how do you hurt the one you love?

Question

i have been married for 5 years and have lived in an mentally , emotionally, and physically abusive life. i do not want my 2 children to see any more then what they have. i can almost feel myself ready to go. with are last fight or actually he fought me. i just let it happen. i know what i should do but it is so hard to do it. he left the house and took his stuff and i went to get aid and everything for me and the kids, only to have his whole family call me and tell me how wrong he was and that they are sorry. and he came in the house and i told him i didnt want him here but he wouldnt leave and said he would make an effort to stop . i feel he will not but i feel so guilty that it is hard to leave. i feel if i do then i messed everything up. and maybe this was the time he was going to change. he wont even talk to my family because they want to help me. he says they are working against our love and relationship. but it is all him. were do i get the strength to go? why do i feel guilty?

Answer 1

This is the pattern of a typical abuser. Fight and degrade you then apologize afterwards and swear that he'll change his ways. He will not. I've dealt with people involved with domestic abuse for the past 22 years and your situation isn't any different than ones I've experienced before. You feel guilty because he makes you feel that way.
my dear....make the move to end this relationship. The longer that you stay in it the tougher it will be to get out. Furthermore your self esteem and confidence will be eroded to the point that you'll feel you now have an obligation to him to stay. Don't fall into this trap...get out while there is still time.

Answer 2

Try marriage counseling. It however didnt work for me and my ex. He is now in another relationship beating on HER and showing HER kids his view of how a relationship should be. I have found a wonderful man who would NEVER abuse me or my children. There are still good guys out there! It took me 4 years to leave my ex. this is 4 years of walking on eggshells not to piss him off. 4 years of his drug abuse and most importantly 4 years of my son seeing that when you cant get your point across verbally you do it physically. My son now sees a shrink about HIS anger issues and he is only 7. Do what YOU think is right for you and your children. He needs help and if he dosnt seek it he will NOT change. YOU cant change a leppards spots.

Answer 3

i am not yet married but..im living in with my fiance now...though we dont have a kid yet....we are planning to get married soon...
its really common thing that is happening in marriage life between couple falling out and either one gives up...and the other one still fight to work things out...my partner is not a perfect guy...and based on what i have experienced in love...i think the best man u can have is the one who argue with you but never leave you no matter what...you can argue as long as you like to voice out all the hurt feelings u have deep inside...this things are only possible if you two are willing to listen...i always here this saying goes it always takes two to tango...as far as what i understand with the others they take it as themselves but for me...i think in marriage is u have to take it both ways...if you can stay while happiness is there then u have to stay if things is not in your way...it may be easy to say but it is the screaming reality in the whole face of the world.....couples dont stay much longer becoz they only stay in an easy way of life.....an lastly, give your brains a chance to decide and let yuor heart subside for a while...there aint nothing wrong in doing the right thing.....

Answer 4

he blames your family, everyone but himself, so he won't take any responsibility for his deeds. get a restraining order, don't take anymore calls from his family, don't allow anyone else to influence your decision, or say they are sorry because these kind of men never do change. no one but him is working on destroying your love for him. u need to be safe, and so do your children. with a man like that u never know when u will be beaten or terrorized, much less know why he is doing it. sometimes we just have to set out boundaries, and go with it, because life is way too short, to live with a man who beats u down. why you are staying and have stayed, is he has beat down your self worth for so long, u are really believing u deserved this. with him it's always that it is someone elses falt, never his. get out of there, and don't look back.

Answer 5

hi Onederful :) of those, 'Love Hurts' ~ Nazareth Others :~ 'Love Is' ~ Stevie Nicks 'Love is type of a River' ~ Stevie Nicks 'Love the only you're With' ~ Stephen Stills {or conceal with the aid of Joe Cocker}

Answer 6

He will never change and his family is encourage his behavior. You need to contact your family and get out of this relationships for you kids sake. The next time he might kill you.

Answer 7

i have first hand experience of what you are talking about.i want to leave too but am afraid of being alone with my children.i know i will have to though so i have made up my mind that as soon as i see my way clear i will,which wont be long from now.he wont change unless god himself intervenes.

Answer 8

well if i were you i would leave you know your husband is very abuse husband and he not going to change you are afraid of the unknow you need to leave him for your sake and your kids sake.

Answer 9

Think about your children future. They need real dad & mom.

Answer 10

i know how u feel i am going through the same thing