What do you do If your being taken for granted?

Question

My husband forgets to kiss me when he leaves for work, He hardly pays any attention to me anymore, I'm not an ugly women either. And lately he hasn't been talking to me in a nice way. I have to start sex, he doesn't. What is going on here!? Have I done something? What can I do to get some attention? And why does he talk down to me? I know hes not cheating, so it isn't that! I'm sooo confused, someone please help!

For the guy who thinks I'm looking online, that was my brothers question I am on his computer!

Answer 1

This is where problems left undiscussed become divorces.

You need to find a time when you can sit him down and talk to him.

Ask him for a time when you can talk about something serious (But be prepared for him to say "here and now", don't let him say that and not be in the mood to talk - Catching him on the way to work is a good one as he will have to go anyway and you can almost "book an appointment" with him. This will mean that when you do sit down and talk about your problems he'll be in the frame of mind that he'll want to resolve the issues)

When you sit down, make sure you know what you want to say and decide that if he doesn't come up with answers - or doesn't put effort into finding a solution to make you happy, then the marriage is really not working.

Answer 2

Ugly or nice looking has nothing to do or not do with anything. All good people deserve love. (sorry, my dream for the world is to stop judging how others look, but that's an aside here). When your husband does something you object to, point it out right away or you will just have a silly fight about "you ignore me" "no I dont". So when he leaves, just gently remind him "Kiss?" with a bit of humor so it isn't an issue. (and dont criticize when he does it if itsn't a good kiss) When he talks down to you, point out in a statement "the way you said that made me feel put down". By telling him how it affects your feelings, you are not being accusatory, because your feelings are not right or wrong. Do you know what an 'I' statement is? It is a communication tool to let someone else know how something they said or did affected you. "When you (state what the person said or did), I feel (what you feel), because (why)" For example, when you don't call if you are late, I feel worried because I am afraid something happened to you. Also, choose a time when you are both relaxed and tell him you wish to talk about some things that are bothering you. Maybe something is wrong that he hasn't told you. Maybe he is worried or depressed about something. Or ask him to pick a time when you can talk. (that way he can't just keep avoiding it). And if flaggr is right, you won't fix this relationship. Adding an outside person into a relationship is always a disaster. You are married, which is a committment you made to each other - you should honor that, and try to make it work, until it is unworkable and then be fair, and tell the other person its over. cheating physically or on line is nasty.

Answer 3

This is, I guess the "legitimate" reason that leads to women cheating. If the tables were turned and a man cheated then the world would come pouring on him. All I can say is that there might be some other issues he is internalizing. Have you tried "reaching" out to him w/out ripping him apart? Maybe you need to ask him "eye-to-eye" what's going on. If you don't do this then the only thing that will happen is you will find this "attention" elsewhere. Before that happens, I suggest you get a divorce

Answer 4

Have you tried asking him what's up? Has he got work issues that are leaking into your private life? Has there been a big change in your lives recently (like a baby, a house move, a death, a job change)? Do you have kids? Is everything okay with them? Do you think he feels appreciated? Is he the main breadwinner - is he feeling uncared for?

Talk to him - it's really the only way to find out. But be prepared for a lot of diversion before you find out the real cause and try not to get too mad at him for all the crap he will inevitably spout before you get there.

Answer 5

i am in the same situation but what i do is talk to him about what is going on and ask a lot of questions and if i don't think i am being heard then i stop and leave him alone for a little while and try again later and we end up talking about things that do hurt but i am in it for a life time so i work hard at my marriage and we have been together for 16teen years and i am still trying to keep it going........

Answer 6

Hi dear, I'm so sorry that you feel that way, why don't you talk to him about how you feel, be careful don't accuse him of any thing and if he gets nervous, you keep being calm and comfort him, maybe he has a problem " any kind ", maybe he's stressed because of the life style, maybe he has a health problem.
Just ask him, be passioned with him as long as you love him and he loves you.
Try to be above your needs and contain his, believe me he will feel it as long as he loves you.
Make him feel that you really care about him more than your self,
what i told you is my personal experience, i hope it works for you
And try to fix him a meal which he likes
Good luck

Answer 7

Sounds like he is bored or you have been married too long or he has other things on his mind...

Sounds like the perfect time for a heart to heart and find out what it is that is bugging him...

Maybe if there is some boredom, then you should find out what he wants to do to change things... A little more sexual excitement - bondage, group sex, other fantasy stuff...

Of maybe you need to find someone to make you feel better about yourself... Either in real life or online... ;)

Answer 8

I think something else is bothering him and your only way of finding out is by confronting him. That entire paragraph of questions need to directed to your husband. You have got to find someway to get through to him and find out what problem is beneath the surface. I'm almost sure something else is wrong. Confront him immediately, but don't attack him.

Answer 9

Arte you the same person who is asked about dating sites and being recently single? If so, don't you suppose that, that behavior
might make him a bit put off? A wandering eye of worse wandering body tends to make him think less of you, doncha think?

Answer 10

Is he distracted for some reason, work, family, kids? You should start ignoring him and he'll come around wondering why you're not paying attention to him anymore.