Ladies-why is it that.....?

Question

When women cook, clean, etc, it is just taken as "expected", but when our men do it, we have to pat them on the back and thank them profusely? Even when both partners work outside the home?
I mean, they usually don't thank us for doing the dishes, right? I am very thankful to have a man who helps alot, I just think it's kind of funny and wondered if anyone else had ever noticed this.

Answer 1

First of all I am not a lady...but saying thank you for help should be done by both partners.

Answer 2

Well men usually have things they are expected to do too - take out the garbage, mow the lawn, clean the cars, fix stuff etc. Nobody thanks me for those things, I just do them.
By the way I do nearly all of the cooking and probably 2/3 of the dishes, and the groceries. She does most of the laundry and house cleaning, except for the litter box.
But, if there is some TRULY nasty job (up in the 130 degree attic when the AC is busted, getting rid of a hornet's nest, moving something really big and heavy etc) it is ALWAYS my job.
Neither of us thank the other for specifics, but we make a point to once in a while tell each other how much we appreciate the other.

If, however, she mows the lawn (1-2 times a year) yes, I appreciate it and tell her so. If I clean the bathroom, she is amazed. It's when we move OUTSIDE of our normal household duties that we expect to be praised. If your husband does NOTHING for your home but you both work then yeah, he needs a kick in the butt not a pat on the back. But maybe take inventory of what he does in the house too? You might be surprised.

Answer 3

OMGosh! I know exactly what you mean! This used to drive me crazy. If I did the dishes or changed a diaper or took out the trash, mopped the floor or swept I did not expect a pat on the back or praise. When my husband did any of these things (cooked, clean, diapered a child) I learned he expected a pat on the back or a thank you, or praise. This used to infuriate me! I let him know how this seemed so unfair to me. I quit praising him.
Big mistake! He felt unappreciated and worse that no matter what he did he couldn't do anything right. He started helping out less.
Because I want to be a smart wife, I began praising him again. Not out of manipulation but because I want a better relationship. In other words, I don't want to sabotage the relationship. I believe his actions (cleaning, cooking etc.) are a way for him to show his love to me and the family. In not praising his efforts I was shutting him down. Just like I wanted to be appreciated he did too! We now both let each other know as much as possible that we appreciate the other's actions. Go ahead and praise him it really is a little and easy thing to do, but do let him know you deserve the praise too! hope you find my own experience helpful.

Answer 4

They were raised in a different era when the Dads went to work & the Moms stayed home & dealt with the house work. But as we know times have changed and most homes have parents that both work.
My hubby was the same way when we first moved in together...did not impress me AT ALL. But after watching his Mom I was able to clue in why her son thought it was ok to come home & do nothing. It was a cause of great debate in my home...until our son was born then I put my foot down.
We both made the child so we should both be equally responsible for him so since he was born (3 years ago) we take turns with the "chores". One night one of us will do dishes, clean, do 1 load of laundry etc while the other will bathe the child and cook. The next night we will swap...so it is completely fair.
It took alot of work but I swore that my child will never be like the men of today. He already loves to clean and help out so we will keep him doing this so someday it will be second nature to him. I'm sure his wife/girlfriend will thank us for it someday.

Answer 5

No matter who does the dishes, cooks, or cleans it is a thankless job. Its one of those things both of you are responsible for. You automatically say thank you because you appreciate the help. Most men on the other hand don't really think about it from that perspective. For a man he's probably thinking to himself that no matter what the house has to be cleaned by one of you and that is where it ends. They do appreciate all we do for them and they find other ways to say thank you. It isn't really all that different for them. They don't expect the "thank you" we just say it. They don't come right out and say thank you to us because they feel it had to be done by someone.

Answer 6

I'm not sure but I don't let my hubby help with any or the housework, I end up having to do it over again because he doesn't do it the way I would.

But as for the "it being women's work" is that's because that's how it used to be, the woman stayed home and was the wife and the mother then the cost of living went up and now it's necessary in most families for both partners to work.

All I can think of is if it bothers you talk to your hubby, let him know that his lack of appreciation, even though I'm sure he appreciates it, that if he showed it a little more that it'd be nice.

Answer 7

Yes, my husband is the same way. I work all day long cleaning houses and he stays home with our grandson. I have to come home clean, cook, and take care of my grandson. If he (my husband) was to wash dishes then he has done the impossible and I have to praise him till the cows come home. And then it will be a month before he does it again. I have gotten use to the fact that if you want something done you got to do it yourself.

Answer 8

Its the stereotypical life we have all grown up with. Its because from being children, we are taught at school about how men used to go out to put the bread ont he table for his family, while mummy stayed at home chained to the kitchen sink doing the household chores and looking after her children.
I personally think its awful that that is what children are taught., but thats the way it used to be. Bloody awful!

Answer 9

I too have a wonderful man in my life that help out around the house and with the kids...... Just wanted to say that I was on the other side of this too. my ex husband wanted to do nothing but lay on the couch when he came home. My neighbors husband called me a couple of weeks ago to see if his wife was up visiting that day. When I told him that she was not he wanted to know why he had to live out of laundry baskets!!! ROFL I told him to fold his own clothes if it bothered him. He didnt like it that much

Answer 10

Yes i agree with you totally i think men just have what i call that cave man mentality that would should do women things and men should do men things but if you have a husband that helps be thankful.