I handled it quite well, for I was in total shock. My daughter and I have discussed many times sex, drugs, etc. Her boyfriend and her have been dating for three years. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY OR DO!!!! Abortion is out of the question! I feel like I failed somewhere as a FATHER - yep, her father. Of course, I had "great plans" lined up for her - school, college, etc. I feel as if I have been betrayed and have lost all trust in her. Please advise. I love her dearly and I'm certain I'm not ready for my little girl to be a mother!
More info: Im not certain, but I was told once that her boyfriend hit her. Of course, she denied it, and so did he. She did admit that he pushed her once. I know she loves this boy (who graduates from high school this year and has no plans of going to college). Her mother acts as if "oh well, what's done is done." I'm sorry I don't have the same attitude as her mother (we are divorced - 10 years now - but live next door to one another). HELP!
2006-12-05 00:47:49 · 32 answers · asked by sammycoleman1964 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
Sammy~ I understand why you feel this way. This is your BABY girl. The last thing you want her to do is have a child this early in the game. First before anything- YOU DID NOT fail her. You gave her the morals, and tools to have a great life. She chose to have sex, and now she is pregnant and that is not going to change. So where do you go from here? Well, make sure that she gets the help she needs. Make sure she makes it to her dr appts, and has a healthy pregnancy. As far as what she does with the child after it is born is up to her. If she feels like she can handle it, then help her. Dont become a crutch for her.. make her work, but be sure to be there when she needs you. I know that she has burst your dreams for her. All parents have the same dream for their child. College, great job, falls in love, gets married, has a baby. We all wish for the same thing. But her life has taken a different route. Not that college isnt an option. Make sure that you instill in her that college isnt lost! She can still do it! Education is too important in the day and time. Your ex is right, what is done is done.. there is nothing that can change this. EVERYONE is already changed.. you cant go back.... she is preg, so now you can only look forward to what lies ahead. My advice is to help her, take her to dr appts. Let her spread her wings.. she is going to be a mother.. I know it isnt going to be easy.. but it is going to happen no matter how much you dont like it. As far as the boy goes.. you will be able to tell what kind of a person he is. Does he help? does he work? Does he even STAY? I would have a talk with him and tell him.. you are a father now.. and you are expected to do somethings.. and tell him what you expect of him. I understand the betrayal part.. she didnt use the tools that you instilled in her! She is such a great girl.. how could this happen? Well, you didnt do all that your mom and dad taught you, no kid does.. Talk to your daughter about how you feel... she will be more open to what you have to say.. AND she now knows that the morals you have instilled in her are the best way to go... Be there for her.. and love her.. she needs you now! Good Luck!
2006-12-05 01:18:24 · answer #1 · answered by WestWife 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Look you can raise them but you dont have total control over a child this age. All you can do is help her to still achieve her goals. Maybe you need to see if her goals are the same as your goals for her. Fathers often dont realize that their children dont want the same things in life as what Dad wants for them. Just having a child doesnt ruin her life what she does after does. If she has the child and doesnt do anything more then she will have problems. Encourage her to still go to college she can be done by the time this child goes to school full time. She didnt betray you!She' s a young girl who thought (still does probably) she was in love. Now since you have no reason to trust this boy and think there may have been some violence in thier relationship all you can do is be there to pick up the pieces when he runs off on her.
2006-12-05 00:57:43 · answer #2 · answered by elaeblue 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Betrayed! Great Plans! lined up! for her! it sounds as though her life was yours to live, get over it. Your daughter is her own person and has her own life to live. This is a setback in life for her at most but many young women can be success full after giving birth so young. Besides talking about sex did you insure she had access to birth control?
Your job now is to support her and yes her boyfriend as they start their family. It may seem hard but remember her life is not yours to live. Staying with the same guy three years is pretty good for any age these days, people divorce in less time.
Believe it or not she will need her dad more than ever now, suck up your feelings and do what needs to be done to help her and support her. Keep an extra eye on the boyfriend, he's under stress, and if you suspect abuse keep your eyes and ears open. Insure your daughter knows she can talk to you about anything without fear.
2006-12-05 06:14:42 · answer #3 · answered by badmikey4 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As a father... the first thing U must do is start praying on strength and understanding, pray on guidance..... I can say that Ur daughter needs U more in her life than ever... U must show her Ur unconditional love... Ask her want is her plans with the baby and the boyfriend... Talk to the parents of the boy if possible.... U are not ready for her to become a parent, but that decision was already made... U can give her sound advise... ask about marriage.... Let her know that she can come to U....
2006-12-05 02:02:08 · answer #4 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well , whats done is done, my sister got pregnant at 16 and all I can say is being supportive of what she wants and doing or saying nothing but being there for her when she needs you the most is about the only thing you can do now, if she decides to give up the baby, support her , if she decides to keep the baby, support her and really be there when she needs you, After my sister had the baby, (we did cry all the way up til Brooke was born) but my sister grew up and I don't know where it came from but the best mother in the world was born too, and honestly once that baby is born there will be nothing in the world you will love more but that kid, also you have to remember that just because she is having a baby does not mean her options are cut off. she can still go to school, collage she can do whatever she wants even taking care of a baby. She just needs to realize that its going to be a little more work!
Good luck and please remember that even thought you mad and upset and disappointed she is still your little girl who has feels and needs someones shoulder to cry on, also , "everything happens for a reason!
2006-12-05 01:41:04 · answer #5 · answered by Pompin Jo 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Ok.
Your baby is going to have a baby. First her baby is the most important person in this situation. I know you want to best for your daughter, but you need to let her make this decision on her own. Tell her abortion is out of the question, but you will support adoption or even her keeping the baby. Let her choose. It is her baby.
Also, you need to talk to your daughter about her abusive boyfriend. Tell her that it is for the baby's safety that she tell you the truth. The baby will be in danger if he is that abusive. Your daughter is too, especially if she is pregnant. If you really want her to tell you the truth then remind her what can happen to the baby if she stays with him while he is acting like that.
Some teens don't want to have anything to do with their babies. Some even try to kill their babies on their own. If she is wanting this baby and loves the baby already then you should be proud of her. She is taking on a huge responsibility especially with her being only 16.
I don't know where you think she will not be able to finish school and go to college. Whoever told you that is lying. My friend just had a baby while she was a senior in high school. She has now finished high school and about to finish college. She kept the baby and goes no where without her baby. She can finish school, go to college and be who ever she wants to be and keep the baby.
2006-12-05 03:02:50 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
In a way, what's done is done. Agreeing with her choice and accepting what has happened are two different things, and that is what you're having problems with. What worries me is that you're looking for reasons to dislike the father now even though you allowed him to date your daughter for so long (obviously you saw no problem with him before). No one is a "failure", and there are still possibilities for your daughter. College does not have to happen right after high school, and it doesn't have to be in the form of her leaving for 4 years...there are classes she can take so she can get a higher-paying job. If you knew she was having sex, surely this possibility must have crossed your mind, and I think that you need to sit down with her, and the boy, and make out a plan (b/c I'm sure they're just as scared as you are) about where they will live, how he will support her, what she plans to do about a career, etc. I do know that government contractors pay very well (my husband worked for one before joining the military) and it's possible for him to get his GED and get a full-time job. There are still possibilities for both of them, but more importantly, for your grandbaby. Don't lock her up and shun her; help her.
2006-12-05 00:55:13 · answer #7 · answered by ashley b 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First I have to say that I'm sorry for what your goin through. Its tough to be a kid that's pregnant in high school. I was pregnant in my senior year. You sound as if your a truly loving father that wants nothing but the best for his little(not so little) girl.The only thing that I can tell you is that my mom too thought that she has taught me all that I needed to know and felt as if she lost all trust in me. All you can do is be there for her, guide her and help her as much as she needs it. I know its gonna be hard to do, but I do have to agree with the mother to a point that whats done is done. She can still go to college. I did. I went and graduated with a degree and to this day am holding my own. Love her extra and just let her know that you care. God bless and remember that he doesn't give you more than he thinks you can handle. It will all work out.
2006-12-05 00:56:03 · answer #8 · answered by citygirl22_1 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You know, what is done is done! My little sister got pregnant. Her boyfriend abandoned her. My mother was so upset and ashamed that she made my sister live in a city half an hour away although my sister begged and begged to come home. My mom forced her to give the baby up for adoption.
What a difference it would have made if my mom would have put her arms around my sister and told her how much she loved her and how things were going to be fine. Very tough, but fine. That is what family does for family, damn it.
My sister is now on her 4th marriage. She got pregnant 3 months after her baby was given away. She had another baby one year later. She and my mom have a horrible relationship. It's been over 20 years and she still pines for that baby.
BE SUPPORTIVE, PLEASE! THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU!
2006-12-05 01:01:48 · answer #9 · answered by sixgun 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
first of all relax. this is going to be a hard time for her and you. Be there for her. as bad as you feel as much as you think you failed she feels that ten times more. She is lost. be her guide. Go on midnight snack runs and help her in and out of the car. Hold her when she will let you. help her with baby names and finding a good doctor. Help her decide to keep or give the baby away. Be there for her no matter what she chooses to do. Help her with the baby so she can finish school and go on to college close to home and still live with you. It will be hard but if you do all this and be there she will do just fine and so will you. You are a good father you did nothing wrong. Good luck
2006-12-05 00:54:20 · answer #10 · answered by littleluvkitty 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋