My wife had a very over the top flirtatious situation with a guy about 3 months ago. I am trying to trust her again. I do believe that situation has surely ended, however, I am able to forward her emails to mine, really just to feel secure...Unrelated to any affair at all, however, she has lied to me about a business related issue that is important to our marriage. Totally lied...How do I approach her??.....Please leave out the scoulding for forwarding her emails!
2006-12-05 04:40:07 · 24 answers · asked by john w 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I AM DOING THE WORK FREE ON THE PROJECT FOR HER...AND SHE KEEPS ME IN THE DARK OBVIOUSLY WHILE GETTING ADVISE FROM ANOTHER. SHE TOLD ME SHE WAS NOT GOING TO DO SOMETHING AND I FOUND OUT SHE IS!
2006-12-05 04:51:55 · update #1
IT DOES AFFECT OUR FINANCES
2006-12-05 04:53:23 · update #2
You should be ashamed of yourseld for violating your wife's right to privacy. That's mail, and the law applies to that mail too. It's a federal offense to open up another person's mail. As for doing the work free, SHE'S YOUR WIFE. She is not a customer. If she had a job that benefitted you, I highly doubt she would expect you to pay her for it. I also highly doubt you would OFFER.
And why did she flirt in the first place? According to what I am reading here, could it be that you are a very controlling, manipulative, and insecure person and you take it out on her? Women cheat for a reason, unlike men. Women cheat because they are not getting the love and affection they need to survive. Men cheat because they are not being taken care of like 2 year old children they see themselves as. Straighten up your act and quit breaking the law.
2006-12-05 05:08:07 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the situation with the flirting has in fact ended and you truly love her she deserves a second chance. People are human and they are going to make mistakes. That doesn't make it right but it's the hard cold truth. The healing process will take time and hopefully one day you will be able to trust her again. As far as forwarding her emails, if that's what sets your mind at ease then so be it. Unfortunately she caused you not to trust her and maybe this is one way to see that she's not doing something she's not supposed to. In a marriage you give up your privacy because there should really be no secrets anyway. Whatever business issue she lied about confront her about it. Tell her how you feel when she leaves you out of a situation that is so important to your marriage. Marriage is a two way street and if both people aren't able to provide then the marriage is most likely going to fail.
Whatever your situation is I wish you the best of luck and remember your the man, the one who is supposed to do the leading. Not to say that your wife should bow down to you but you should definately be part of the descisions.
2006-12-05 04:58:01 · answer #2 · answered by Bridezilla 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would approach her very carefully. If this lie directly affects your marriage, you have a right to know what is going on... but you have to take a look at why people lie. Sometimes it is to hide the truth, and sometimes people lie because they feel backed up into a corner and feel that the only way to protect themselves is to lie. I have no idea what the situation is, but I feel both of you have issues in trust with each other. This is unhealthy. I think you both should see a marriage councelor to get everything out in the open and hopefully save this marriage. Without trust, there is very little to support the marriage.
In answering your question of how to approach her, I wouldn't come out and confront her. It will only cause her to lie some more. If you can't speak to each other without getting into an arguement of who is right and who is wrong, I would have to still stand with my advice of a marriage counselor who could direct you both on how to talk to each other and start to build a better way of open communication.
2006-12-05 04:49:59 · answer #3 · answered by Darlene L 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I really hate to sound negative, but is there really a future with a woman you can't trust. I'm dealing with that now and I am beginning to realize that it just isn't worth all the heartache and emotional turmoil involved. They obviously don't care enough to be honest; so what can you do? I'm thinking about just ending it no matter how my heart feels, because I know I deserve better. Do you deserve better? Good Luck
2006-12-05 05:34:37 · answer #4 · answered by Wondrin Dude 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey I understand about forwarding her emails. Nothing wrong with that. Your just a concerned husband who wants to keep his marriage in tact and obviously you love your wife. Well I would say confront her face to face. Thats the only thing you can do really. Your just going to have to approach her by starting a normal conversation then tell her whats on your mind. Good luck!
2006-12-05 04:44:47 · answer #5 · answered by . 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Explain to her that you would never conceal information from her because you never want her to doublt you.
Tell her you feel that she has some problem and she is not being completely honest with you.
You want to trust her, but her flirting and secrets are making it difficult.
You need to be firm and let her know that the marriage wont last if the trust is not there.
Ask her what she thinks is lacking in your relationship and how the two of you and improve it.
You need re-assurance or this will nver work out.
Good Luck
2006-12-05 04:53:18 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
It going to be hard for you to approach her about this, cause she is going to wonder how you found out, and if you come clean about that, there is going to be a fight.
Are these buisness deals revelant to your marriage? Is it worth picking a fight about? You can tell her that marriage is a bond of trust. And that if there is no trust there is nothing. If she is lying all the time, you have to tell her what is the point of even being married. And maybe seek some marriage counsiling.
2006-12-05 04:48:03 · answer #7 · answered by Sophiegreeneyes 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yeah you definitely weren't wrong for forwarding the emails, you are her husband and you gotta do what you gotta do if she is lying. But try and calmly confront her about the situation or hint around, like...So how are things with the Kroger merger. Something like that,and if she still lies tell her you know whats up!
2006-12-05 04:47:45 · answer #8 · answered by Just Me!!! 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
End it and move on. The odds of your ever trusting her again is nill to none, and her trust level in you will unrecoverably plummet, if she has any now, when she finds you have been spying on her. She will find out, it she doesn't know already.
Break it off and run while you still can. No good will come from staying together.
You can have the attorney outline your charges in the filings.
2006-12-05 04:49:29 · answer #9 · answered by Dane 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
approach her in a calm, collected way and explain to her that you need to talk to her. state your point in a calm voice (yelling or raising your voice will probably envoke defensiveness). explain to her that marriage is a partnership in all aspects (well, if YOU believe that) and that lying about business affairs is not acceptable. explain your point of view and give her a chance to explain herself. anything that has to do with finances are important in a marriage because you are tied financially with her (well, maybe not, but assuming you have joint accounts). so, if she goes in debt or what not it affects you too.
2006-12-05 04:49:34 · answer #10 · answered by hoopsgirl808 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋