what should i do with my husband?

Question

Its a year since I am married. My husband & i loves each other very much. The only difference is that he drinks too much and can be miserable and embarrassing when he is drunk. When he is under this stuation I am usually lonely for long hours.I am a young wife studying very hard to make a beautiful life for me & my husband. I have no help from him, no motivation except financially. He got me really mad and i left home on sunday. I havent spoken to him since. He is still drinking. Should I go back home. Shoul I call?What should I do?Iam usually very tired and stressed out at the end of the day. I leave home at 5.30am and returns art 8.30pm.I have to do ALLLLL the chores plus study. But he just wont move a pin.I am stressed out with so much home work.Plus I am a working woman.

Answer 1

You married an alcoholic, and the problems are only going to get worse. Imagine the next twenty years living like you do now. Imagine how as he drinks more the abuse gets more serious. Imagine him as a role model for kids.

Love is not going to overcome that. He is not going to change unless he wants to change.

Answer 2

Being in your situation is so hard. I once dated a guy who drank too much and you were torn. Do I stay and try and help- or do I leave and make him drink even more? Our situations aren't the same because I was only dating him, and I had 2 children - so after a year I finally decided to leave but it took that entire year to build up the confidence. I knew that when I left he'd start drinking more and I had to get to a place where I couldn't blame myself for his choices.
You have to make one of two decisions. You can't do much for him right now - these are choices he's making- but here are your two options.
1. Stay - you either decide to stay and stick with him (as long as he doesn't start hurting you while he's drunk) and stand by him through the thick and thin.
or
2. Leave - you decide to leave and never look back.
You can't really balance between the two choices because that isn't in the best interest of either of you. It wouldn't be fair to you to yo-yo back and forth and it wouldn't be fair to him to not know if you're there or if you're not here.
I know this isn't an easy choice - but it's very black and white. Decide and stick with one.
Good luck to you....

Answer 3

What are you getting out of this relationship? Not much.

What is he getting out of this relationship? A lot. He has a wife taking care of the home and being available for sex. Plus, he gets to go out and get drunk whenever he wants with no consequences.

It sounds like your husband is an alcoholic, a raging alcoholic. You need to give him an ultimatum that he seek help or you will leave. Be prepared to leave. He will probably not admit that he has a problem and the truth is that until he admits he has a problem, nothing will change.

You should prepare yourself for the end of your marriage because it's going to happen sooner or later -- that is, if YOU have any self respect.

Answer 4

This is a very serious question Meerielee, and your description of the situation is pretty bad. It could be much, much worse later on if you do nothing. If you are strong enough to leave him, then do so, and soon. I am wondering what you told yourself about him while you were still dating? Maybe he tried to hide the drinking so you didn't realize how much of a problem it was. You can go to alanon, I did and it is more than you think. It is wonderful, but it is better to not need alanon yes? A martyr to a good cause is a wonderful thing, A one year marriage... to throw away many options for yourself, this is not so good.

Answer 5

The definition of 'love' and 'husband' seems to be confusing to you.
Love is a contract in the mind and heart, while marriage is a contract agreed to in the mind and recorded by law. The love contract covers caring and sharing. Consideration and support of one another.

A person who drinks to the point of stupor can be funny or dangerous...irritating, or at best, disgusting. Your wishing it were not so won't stop him. He must commit to stopping the drinking, or there won't be any end to your misery.

The problem with drinking is that it allows the drinker an oblivian (or blotting out) retreat. A place to go where reality can't touch his/her better judgement. Frequently it starts with friends and buddies getting together for laughs. But for some it grabs them pshchologically and chemically, and they can't stop on their own. All the wishing in the World...yours and his, won't start stop the cycle he's in. And it won't help you either.

Many have found their way back to the place called normal, and they become regular human beings again. Also, many have used the organization called: ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS (AA). AA, I believe welcomes all who want to try to kick the habit of drinking.

Ask your husband if he would be willing to start going to AA...the rule there is NO MORE DRINKING, because they know that even one drink will start the spiral down again. If he won't try to help himself, or doesn't think he needs help, you can do little but to leave him for your own life's sake. Do you want to bring children into this life you're living? Do you want to live alone (that's what you're doing in a sense) and support his alcoholism?

I personally made the mistake of living with an alcoholic for 10 years. Finally, after having 3 children and many, many tears, I divorced him. The children suffered and I suffered. He still curses me for leaving him. I didn't know about AA, but I don't think he would have gone. He didn't think he was doing anything wrong. I don't regret divorcing him. I found a man to love me and my children. He does not drink.

God helped me put my life back together. Pray for guidance and strength to do the best thing.

Answer 6

Do you think you think this is the guy you want to grow old with? How many more years of this will you want to take? That is your answer on whether you want to stay or end this relationship. He will only want to help himself when he wants to. It has to be a choice he makes as someone forcing him will not be as motivational. At this point, he is more in love with drinking then with you as he is making that the first priority.

Everyone should bring to an intended to be committed sane marriage: the ability to provide, desire to contribute emotionally and physically and recognition for one's action affecting the other.

Answer 7

Girlfriend, you married this man for better or for worse...Did you think he was going to change after you got married?

You need to sit him down and talk to him to see what the problem is for him to drink as much as he does....See if you can come to an agreement with him....If he doesn't want to stop and do not talk, then leave and stay away....

You're not to just up and leave him unless you have tried to help him in some way......

All you can do is talk to him and pray for that drunkness to go away......

My Blesssings....

Answer 8

Maybe you should take the initative and enroll him into AA meetings and go with him so he can see that you love him and want to support him with overcoming his illness. maybe then he will see the way he has been treating you. but tell him the only way you will come back home is if makes an effort to quit the drinking

Answer 9

If this is what you want for your life,stay with him.
If not, see if he will go to AA. If he can get sober and stay that way you have a chance. In general people do not change their ways. So, if you are young, maybe you should move on.

Answer 10

I consider its fundamental to appear at what retailer the receipt is from as good as what was once bought. It might supply you clues as as to whether he was once skipping paintings to do anything he shouldnt had been doing. If its anything natural, like groceries, possibly the time was once fallacious. Try and consider again to while he bought the object at the receipt. Perhaps its from a deliver retailer and he needed to choose anything up for his workplace? If that doesnt aid, I might name, or pass to the shop, and ask the cashiers if the time is most often correct and that i might enquire approximately the object that was once bought at the receipt. Once once more, if its anything minute, I wouldnt fear approximately. But certainly if its anything that he shouldnt had been shopping then you definitely must obviously carry it up.