how do you tell the one you live with that you are leaving her for the one you love?

Question

i have been married now for 5 years ,not so long a go i had some problems in my marriege and during that time met someone ! after a while she helped me see what i had to do in my marriege to fix it and now thats its fixed i cant seem to forget her what do i do? i think off her always and i wonder did i make the right choice

Answer 1

you are with the one you love. just because someone helped you through a rough time doesnt mean you need to run to her. You fell in love and married the one that you are with now. think back and remember why you fell in love with her and why you made the lifetime commimtment with her 5 years ago.

Answer 2

You've taken steps to mend your marriage, & you think you have been successful, but you haven't been, & here are the reasons why.

The reason your marriage got into difficulties is you couldn't, were unable to, or didn't want to, talk to your wife.

In your question, I don't see anywhere where it says that has changed.

So the situation you find yourself in is that you have emotionally been unfaithful to your wife, because you have confided in another woman your problems, fears & worries. Therefore now what has happened is you have formed an emtional bond with another person other than your wife.

So rather than address the communication issues that exist with your wife, you are fixated on a woman you claim to love. But you do not mention whether she has the same feelings for you?

So, I would suggest that you back away from this other woman, & concentrate on improving your communication. Because if you had done that in the first place, you would not of created this situation.

Answer 3

it is very common for u to be drawn to someone who has helped u.

it does not always lead to a lasting relationship.

u have to be sure that ur feelings were not born of gratitude.

if she had feelings for u she probably would have said.

at the same time, she might just be that rare person who is very special and puts her own feelings aside.

ur relationship at present is probably only going to survive if u rediscover each other.

if u don't want to even explore that then maybe u need to consider whether ur marriage is saveable.

i would suggest marriage guidance. try relate.

if u genuinely do not think ur marriage will be rekindled, u could try contacting this other and ask her what she thinks u should do. u could then explain that u have feelings for her. she may politely decline, in which case u r sure in ur own heart of " what might have been" not being a reality. u are then left to sort out ur marriage.

I wish u all the very best.
i wish ur wife all the very best too.

good luck.

Answer 4

First things first. Did you have an affair with this woman you met that helped you solve those problems in your marriage?

I'm sure you know that you still went through the acts of emotional infidelity with this woman. Have you lost all the love you have for your wife?

Did you make the right choice? Perhaps you did when you married your current wife, perhaps you didn't. Only you can determine what your heart AND head feels.

Answer 5

Are you for real?

If so you need to run to the nearest marriage counselor you can locate. You are falling prey to the oldest illusion in the book. If the grass was truly greener on the other side why aren't there more folks out there who are happy??!! The thing is, viewing the other side of the fence is only one perspective. If you saw it from another point of view you would realize the manure they use to make that grass greener is not so pleasant. Get my drift? HUGE mistake to leave someone for someone you THINK you know and THINK you love. You better get some sound counseling before you ruin your life forever my friend.

Answer 6

Excuse me, but what exactly was the 'choice'? I didn't see any. You met someone and she helped fix your marriage - she didn't offer you any choices, did she? I think you are hankering after her only because your marriage is not 'fixed' as you say, but is a source of discontent to you. Before you start trying to work out something with the other girl, you should either clear up the mess in your marriage or get out. Good luck whatever you do.

Answer 7

That's a really tough question, and furthermore some tough life decisions for you. First of all, wish you had given a few more details about your life to better answer your question. For instance, do you have children with your current wife of 5 yrs? That would make things a lot, LOT more tricky/difficult. I have a 4 yr old daughter, and like you, I have/had problems with my daughter's mother. Needless to say, we all still live together, to me, for the benefit of my child. I don't really want to be with her mother that much, but I couldn't imagine leaving my daughter to live elsewhere. Then again, some people have said that it's best that my daughter not hear arguments all the time between her mother and I. See... very complex when children are involved. If you are childLESS, then I'd say GO FOR IT. You only live once man, live it to it's most positive extent. Live/go for the one who makes YOU more happy. If this woman you met in that interim made you most happy, or seemed to be "the one" for you, then waste no more of your time, or your life... GO to her. Let her know you want to be with her definitively, then go tell your wife. The talk with your wife will most likely not go as smoothly, but for you it's for the best. Sometimes in life, we must think of what's best for ourselves. GOOD LUCK to you and take care!

Answer 8

If your marriage is fixed, then why do you care about this other woman. The grass always seems greener on the other side. You made your choice, you owe it to your wife to put heart and soul into the commitment you made when you married. Forget about something that was never meant to be.

Answer 9

If you can see your future with your wife, sharing the passion, holding hands, sneaking a kiss and smiling at one another with laughter then stay where you are BUT if you have memories of this other person embedded in your Heart and she makes you feel alive and you can see a positive future down the road with her then go with your Heart and tell your wife. I saw a married man for over a year while in a marriage myself. His of over 35 years and mine over 20 years of being married. Both of us needed joy and passion in our lives because our spouses settled for less than that and we didn't really matter to them except for convientience and what we could do for them. Now we enjoy giving and hey we give to each other, its NOT just one sided anymore. Family and grown children can be the first to throw stones at us and I hope someday their children when their grown don't judge them and realize their STILL loved by both parents even though their parents made a mess with their relationship.Only GOD knows the Heart and we ONLY have to answer to him and hey No-One pays our bills but us . Also if they don't straighten up they may get taken off the beneficery list. Not to smart to abuse your parents mentally by not talking to them or leaving you and your new spouse out of Holiday events...Just remember that CHILDREN next time you cast a stone at them. A marriage can be spiritually dead " Til death us do part" That doesn't mean a physical death to me. Live your life the best way you know how to do because life is too full of " What Ifs " Merry Christmas. . .

Answer 10

If it is fixed, why are you still thinking about someone else?

Thinking about someone, and making a choice for yourself.....does that mean that she has also chosen to wait for you to divorce your wife so she can be with you? Doesn't it occur to you that maybe your wife should have some "choice" in what is happening to her future as well? It isn't just "your" marriage, but you have chosen to let a 3rd person into it.

Reading what you have typed, I can only say that you should tell your wife that you don't love her anymore, and let her make the choice as to what to do with the relationship. She will be devastated, but it is obvious you don't care anyway.

Answer 11

It doesn't sound like your marriage is fixed. Does the other woman even want to be with you knowing full well that you are willing to break your vows just because someone else caught your attention? I wouldn't. But, if you don't love your wife enough to choose her, then by all means just be honest with her and let her get on with her life.