I've written here before, but something transpired since. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost 6 years. He went away on a business trip and came back just to tell me that he no longer had feelings for me. I sensed right away there is somebody else and last night he basically admitted it. He has a fling with somebody in a foreign country right now - which resulted in sex, I'm pretty sure, and this overwhelming passion. He is all about her now, constantly text messaging her, writing to her, maybe calling too. I'm not staying home now, I moved out for a little bit. He is totally blind and deaf to me now. Though he tells me he is not ready to break up with me and wants to wait for his feelings to come back as we've always had a great realtionship. And he sees a future with us, and isn't sure if there's a future with her since they are from different cultures and countries. I think he's just sitting on 2 chairs. He doesn't need me in his life, I feel it.
2006-12-05 01:46:04 · 14 answers · asked by moonylola 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I'm not sure I'm ready to move on yet since I have feelings for him and still love him. But I have to have the respect for myself and get up and go on with life. I am sure this fling will be over in a couple of months (a lot of us go through that) and it holds no future for him. I'm just not sure I need someone like that even after 6 years together - I know I'm a great girl and deserve to be loved. And one more thing - I think it is worth fighting for someone, but don't see the point of fighting against someone when all we have is the great past and no present, and she occupies all his thoughts. How will he get me back if he doesn't have me anywhere around him in his mind and heart? It's all about her now.
Am I right in letting it go, just leaving his life and learning how I can make myself happy again? Or is it worth waiting for him to snap out of his fling?
2006-12-05 01:50:45 · update #1
We both moved to the USA from Europe 2.5 years ago.
2006-12-05 02:03:21 · update #2
A clear case of having his cake and eating it too. No, you should not wait for him to get over his fling. It's pretty obvious from your detailed question that the only thing holding him back from being with this other person is distance. He doesn't want to break it off with you because it may not work out with the other person and you are the "fall back". 6 years is a long time, I know, and I understand that people make mistakes (like cheating) - but this clearly not just a matter of his being unfaithful - he's carrying on a relationship with her in front of you! You need to walk away from him and stop all contact. Don't give HIM a choice, have some control over your life. One of two things will happen, he'll either miss you and realize that he ruined a great thing for an infatuation or he'll find his way to her some how. Don't be the doormat - this is where you have to draw the line, make a stand, for YOU, not for him.
2006-12-05 02:05:02 · answer #1 · answered by Lori E 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear, dear girl, you do not deserve to be treated so badly. The sad thing is, if he's capable of doing this to you once, he'll probably do it again. In fact, it is so common that it's called "the seven-year itch". That refers to something that's been known for untold centuries - that men who enter into exclusive relationships manage, on average, only seven years before they begin to stray, mentally at least and often physically as well.
Did he ever love you completely? Oh, in all probability, yes. He may have meant, at the time, never to stray - but he did. It changes the whole dynamic of the relationship. That he cannot stop obsessing over this female is indicative of what's going to be hard for you to accept: that he simply is not trustworthy. He will encounter other exceptionally attractive women and he likely will stray again. And you do not deserve such abuse.
You already know what you need to do. It will hurt - indeed, it will hurt a lot - but it will save you countless hours of sorrow later on. Leave him, and don't leave the possibility of reconciliation open. There are decent, faithful men out there who badly need a decent, faithful woman. Look carefully, but look you must: you will find such a man. And you and this new man will love yourselves into a happy and contented old age together.
2006-12-05 02:06:42 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl, please!!! STOP! He had a fling. He told you that he no longer has feelings for you. He is "totally blind and deaf" to you now. MOVE ON!!! This man is screwing with your head and heart because he can, and the pathetic thing is that you are letting him do it to you. He's not even remotely worth your time, energy, or attention. Just walk away and don't look back. Kick him in the balls first for being such an insensitive putz, if it will make you feel any better. Get over him and get on with your life. And once you walk away, cut off all contact with this loser. You deserve better, you are worth more, and you deserve to have happiness in your life and peace of mind. Move on! NOW!!!
2006-12-05 02:03:07 · answer #3 · answered by badkitty1969 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You already know the answer to your own question. You are worth more than that to just sit and wait on him to finish jerking your feelings around. If he loved you so much then the fling never should've happened. I am happy you moved out but it needs to be permanently. You need time to get back to yourself and doing the things that you might have missed in the past 6 years. Being single isn't all that bad. Move on before you become more miserable.
2006-12-05 01:51:19 · answer #4 · answered by ikkinaw 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He wants to have his cake and eat it too. He wants to get her out of his system and maybe feeling for you will be revived? If that's what you want to do. Wait until he gets her out of his system and hope that he doesn't find another person to get in his system and a year or two?
Why don't you start enjoying what single life has to offer you. Start dating etc. Maybe then he will know what your going through and not want to continue and an overseas relationship. Maybe then he will think twice about sex with other people because he came close to losing you once and he doesn't want to risk it again.
Maybe you might just find that you enjoy dating and you find someone that you really really like and you can see a better future with.
2006-12-05 01:54:14 · answer #5 · answered by wondermom 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can't believe you are asking this question....Where is your self respect? Do you have such a low self worth? Honey, this man has just given you the ULTIMATE form of disrespect. If you allow this man to treat you like this, he will continue to do so. Grab your crap, and move on down the line....I would much rather be ALONE than be with a person like him.....Please wise up! He threw away your 6 years for a piece of @$$......He is not ready to break up with you? Oh come on now....surely you can't be serious! You say he doesn't need you in his life....You are right! He doesn't need you...why on earth would you want to be with a person who treats you like this???
2006-12-05 01:52:16 · answer #6 · answered by favrd1 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You 2 have nothing together. He's a cheater and once a cheater, always a cheater. You need some self-esteem honey -- don't ever let anyone treat you like a door mat. Move on and never look back! You deserve better.
2006-12-05 01:51:48 · answer #7 · answered by kja63 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't be stuck n stupid. He just want you there for a back up if things don't work out with this other women. Show him that your bigger then he is. Get on with your life and forget about him. Just chalk it up as a 6 year experience. My friend is gong threw the same thing. If you need to IM me and i will give you her ID so we can all chat.
2006-12-05 02:04:01 · answer #8 · answered by michigan_redneck_lover 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you willing to be second best and second choice? Is that what you feel you deserve? How long have you been putting up with this? Leave his sorry *** for good. Do yourself a favor and go and find a man. Not some boy who wants to play games, with your mind and emotions. Wash your hands of him.
2006-12-05 01:53:16 · answer #9 · answered by bellbottombleus 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He does have feeling for u but he wants his cake and eat it too. He is still dealing with that woman because he doesnt know where those encounters is going to take him so he is keeping u on the back burner just in case it doesnt work out for them. Life is too short to just wait. What if he doesnt come back to u? Go on with your life and if it is meant to be then it will.good luck
2006-12-05 01:52:54 · answer #10 · answered by Queenleo21 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋