Still hurts?

Question

I am a combat soldier who fought in Iraq. I lost some of my friends over there. I was nearly killed several times.

While over seas my spouse was having an affair, actually she was having the affair before I left. Things were really bad between us. Mostly due to her unwillingness to end her affair.

I have a son with her. She claims he is not biologically mine. To me he is my son regardless. I have been in family court for 4 years already fighting for my rights. It is a very long and tiring process. In court she now claims I beat her, I cheated on her, I take naked pix of my kid and put him on the i-net.

Obviously she s a sick person. She was not like this until her affair with this guy. To me, he is the devil on earth. A loser. Yes it takes two to tango. As a man I can not see trying to run off with another mans family.

Why wont the memories of the good times go away. She has been an absolute demon for the past 4 years.

Answer 1

they say we become like those we are sleeping with, atleast it was true of my ex when he began his affair. but u know something told me he was always like that, that he just wasn't confortable in his role in life. she is trying to get u to give up on the kid, and just go away. we think we had a wonderful life, we thought alot of the person, and in reality we just failed to see them for who they really were. we often blame ourselves for it, we wonder where we went wrong, and if we could have prevented it, but in reality it wasn't our doing, but theirs. u feel bad because u expect her to be fair, as u are, but it isn't going to happen. we have to stop expecting fairness, the other man doesn't have your character, or moral's and his belief system isn't the same as yours is.
i am so sorry u are hurting so badly, u have had a bad thing happen to u, and for no reason at all. sometimes it is best to stay away from devil's and distance yourself. do u really want to stay involved with these people and have to deal with them for many years to come? she will keep doing things to hurt u, so she can just get rid of u completely. u are a reminder of what she did to u. good luck, hope the courts see reason.

Answer 2

You sound like a good man. Have a DNA test done; maybe the child really is yours. If not, let the child go. A custody battle always hurts the child. Your fight in the courts is preventing you from recovering because it keeps the unfortunate situation fresh. It will take you a while to recover, but eventually you will find a woman who deserves you and an opportunity to have children with her.

Answer 3

I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry for the hard things you've been through. Of course those memories are still there because you loved and probably still love her. But you have to see that she did some very twisted things to hurt you. If anything, try to remember that you're a good person and you didn't deserve what's happened. Try to look forward and move on for your son. He needs a good man like you in your life. Good Luck.

Answer 4

It will hurt for along time, you just need to keep telling yourself that you will definetly be better off without her, I definetley agree I don't understand why people mess with others relationships especially if they are married. You sound like a good man and I think you will find the right person and make you feel special again, try to have fun in life and hang out with friends. Have you got a dna test to find out if the child is yours I wish you the best with your son and hope that situation works out. Keep your head up and don't worry about what she says about you she needs to grow up and act her age

Answer 5

Unfortunatly, all goes in war and love. Divorce and custudy battles are bitter and mentally and financially exhausting. All the dirty laundry will air out in court, and everything that she can come up to, she will use in court.

I feel for you and I'm sorry about your situation. I hope that you get a fair share of visitation. Try to be civil and keep your cool. The court will see how physco she is if she keeps on losing it.

Good luck

Answer 6

When going thru a situation like this, its easy to think of the nice memories, your human. Let me just say, try not to. Think of the things that upset you - keep the anger (temporarily) and use it to get over things. I hope you will get past this and be able to stay in your child's life - yes, you are the father - the one who cares. Its really a shame how she is playing these games. Just remember hun, what goes around - comes around and she'll get hers! Best of luck to you and thank you from the bottom of my heart - for what you've done for our country. Your my hero!

Answer 7

I'm so sorry. I know and I think you do too, that you need to move on. She is horrible and needs some help, but unfortunately, you can't help her. I don't know how to start getting over it other than time will help. Good luck to you!

Thank you for serving our country, I hope you find that you have come home to a grateful country. You deserve that! God Bless!

Answer 8

This is horrible. Unfortunately I don't think there is much you can do about your son. Don't blame the guy - the fault lies with your wife.
Let the memories of the good times be. You don't have to forget them, but don't dwell on them. You need to get out and get a move on with your life. Seek counselling if you need it (I think you do). She will get what's coming to her eventually.
Good luck. Thank you for doing what you do for your country (even for those who don't appreciate it).

Answer 9

are you fighting custody in court over a child that may not be yours? wow you must relaly love her! first off- get over her and get a DNA test. IF it turns out that the baby is yours- it will be hard for you to get custody since you're in the military you will have to prove to the judge that she's an ufit parent to be with child but even if you get custody- what would you do if you get called for Duty?? this is a ahrd one good luck!

Answer 10

You are a good person. Why wouldn't you want to remember the good things about your childs Mother. Remember that people with out pain are usually inflicting it upon others.