Well, I'm not proud but instead jealous. I love my wife very much. We have two boys ages 3 and 5. We have been married for about 6 years and together 15. I have recently come to Baghdad as a contractor for a year. I go home every 3 months for R&R. My first being the first week of February. This is my problem. Since I have left my wife has joined Myspace and found an old high school friend who is a man. I happened to know her log on ID and PW and regretfully snoop in her inbox. She is in constant contact with one of the male friends and they are trying to "hook up" as she put it. They do the little flirt thing like she said "when are we going to hook up?" and he replied "Hook up? In what way? :)". This makes me nervous. He is married but I don't put it past anybody. My wife is very good looking and I know how she gets when she drinks which is what she will do if they "hook up". Am I being over reactive here? I can't tell her I snoop on her. I'm think the worst. Help me!
2006-12-05 04:09:02 · 14 answers · asked by dougstain 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Since, you have a way of checking keep you mouth shut and keep checking. If she has been faithful all these years give her the benefit of the doubt. You just start treating her like you did when you were trying to win her to your side. You send the love notes , you send flowers for no reason, You tell her you miss her. You call her for no reason. Court her all over again. You miss her as much as she misses you. Don't give her the time to be lonely for another guy. Love her more now than ever before I bet she won't cheat. The old school buddy brings back memories of being young. You bring back memories of your own. On how you fell in love. Good luck. But keep your mouth shut and check . If she does cheat at least you will have proof and she won't be able to lie her way out and you will have given it your all.
2006-12-05 04:18:41 · answer #1 · answered by springer 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, most wives don't cheat while their husbands are working, but yours is on Myspace and that's kind of immature, anyway, so I don't know. Maybe she thinks you are having sex over there and she is justified. Maybe she is just using the chat on the computer for a release and wouldn't really hook up, but is having a fantasy. She is lonely, of course. You need to sit down with her and have a long talk the next time you are home on R&R. If I were a married man, I wouldn't go to Iraq unless I was ordered there by the Army to fight. It's not worth the money if your marriage fails, is it? That is the decision you have to make.
2006-12-05 12:24:56 · answer #2 · answered by Wiser1 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here's what you do. Buy yourself some time. Go on line with her ID and Password, and pretend to be her. Collect as much information about the guys as you can; when you're done with all that, tell everyone you're changing your ID. Then really change the ID (but not to the one you told everyone). After a few days, change the password and lock her out, altogether. At the same time, cut off her access to any credit cards you share with her. This is when you give her the phone call (or show up) and have a heart-to-heart.
This is not hard, you just have to time it right. Remember, and I don't think I only speak for myself, the ends do justify the means in this case. Your goal is to save your marriage after all.
2006-12-05 12:33:22 · answer #3 · answered by Lightbringer 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some people are naturally flirtatious but are harmless. But the fact that you are concerned makes it seem that you think she is capable of more. The easiet person for a married person to cheat with is another married person. If you guys were having problems before (fighting, unfulfilling sex life) then it probably will happen. BUT...there are people that might want to cheat because they feel neglected or whatever BUT....use their head instead of their hearts and think about the kids, marriage that they could lose.... She stayed with you this long and built a family with you...so maybe she's just lonely and flirting...maybe she would never flirt but this super flirtatious guy brought it out of her Good Luck!
2006-12-05 15:45:00 · answer #4 · answered by usafyin 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She might just have asked him "when are we going to hook up" meaning get together to go out or something. And he may have responded with "Hook up? In what way :)" hes probably just joking around, if he is married and if he knows your wife is married then there shouldn't be a problem. You should be able to trust your wife though and if your having second thoughts about whether they are planning to hook up in a different kind of way (sexually) then talk to her about it and just tell her u knew her pw and stuff and u were afraid she was going to cheat on you so u just wanted to make sure.
2006-12-05 12:14:03 · answer #5 · answered by kms010494 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there is really no point in worrying about it when your so far away and really cant do anything about it. i know that snooping on her is not very nice, but i guess that's your thing, and i know that you will keep doing it, so all i can say is if she does end up "hooking up" with this guy you will know, because I'm sure it will be written some where on her my space.if you tell her that you know about all of this now all she has to do is change her password and her user name, then your out of luck.but what i don't understand is how you got her id and PW to begin with? if she gave it to you then why on earth would she be writing things that you might see? so? how did you get her id and PW?
2006-12-05 12:20:35 · answer #6 · answered by here to help 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's difficult to predict another person's behavior but the signs are definitely there. Also, your snooping shows that the relationship already has some pretty deep trust issues, otherwise you wouldn't feel the need to secretly read her personal correspondence. When you come home in February, have a heart to heart. . .be honest and don't hold anything back. I wish you the best.
2006-12-05 12:13:11 · answer #7 · answered by wyllow 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Set up a fake myspace account, put some fake info into it, and then message her telling her that you know the other guy, that he has told you everything, and you're going to tell her husband. Then a day or two later, call her and ask her what this email you got in myspace was all about her cheating on you.
2006-12-05 12:24:28 · answer #8 · answered by Sean J 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hey man, you screwed up snooping. It will eat you up and will only cause problems with your wife.
Sit down and tell her that you were curious and casually looked and you seen the messages. Just tell her that you are sorry for snooping, and tell her to please forgive you for doing that and to give you some re-assurance she isn't or hasn't cheated.
Honesty is the best policy!
2006-12-05 12:20:12 · answer #9 · answered by Wondrin Dude 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would talk to her about it... not to mention the fact that you have been snooping ... but ask her if everything is ok between you and her... tell her that if it's not you are willing to do anything to help better the situation. be honest.. tell her your worried just because ... just don't telll her you been snooping that would piss any women off!
2006-12-05 12:21:40 · answer #10 · answered by yelenia0 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋