I am on my first child and my sister is ahead of me by 2 1/2 months. She is on her third but its causing some problems. Everyone is excited about this for me and this included her at first. Today she broke down crying because she said that she is afraid that my pregnancy is more important than hers because this is my first. I asked her why was she thinking this and she replied "because mom asked you to register already". The thing is, I dont have anything and thats why my mother said that. Her youngest is now 2 and her oldest is 3. I feel really bad but at the same time I feel like its a little selfish.I dont know how to make her feel better about this and not feel bad about it myself. What should I do?
2006-12-05 04:36:18 · 16 answers · asked by kellieghr 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
I know how you felt... my sister in law is ahead of me by 2 1/2 months as well... and my husband and I just found out mid November that we are pregnant... I am 7 weeks and she is 15 weeks... I was VERY reluctant to even say anything for awhile because I didnt know how they would react.... they have been married 10 years and this is their first kid.... and we have only been married 6 months and this is our first child.... they are about 9 years older than my husband and I, and its not like they couldnt get pregnant they just werent ready yet.... SO...again, I was scared to say anything... well it turns out they all were very happy and excited that they would have a cousin the same age... she is acting as my mentor.... maybe you could use your sister as a mentor... ask here about her experiences... make her feel like she is a pro... and talk about how close your children will be, and how wonderful it will be to have cousins the same age... talk to her about your feelings... tell her that you are sorry she feels that way... but tell her also that you are sad, that she is sad... it should be a happy time for both of you... and you are in need of her support... obviously we are all hormonal with our pregnancies ever more so.... so its hard to say how she will react... but tell her about your feelings... it sounds so oprah... but its true... i was afraid to tell people... and my husband pushed me to do it... and i am so glad we did.... so i dont feel like i have to hide the joy inside me... literally!!!! but she is your sister, be happy that you guys get to do this together... it can be an experience that you guys will never forget and always cherish... tell her that... and good luck.... and I wish you and your sister a wonderful pregnancy!!!! :)
2006-12-05 04:50:24 · answer #1 · answered by Kara K 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can understand where she's coming from but then again i understand when you say a little selfish. All you can really do right now is be there for her and show her how excited you are and how much you care. A really good way you can do that is by registering together. That way she'll feel just as important. The only reason everyone is a little more focused on you right now is because it's your first child and since it's her third everyone is a little use to it by now. You could talk to everyone else about the way your sister is feeling and let them know it's important to show her just as much attention. A lot of it has to do with her hormones. Hang in there, it'll work out.
2006-12-05 04:42:51 · answer #2 · answered by Curious J. 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Emphasize that you are actually in the low end of this, because you will inevitably need to use many of her hand-me-downs as an economy measure. Try not to emphasize that she's probably already using her own earlier hand-me-downs. Help her replace anything that's getting old and broken down, or just way out of date design, and forget the significance of the registry. People will know that, given you are sisters, they are giving gifts not just to one or the other, but to the family. Then be sure enough consumable stuff is included (diapers is only the most obvious, not the only thing) that she does not feel as though she's just another second-hand Rose.
You make sure your new niece or nephew gets at least one brand new photogenic outfit in newborn size, and make a fuss over him or her to the extent possible. Your turn will come just about the time her situation has stabilized somewhat.
Yours is first time, and people are going to be more focused on you for that reason alone. You will need to be sure to share your limelight with your sister by making it all family stuff. The rewards will be considerable. When it comes to actually raising children, families can do a lot to share the work and also the fun.
2006-12-05 04:52:06 · answer #3 · answered by auntb93again 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell her that everyone is just as happy for her as for you. If it seems like your getting more attention, tell her it's because you need more help since you've never done this before. Explain to her how lucky you feel that she is going through this too and you can look up to her and depend on her for advice since she has done this before. Just make her feel that she's special to you at this time because you feel more comfortable having her as a 'pregnancy buddy.' I have three sister's and if this happened to me, I know that I would feel bad for my older sister, but I would also feel that she is being kind of selfish since she probably got A LOT of attention when she had the first grandbaby. It really is your turn, but you love her so just try to comfort her by making her feel important as your support. Hope that helps, and CONGRATS! :D
2006-12-05 04:57:08 · answer #4 · answered by redzodd 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why does she need to make it a competition?
I know the second or third pregnancy is as exciting as the first , but.. you are family and are not trying to outdo her. Of course you would register because its your first and you don't have anything!
2006-12-05 04:41:38 · answer #5 · answered by Lily18 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know sisters are the best I love mine but you know what you shouldn't let her give you a guilt trip it's not your fault that things turned out this way, she's being selfish and she should know better I'm not saying that you should get mad at her or anything but just tell her you know what there is nothing I can do this is how it is and stop giving me a guilt trip let me enjoy my pregnancy she needs to snap out of it.
2006-12-05 04:40:24 · answer #6 · answered by calimexgirl!! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is selfish, this is your first pregnancy and everything is new to you. You only get to have that experience once. It doesn't mean that the family is not excited about her baby if they worry about your pregnancy a little more. Don't feel bad...enjoy.
2006-12-05 04:50:01 · answer #7 · answered by volcomgrly23 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Excuse me -- she wants to be REGISTERED for Baby Gifts and she already has TWO babies at home -- all under 3 yrs of age -- did she NOT keep the gifts that she got from her 1st Child? That is really sad, and ... downright greedy to be that jealous of someone on their FIRST Baby that she would demand to be registered for her 3rd.
2006-12-05 04:52:34 · answer #8 · answered by sglmom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's attention seeking. I'm not saying shes a bad person, it could be the hormonal changes making her unreasonable but she is being unreasonable. Enjoy your first pregnancy, you'll never get this chance again.
2006-12-05 04:39:50 · answer #9 · answered by Diet_smartie 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you don't do anything about it besides ignore your sister's feelings. Not to be harsh, but this time is just as special for you as it is for her. If not more special cause it's your first one. Just ignore her and proceed with your happiness
2006-12-05 04:38:30 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋