took 15 years of bad parenting to bring him to this point. Bad parenting doesn't mean you are a bad person, it just means you are not equipped with the skills to raise a child successfully. I know it is hard to do. And I am sure you have done this to the best of your ability.
I see this too many times in families. Parents think being their kids best friend and the favorite parent on the block makes for well behaved and well raised kids. YOU only think you are the good guy, you child see you as a chump.
Discipline starts early in a child's life. You need to set those boundaries early and remember you are the parent NOT the best friend. You must be fair and consistent and firm.
You have a tough road ahead of you and I wish you all the best
2006-12-05 07:13:18 · answer #4 · answered by Jumper 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First of all, tell him you don't like his behaviour, but you love him very much, and hug him if he'll let you. Keep on saying it.
Then take his car keys. Don't argue about it - he's living under your roof, he lives by your rules. Make sure you have set out your rules. It's a mistake to get into complicated discussions about it - they can so easily lead to raised voices. Keep it cheerful and impersonal. When he asks for something, a cheerful 'no' with no justification is the right answer.
Find SOMETHING, anything, to compliment him on. With my teenagers, and my nine year old, too - sometimes I have to resort to 'wow, your handwriting is so nice', or 'you look nice today', or 'what a great memory you have', 'you're so smart the way you figured out how to.....' - whatever. I think the key is that when they are behaving so badly, it's easy to spend your whole life arguing and criticising and scolding - which is no picnic for you, either. And no kid wants to hear how they are the worst in the world. A compliment, no matter how small, makes us all feel a bit better. And I'm sure your son is feeling miserable right now.
Most kids grow out of their horrible teenaged behaviour. Don't expect anything good in return, no matter how nice you are. You just have to ride it out. Make your rules and stick to the consequences of breaking them. Don't raise your voice. Don't justify your decisions - YOU are the parent, he is the child. Love, love, love. Find some positives to say. Hug him if he'll let you.
And from me to you, as a survivor of teenagers, here's your mantra: this too will pass.
Good luck!!!!!!
2006-12-05 07:47:33 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I went to a boarding school when I was younger and it straightened me up. I left the school with not only a good experience but it matured me alot. The name of the school is French Camp Academy it's a christian school and they will help you on the monthly payments for your son to attend if you are unable to provide the money that month.
frenchcampacademy.com
2006-12-05 09:03:48 · answer #6 · answered by anna♥ L 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
smack him upside the head?
does he have his permit yet? if so, take it away. If not, tell him until he straightens up - grades decent, respectful, no more trouble with the law, he won't be driving.
Don't let him do out, don't let him watch tv, don't let him play video games.
Give him chores to do. Scrub baseboards, wash walls, scrub the floor, clean the bathroom.
Tell him until he cleans up his act that he'll be cleaning.
If he refuses, tell him that you can and will send him to a boot camp for troubled youth.
See if you can tour a jail, and speak with teenage inmates. They will probably tell him that it's not fun.
2006-12-05 07:00:06 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Try a weekend boot camp if you can afford it. maybe some counseling that may help too. Most boys at this age are angry at everything any way. Try and find out if he is having problems with another kid or a girl.
2006-12-05 07:32:29 · answer #8 · answered by mary3127 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
cut him off right now--no money, no car, no privleges, take the door off his room and take everything out of it. when he is at home he is either doing chores or studyig-no phone, no tv, no internet, no music nothing. and don't give in--stick to the punishment no matter how hard it may be. This is what my boyfriends mom did to him when he was 16 and she did it for 1 whole year--but it worked--he straightened up and never got caught again....
2006-12-05 07:54:13 · answer #9 · answered by barbieisagoddess 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
punish him, but don't do it in a malicious way. make sure that he realizes that what he is being punished for is simply because of what he's done, not because you want to make his life a living hell. RELATE to him. tell him some of the stupid things you did when you were his age, make him realize that you love him and are only looking out for his best interest
2006-12-05 13:51:55 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋