A little background..... I left my husband in 2002 due to an abusive relationship. Now in 2006 my son is 7 almost 8 years old. We have joint custody (against my better judgement) and he has been ordered to pay 69.00 a week in childsupport when that is NO WHERE near the 17% he is suppose to be paying( he is hiding income). Along with the child support he is responsible for 70% of all unpaid medical needs for our son. Recently our son has been complaining about his eyesight. His eyes hurt, eyesight is blurry and he has been having headaches. With his medicade there is only one eye doctor in the area that accepts his insurance and sees children but they cant get him in for over 2 weeks. I called Walmart vision and have an appointent for him today at 4:30. His exam is all of $40.00. His father's 70% equils out to $28.00 and his is refusing to pay it because I didnt take him to a medicade doctor. I am getting irritated with all the excuses. He only takes him when its convient. HELP!
2006-12-05 02:31:20 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He is suppose to have him every other weekend for visitation. He always has him back late. My son fights to go there. He says the house is dirty and he dosnt want to go because his dad is never there... he is always stuck with the sitter or the new girlfriend. I have taken him to court for sole custody and supervised visitation but he has a slick lawyer. My son has been telling me about how his dad and the new girlfriend always fight and how it even gets physical. I really dont want my son growing up thinking thats how relationships are...thats why I left his dad in the first place. As far as the courts they dont see a problem.
2006-12-05 02:35:30 · update #1
I know that this is two complaints in one...but its the all around picture of a irresponsible father that dosnt give 2 cents about his child. It truely gives dads that try a bad name. its infurriating that he gets away with it!
2006-12-05 02:49:37 · update #2
For the record I never said that he "became irresponsible after the birth" However I will take the blame of being a nieve 18 year old that thought the sun rose on his sholders
2006-12-05 02:57:10 · update #3
Well "he" just called and said that he will call me later to tell me when he can cover the $28.00. He then started yelling about how waiting till the doctor (that is covered by his insurance ) can see him wont make him go blind. He then asked how much the glasses were going to cost. I told him I didnt know. He started on how this was going to take $ away from him and his girlfriend and HER kids. I told him that if it was too much of a problem that I will cover it by myself without his help and he said for me to do what I had to and hung up. AHHHHH I wanna strangle his dumb ***.
2006-12-05 03:28:58 · update #4
Just bite the bullet......give up the fight and just do what is right by your son. Your are fighting a losing battle with this man. I was once in your shoes also and just had to dig a little deeper in my pockets and the pockets were not very deep. You will be wasting so much time and energy fighting a money battle with him that you could possibly lose focus on the bigger picture. We have been divorced for almost 12 years and my children know who the bigger person is and that is all that is important to me. They know the sacrifices I have made for them. You don't have to tell them they will determine that themselves.
It has never been easy but it has been rewarding. My children see that I will always be there for them, emotionally, physically, and yes, financially. They see the way their father is without me adding my two cents. Single moms are not helpless, we are tough, and that is the real impression you will want to leave upon your son. So pull yourself up and let your ex see you can do this with or without him. Good Luck!
2006-12-05 02:46:51 · answer #1 · answered by stacey h 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Okay, a couple of things that probably should be cleared up.
First off, are you saying his Medicaid, or his medical insurance? Usually when there is an order for child support, there is also an order about health insurance as well. In any event, you can pay those bills, then bring them to child support and have them tacked on to the arrears. They will not disappear and they will be added to the life of the debt.
As far as hidden income, you have a few options. If you really believe that he is hiding income you might think about a private investigator. Google this on the web. The bad part of this is that you have to share some of the income but if it is substantial, you may consider it. If the hiding is deliberate, the judge sometimes can set the child support amount to go back in time.
What I would say is to talk to a lawyer about modifying the child custody arrangement. Check social services to see if they have pro bono or reduced cost attorneys there. A social worker will be the best person to talk to about these conditions. If he's being taken over to an abusive (and possibly physically health-threatening environment) that needs to stop.
2006-12-05 23:12:45 · answer #2 · answered by John F 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your ex sounds like mine as far as being convient. There is only one problem your ex is missing the point to. It's his son, not his ex-wife. At least you got him some type of medical solution. If there is a more serious problem with his eye exam, then they should be able to tell you and advise or recommend some other kind of treatment. You have made the right choice. Good for you. Don't stay focused on the negatives coming from your ex, stay focused on your God given son. He needs you. Also, if he doesn't enjoy going there, let your ex decide on how he might want to change his lifestyle to earn the right to have a son. Allow your son to stay with you as much as possible. Make your ex be responsible. If there is drugs and such things as this going on in his house, then what kind of mom would allow this to continue on? Think about the consequences for your son. Which I'm sure you already have. You can do something about it!!!!! Study your resources. Pray, pray, pray. Reach out to those who can give you positive responses. Call a pastor. Call on someone who is of good faith and stay with your instincts. Never assume your son is in good hands. Protect him. Put him first.
2006-12-05 10:57:29 · answer #3 · answered by blossom 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have totally been in your place.
How can you get him to be responsible. I hate to say this, but you CAN'T.
My ex was ordered to keep medical insurance on my daughter. He did, but the checks for the Dr's were always sent to his house. His wife would cash them and because of this I have THOUSANDS of dollars in unpaid bills on my credit report.
My advice is this:
Accept that this person will be of little assistance to you and your son. Accept that you are the good parent and you are the one who will make sure your son is ok. Expect NOTHING from your ex. If he helps out then GREAT, be surprised, don't expect it.
Now, I know that this is unfair. I am just speaking from 20 years of experience in this area. Trying to make someone else be the person they never were is just an exercise in frustration. I know he is WRONG, and if you need validation, HERE IT IS. He is totally, 100% WRONG.
Once you accept it, you can be at peace. There is no pricetag for peace.
2006-12-05 10:58:04 · answer #4 · answered by Jennifer D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take him to the dr. and pay the bill yourself if possible. Then take his *** back to court. He's braking a court order. But if he's hiding money well you might not get anything out of it. Depending what state/country you live in, you might apply for a medical card. And you could still see most dr. in your area. It's based off income.
2006-12-05 10:37:58 · answer #5 · answered by Mackie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One has nothing to do with the other!
As far as eyesight, he should pay and not expect to weasel out by trying to make the government responsible for his child!
Keep a record of all these issues as they come in very handy when it is your word against his!
2006-12-05 10:37:04 · answer #6 · answered by cantcu 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don’t depend on him, don’t think that you need him. And I believe that your son is in a good age to learn to depend on himself, teach him that, and he shouldn’t feel so terrible about his own father not taking care of him, he will even most probably feel stronger and more confident.
Believe it or not most of the strong people I know have had it hard while growing up
2006-12-05 10:39:32 · answer #7 · answered by mars 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I always find in interesting how men become IRRESPONSIBLE after the birth of a child. Couldn't you see this beforte the child was born. That being said your child is the most important person in this situstion. Take him to a OPTOMETRIST AND SEE TO IT THAT YOUR SON GETS THE BEST CARE.
2006-12-05 10:53:44 · answer #8 · answered by Monty L 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋