how do i regain trust?

Question

I cheated on my boyfriend of 3 years and he gave me another chance. There were other incidences also and now the trust is pretty much gone. We are going to counseling and we are hoping to rebuild. How do I regain the trust of someone that I love so much but I have hurt so bad? I want this to work out and I am willing to do anything to be able to stay with him. I just need some advice on how to make him happy again.

Answer 1

actions speak louder than words, keep being honest and eventually you will regain trust although it will take a very long time

Answer 2

Fair question. I don't answer a ton of these but you appear in need of a few things to think about: Whether it is a marriage or a solid relationship there are some things that keep those together: Respect, Admiration, Passion, Trust, and a whole lot of other little things like pleasing each other, companionship, like interests, religion, politics and agreement on how to spend extra money and extra time,and how to raise children. The ones in capital letters, however are the blood and guts of relationships/marriage. You betrayed his trust, by sharing your body and soul with another...that really shatters the masculine ego.... (you have no idea -- few women do) And the other three are now at risk -- big time. You are lucky the guy did not vomit in your face, and walk away. It will be a minimum of two years before he will fully trust you again (maybe), and that is with counseling, hon. Betrayal is THE dealbreaker, absolutely and positively. And with trust gone, the others erode, sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly. He looks at you now thru different lenses than he did prior to this event. He may even tell you he forgives you but he can't really...the image of you with another man doesn't easily fade in betrayal.....
The first thing you both need to do, is to stay in counseling, and for yourself, find out what you were thinking to have entered into a betrayal. He has a lot to swallow to accept you as now a different person than who he thought you were. And, of course the old line, "once a cheater, always a cheater" is now grinding away in the back of his mind whether he is aware of it or not. He can't ever forget this event, and neither will you...it will always be there, hopefully becoming smaller and smaller as your years together progress...... And some relationships become stronger, because the betrayer must be perfect beyond what was there before. Hon, there is no single thing you can do to win back his trust. It will evolve with counseling and time, or it will not. I wish you well.
Helpful? If you have specific questions, write me.

Answer 3

You need to examine what you are looking for in these other relationships. I once cheated on a boyfriend. For me, it was about feeling accepted and wanted. I wanted the other guy to fill that void for me.

Until you learn to find peace with you, you will turn to others for this need. You will continue to cheat.

If you love your boyfriend, then get some counseling.

Answer 4

You have to give him every reason to trust you. You have to refrain from flirting with men in person, online, or via any means whatsoever. You need to pay him attention, lots of it. You need to address head on and openly the reasons why you strayed to begin with-- this is critical since you say you cheated more than once. Since you are a serial cheater, perhaps you also need individual help.

And remember that you are very lucky to have him forgive you. I would not have.

Answer 5

i am speaking from the heart and i know how hard it is to do but you have to look at your self and find out why you cheated in the first place and see if you can talk to him about it and see if he will do what you want him to do.........their is always something going on for someone to cheat it is because you are not getting something from that person so figure it out and go from their and try to work on not doing it again.........And if you see that it is fixing to happen then you need to stop and think about it first and think how it makes you feel and how it will make him feel and if you can't do that then leave the poor man alone and let him find someone who will be true to him.......But find out what the reason is for you cheating ..........

Answer 6

Try asking this in Singles and Dating....but as long as you are here, trust is something you have to earn. Once earned you have to treasure it, once destroyed...its twice as hard to earn back and will never be the "blind trust" that you knew before

Answer 7

time
that is how you build it
just give it time.
and be GOOD