Why does she say such mean hurtful things?

Question

My guess is that most of what she says she means..
My wife has taken on most of the responsibilities with the kids and house duties (her choice, because in her mind I do nothing right). But anyhow, we fight constantly over money issues which always come out when the kids give her a hard time whether it be going to bed or doing homework. Some of the things she says are outright mean such as she hates me, I am a lazy low life and I am the worst father in the world. The reason the father thing comes up is because she focused on my income (she makes more money than me). She always insists on fighting in front of my boys (8 and 5) and when in the heat of battle I cannot ignore her and therefore battle back. I feel bad that my kids hear this but what can I do. She wants me out of the house and says she can do better without me and the kids would be happier but I beg to differ cause she cant handle it with me home. I hurt inside, I think of myself as a good father. Is money everything? Help

She constantly brings up my family and belittles them. I come from a poor family and she comes from a middle class one. I think where I am in life is a great improvement and I stand proud. We are always around her family cause they live near us but never around mine (they live far away). I dont want to leavee her ONLY because of the kids but I am staring to really hate her and her ways. I work 12 hours a day and make about 60000 a year and I spend any other time with my children (mostly playing with them and spending time reading with them. I get them ready every morning for school, I bathe them at night and get them ready for bed. The only thing she can use against me is the money issue and I was wondering do you think she really wants me gone? She tries to use other things like I am a bad father but I dont think that **** flies. I hate these feelings I have but she never lets them subside. She has threatened me last night with bodily injury from an X that is connected. I blew my top

Answer 1

she feels like you let her down. if you can get a second job and relieve her of that stress

Answer 2

First thing is to take it away from the kids. They don't need to feel that they are the reason you are fighting. They will no matter what it's about. No money isn't everything but it can cause a lot of problems when you don't have enough to pay the bills and buy things you want... You should do more to help around the house even if its just doing the dishes. even the kids should be helping at that age. Set guide lines for the kids and enforce them. She feels stressed out I bet and if you and the kids would help more it would ease up on the stress. Try doing some budget cuts, look at what you can do with out, The most import thing is to have fun as a family do things together. and watching TV is not quality time together.

Answer 3

I am a mother of three and this sounds a lot like me except in a few different aspects. Financially our lives are stressful. My husband is in the Marine Corps and unlike what people may think, he brings in about 1/2 of the average American. I can not work between his demanding schedule and my children. Sometimes my kids get so irritating that I feel like I couldn't do it without him and I sometimes call him because things get out of control. I get the attitude and he is mean to me. I try to love him and caress him always and he rejects me. I could do it all on my own but he says I wouldn't be able to. One day I will show him. As for you, Part of me says she doesn't deserve you BUT I think something down deep inside of her is causing this and I think some counseling would maybe do some good. Either something in her childhood, a father hardly there etc.., or maybe she is feeling all alone (although she's not). Either way, I don' think it is something you are or are not doing, I think it is something inside her that she needs to seek out and fix and you need to be prepared and stand by her no matter what.

Answer 4

in my opinion she is looking for someone to blame..ie..she is upset at the kids or something else and she just sees it best to get mad at you to relieve some of her anger on life. And the reason she tells you the things she tells you is bc she knows those words are the worst possible thing she could say that would bring you down...to make her feel justified. It is also my opinion that she needs some help. If possible sit down and talk with her about the things she has said to you and how it makes you feel. Most likely half the stuff she said she will not remember and will realize how bad it was. She also needs to make an appt. with her doctor to get on some type of anti-depressent, anxiety medication...I only know this becase i was the same way a while back, always taking my stress and angers of lik\fe out on my husband bc there was no one else to do it on. Dont get upset at the things she says...She does love you and does appreciate you, she just needs help finding that way of life again.

Answer 5

Sweetheart, this is a power struggle that she has going on....Something has mad her upset and you really need to sit girlfriend down and talk to her....It could be that she's going thru something at work and don't know how to handle it, something someone did to her, jealousy of how one of her friends are living and wants the same, maybe she feels like she needs more.....COMMUNICATE with misery and pray for her that things will change...I know for a fact that prayer helps as it helped me....

First of all, pick your head up as you should not blame yourself for her ignorance....Don't not blame yourself for how she is acting as you are just someone who she's taking her anger out on for some reason....As a woman, I know that sometimes when we feel like we're being ignored, the first thing we do is hurt you emotionally with harsh words....

Secondly, no matter how nasty she gets and start yelling, do not start yelling at her in front of your kids because remember, their learning from their home environment and what you guys are going to affect your kids in some way....

Thirdly, sit your wife down to talk to her....Maybe since she came from a better family than yours' she's expecting more from you....I personally think you are doing a great job...There are a lot of men out there who don't lift a hand to help their wives with nothing....I am proud that you are helping....

Fourthly, no matter what she says, be proud of yourself for coming from a poor family and make $60,000.00 a year there's a lot of men out there making much less...If I had a man out there was making the salary that you make, I will be greatful....


Finally, if she doesn't want to talk to you, then fine, let her miserable self stay by herself and you start taking the boys out and doing things with them alone as no one should endure a miserable woman.....

Answer 6

Did I miss something?
A second job? You work 12 hours a day and make $60, 000 and she makes more than you?

This is not a money issue, it is a power issue.

Your question and details are well written, lucid and straight forward.

I do agree with Mike, take it away from your kids, don't run their mom down.

But, get professional help for both of you if possible, for you if she won't do it.

Hate is corrosive. Forgive her, love her and get help.

Answer 7

sometimes i really think so, that is all my boyfriend and i fight over. that he never has any money for himself, after moving into a house, it is quite frustrating...but i would not let anyone say you are a bad father, unless you are not around, because it works both ways