Homophobic???

Question

Hello everyone! I am a 34 yr old straight female and I have read many questions and answers in all categories. I am a very curious person and consider myself very open minded. I do not understand (maybe understand but not condone) gaybashing, prejudice, bigotry, racism, etc. Like anyone it easy to form an opinion without knowledge and I prefer to be informed. How can people get on Yahoo Q&A and spout some of the crap that they do? I have read many responses on the GLBT section and think that most have no choice in gendered preference. My question is (for the sake of knowledge) if you were not *born* homosexual and it was a preference, why did you choose it, were you abused growing up, if so do you feel that is why you chose the same sex? I of course understand attraction and chemistry which all loving relationships have to have, but there is also the sexual part of any relationship. It seems to me that men's and women's bodies were naturally meant to mesh together.

If ignorance is not having knowledge, then yes I am ignorant about these matters. It's easy to get on the internet or pick up a book and do research, but I thought one of the main points of this Q&A was to get the personal aspect and opinions as well. I don't think there is anything wrong with being ignorant about a subject as long as your seeking knowledge with an open mind. I don't think there is any homophobia lurking in my question either, just a little ignorance, lol. It's stupidity you need to look out for!!!

Answer 1

It's nice to answer a question for someone who takes the question seriously. But it is somewhat impossible to answer your question because the conditions you asked it aren't really true. I will try my best to explain.

The first part of your question that you have to remember, is that even though a person might not be born gay, he or she still didn't choose it necessarily. I dated a guy who I don't think was pre-determined to be gay, and who was raped by an older male cousin when he was younger. While he had strong feelings toward me, he had a difficult time showing it. I don't think he chose to be attracted to me, even though his sexual identity could have been skewed by his previous experience. It was just an accidental mental alteration for him, like when people get hurt in accidents and break a bone. Its not like he chose to break the bone-an outside force did it, and its going to take some time to heal. And even once it does heal, you never know if it will work exactly the same again, or if you will feel some aches and pains when the weather is humid.

Secondly, you also have to be careful with how you define 'natural.' Natural is anything that occurs in nature without an independent variable. Homosexuality occurs in MANY animals, including those considered closest in genetic similarities such as dophins and pigs. The penguins at the Zoo in NYC is another example. So same sex attraction really is as natural as opposite sex attraction as defined by what occurs in nature. While mens and women's anatomy are made to go together in terms of reproduction, that doesn't mean they go together in terms of fulfilling the sexual side of a relationship or what arouses the person in question.

You are definitly on the right track to understanding though! Thanks for the great question.

Answer 2

I'm pretty sure I was born to be gay. I was never abused growing up, nor did I ever make a decision to be attracted to other men.

Being gay is not a choice; indeed, more and more research is revealing the influence of biological factors (e.g., genetics, hormones, neuroanatomy) over sexual orientation. It is a natural variation of the human sexual response. It is not a personality disorder, and it is not something that can be "cured."

Moreover, being gay is not a "preference." Liking vanilla ice cream more than chocolate ice cream is a preference. To assume it's just a "preference" like any other trivializes how we feel. We gay people are sexually attracted to, and fall in love with, others of our own gender. Our feelings in this regard are no less valid or legitimate than yours.

A man having sex with a man won't produce any offspring (thank God, do we *really* need more people on this planet?), but it still feels really good, emotionally and physically! Such an attraction can hardly be "unnatural" when you consider that same-sex pairing has been observed in over 1,500 species.

If I made a choice anywhere in my development as a gay man, it was to accept myself for being gay, and to "come out" as such to the people in my life. Some people choose to stay in hiding, and choose to remain ashamed.

Answer 3

We all need opinions and in America, we hold high the fact that you are able to voice your opinions. There is however a difference between voicing an opinion and being cruel.

If you like country music are you going to openly pick on someone who likes rap? No, because you are mature, if they want to listen to it, let them listen to it. If you like vanilla and the person who likes chocolate asks you why you don't like chocolate would you get upset with them? No, it's what they like.

As corny as those comparissons were they make sence if you think about. Every gets all bent out of shape when gays ask "why do you have a problem with us". No one, at least not me, will forcefully push an isssue on someone. Wouldn't want it done to me, not going to do it to anyone else.

I'm bi, jr. high is when I noticed that I would be looking at girls not just for the cute skirt but ho wthey looked in the cute skirt lol. I was not abused and my parents have given me love all through my life. I didn't jump on the bi bandwagon nor am I promiscuous. I am a loyal partner, a good person, and I just happen to be physically attracted to both sexes. I feel, a lot, that I don't fit in anything, too gay to be straight, too straight to be gay. I've lost friends and never had the opportunity to make some because I'm bisexual. I didn't choose to live a life where I was the outsider. But I will not lie about what I am and I will not change who I am to make others more comfortable. There is so much hate in the world stupid things like race and sexual prefernce shouldn't matter.

The conclusion I've come to is it is just an opinion. That is that. Whether it was how you were raised, your religous beliefs, or is you just think it's odd seeing two people of the same gender being romantic with one another. A lot of people would think nothing of it if a straight couple sitting on a park bench were cuddling but if two gay guys do it they are throwing "gay" in everyone's face.

Personally, I think being a homophobe is one of the most useless things to be. You don't accomplish anything and people feelings get hurt in the process. There are so many things your time and energy can be put into than spewing hate at people you don't agree with. If the cronic bashers on here donated thier time to shelters instead of going on YA just to try and get a rise out of people I'm sure they'd feel better about themselves in the long run.

Everyone just has to agree to disagree and let it be that. Opposing opinions are what make life interesting. It would be real boring if everyone had the same taste in music, art, ect. There's a line that gets crossed where opinion turns to hate and emotions get involved. If you can have a discussion, with opposing opinions, and keep your emotions in check, there will never be a problem.

**Don't listen to people ragging on you for being ignorant. I can tell that there is no cruelty in your question, you just needed to be explained to a little that's all. I'm actually really happy you cared enough to try and understand :)**

Answer 4

Wow! I appreciate the fact that you read enough postings to get both sides of the story, this shows that you are really open minded and curious.

I wouldn't know much about sexual preferences, but I have yet to meet a gay person who just haphazardly chooses to be gay. Maybe what you mean is that they chose to live the gay lifestyle, as opposed to hiding in the closet, but as to just waking up one day and choosing to be gay, I don't think anybody does this unless they just want to be "different." Who wants to have raised eyebrows follow them everywhere they go? (I could be wrong though)

What I see, and experience, is that people's sexual orientations are not a choice on their part, but choosing to embrace, or supress it, is the aspect where they have a choice.

Answer 5

Sorry, dear, your whole premise is based on a single piece of faulty logic. And then you top it off with your final sentence, which negates your "good intent."

People are born LGBT. The people I have spoken with who have been abused as children (or adults) tend to be asexual, not LGBT. People do not "become" LGBT just as they do not suddenly "become" straight due to a bad experience.

God makes ALL people - gay, straight, and those in-betweem - exactly as they are. Who are you to say what is "natural"? Who are you to disparage any of God's children?

Thanks, though, for your statements against the more obviously bigoted jerks who come to this section. They need to turn to the path of tolerance, justice and peace. I wonder how many years they will spend alone before they realize that "hate is not a family value."

Answer 6

Sorry hun, but your paragraph screams ignorance. If you truly quest to be knowledgeable in many areas, then you will have to do your research out side of this forum. Try a simple Google search.

Imagine yourself growing up gay. For me I was named called "*******" and gay on the playground... probably because I played with the girls, 2-square, 4-square, jacks, Chinese jacks, and jump-rope... mainly girl stuff. Resisting this I didn't understand what this was all about; I didn't even know what sex was at that age. All through out my life before I accepted myself as gay, people already knew I was. As I went through puberty, I started to notice guy’s arms in the hallways at school. At 16, after my first sexual experience with a guy, I tried to "cure" myself with Christian Science (my childhood religion). 'Till the age of 21, I went through this loop of "sinning", guilt, rebuke, repent” over and over again until I realized finally that this must be a normal and natural part of who I was. It's was something that came from within me. The "Choice" comes from being who you are and not trying to cover up any part yourself for whatever reason.

As you can see, there was something very natural about the way being gay unfolds in a person's life. It doesn’t happen over night. The gay individual has to become self accepting despite his world telling them that he is not OK. What a chore...

Here are a couple of things that feed my brain about being gay:

Personally I like the thereory that I read in the book "Brain Sex" a book and series on PBS, which says that our brains are all pre-wired in the womb. As fetuses, were are susceptible to temperature which causes fluxuations in the hormones, mainly testosterone. People fall in between the extreme of masculine / feminine based on the chemicals swimming around our mother while she is pregnant. http://www.amazon.com/Brain-Sex-Difference-Between-Women/dp/0385311834


There is a spiritual approach... Trying to explain myself for 10 years now and figure myself out, I really believe I was born this way because 1.) My spirit is female. 2.) I was a female in my most recent past life, thus still holding on to what I had as a pampered southern bell in the late 1800's. 3.) I chose to come to this Earth-School to learn and teach tolerance in the form of GLBT, and heck, HIV! Everyone learns varying degrees of tolerance when dealing with these issues, whether you are the gay one or not. The Ideas presented here from my spirituality is based on reading Sylvia Browne. http://novus.org/home/index.cfm

Yes, there is a hint of homophobia in your words. If you are the person you say you are about education, hopefully your words will change!!

Much Love and respect,
Gregory May

Answer 7

Trolls post the outrageous crap they do because they're immature, insecure, and crave attention. They get away with it because Q&A is poorly monitored, and it is utterly simple to keep creating new IDs after being deleted. The superstitious simpletons post here because their cult dogma demands it.

Answer 8

Some people have just always had the attraction for the same sex.... my friend did when he was younger and he tried to deny it all his life but he has finally came out and i asked him when he knew he was gay and he said he knew it from when he was younger.... i don't think anyone has control over their sexuality... you are either gay, straight, or bi.... it all depends on how far you are willing to go...

Answer 9

I do not know anyone who would choose this do you?

Homophobia means intolerance or fear of homosexuals.

Answer 10

2 guys can "mesh", its just backwards. lol