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Question

i m 22 yrs married and have a daughter(6mnts old). i married against my parents will but latter on they accepted me & my husband. now i m staying in different country away from all my family & friends.here i dont have anything to do expect to look after my child and wait for my husband to return from work. whole day i m home doing cooking and all but this is not making me happy. i see there is everything in my life but i just cannot feel it. i have lost intrest in my sex-life too. everynight i m awake crying and this is disturbing my husdand. now i m afraid that he may loose intrest in me(sometimes he too gets frusted and does not talk to me but he loves me a lot). now i dont want to return to my parents as they r not responsible for my unhappy life. this is not what i had thought my life would be. i dont have friends here all here r from different countries. i dont have anybody to share my emotional feelings to. i cant disturbe my hubby always this could ruien our relationship. help

Answer 1

Hi Nas, this is Yong Kang. I too live out of India since long time. I guarantee u, if u think seriously on following
points, u can definitely make ur life beautiful. 1. You r quite young & still long life to go. Distribute ur time in different directions, first daily must do atleast 30 mts walk.
Start with 5 to 10 mts n increase. Try twice in a day. If u don't want to go out, just make around ten meters space in ur home. This will guarantee finish ur depression. give
some time to Indian newspapers e.g. Hindustan times,Times of India, etc. on internet, say 30 to 45 minutes. Daily do some home work, e.g. cleaning, home decor, etc. Take interest in cooking different foods. Major portion of ur time listen to light music & music of ur choice. If u hv still free time, try to go out with or w/o ur
baby to take fresh air outside and do brisk walking. In home do yoga, deep breathing, etc. Read local newspaper/s to be familiar with the city/country. If need be insert an ad in local newspapers to make female friends. But first take into confidence to ur dear husband. Give daily 20 mts light massage to ur small cute baby. Read about light exercises for baby and help baby to do exercise for making her healthy. Baby really needs attention, very good food and try to read in internet how to cook healthy food for baby. Be in touch with your dears and nears on internet. If need be, sometime invite ur parents & inlaws and others to ur city in consultation with ur dear hubby. Try to make new friends and take interest in new foods, language, cultures and like this way you can really make ur life beautiful. Since ur dear hubby will be full day on work, give him a big smile when he goes to work and when he returns. Frankly speaking, when two persons get married, heat lasts hardly for a year or so but after that mutual care, mutual trust goes on for full life. On off days and off time, go out with ur hubby. I can understand ur difficult time since ur baby is very small but time passes away smoothly if u keep urself busy somewhere and make ur and ur family's life beautiful. So jump start on a new life and primarily keep urself busy & do not forget daily exercises plus brisk walk one to three times a day since u r housewife. Exercise/brisk walk will
keep depression away and keep u healthy for ever & ever. Trust me and try today. Good luck and good bye.

Answer 2

Don't u have a hobby???? C'mon look at ur life...U've got a wonderful husband who loves u plus a beautiful daughter. What more do u want in life??? Count ur blessings, be positive. People crave for all these things and never get it. I think the situation u r in is ur own making. Pick up a hobby, get involved in something like helping the needy. Go out and try to make friends with ur neighbours. so what if u r surrounded by ppl of diff nationality. In Fact u shd be happy to associate with them and make it a learning experience. Stop whining and set ur life in the rt track.

Answer 3

First of all, you have made a commitment to your husband but he also made one the you. Think about the vows you said to each other. If have made every effort to work through the problem and your still not getting anything back then you can leave without guilt. You also have a child's life to think about. If a marriage is not give and take then its probably not gonna work. Your family will always be there for you and your child in whatever choice you make. Best of luck to you.

Answer 4

Sounds like you are unhappy living so far away from home. Not a bad thing. You need to tell your husband and maybe he will agree and want to find a job closer to your home. He needs to find time to get you out of the house. You need to search for a reliable sitter and you need to get out. I don't care who you are, sitting in the house all the time will depress anyone. I also understand about being so far away from home. My husband and I moved just 8 hours from where we grew up, when we first got married. I did just as you are doing. We didn't have children yet, so I was home alone and cried my eyes out all the time. You already know that he loves you and I am sure he wants you to be happy too. Good Luck Sweetie!

Answer 5

Well first off, do you love him? Are you still inlove with him? If your answer is yes then in my opinion, you have to grow in this relationship no matter how sucky it may seem at times. I myself am married. I was raised in FL all my life and all my friends are there. I live in IL now, since my husband is in the Air Force. I have no friends whatsoever either. There are times when I feel that I have no one to talk to. I miss my family as well (my brother is in the Air Force too and my family live with him in Cali). Yet, my love is too strong and I try to tell him how I feel. Eventhough men can sometimes lack the friendship type, I still express my emotions. He loves me enough to sit there and listen to me even though he may not give me feedback. Try to talk to your husband and express how you feel. If he loves you, he will listen, but I cannot garantee that he will have the perfect combat to your sadness and lonelyness. On the other hand, you can try to make friends at a church. If not, get a part time job at night just for fun. I have a part time job and have made a friend. You can also try to talk to people online. You'd be surprised how many people will hear your feelings and give you feedback on what you have to say. I'm on MYSPACE and its fun, as long as you keep faithful to your husband. You can meet woman from your own town and eventually find a good friend on this site. Look for woman who have kids, something you can have in common. Either way, relationships sometimes have rocky roads and I understand how important family is to us woman. Struggle through the marriage as a whole, as a family. Life is hard, and when your given lemons, make lemonade.lol. you know?

Hope this was helpful.

Answer 6

This is normal talk to your Gynaecologist, the doctor will test for chemical imbalance and put you on the pills, it may be post par-tum depression, happens to all female after the birth of the child so tuff it out, and get help from the doctor. Show this to your doctor but edit out certain family affairs.

In the mean time I am hoping that in few days it will disappear, and you will feel as good as new. You may not have to do a thing.

Now this is what you should do.

If you are not driving learn to drive call local high school or community college and sing up to learn to drive. You need your freedom and your husban will not have to shop for food... yu will have more time with him together with baby.

Go for a walk, with the baby. If cold get a buggy put baby in it and bundle up and get lots of warm clothing on you and go around the block, and increase the length of walk day by day.

Spend lots of time with the baby playing, you have golden opportunity to bond with your baby.

There is sometimes a reason for it, it a sickness cause by sudden, imbalance of chemical, talk in privet to your doctor doctor and go from there.

A blood test can tel if you need adjusting your chemical level of serotonin.

Once the reason is found then it can be corrected by pills.They are call Happy pills, do not get it on your own, must be give by monitory blood and dose adjusted from time to time. It Will keep you in calm, happy and contented good mood.

If doctor puts you on the pills then tel your husband so he will understand what was happening and there will be no pant up ill feelings.

Answer 7

You are on the Internet so there are countless people to connect to with intrests and circumstances like your own look around join some forums chat rooms ect..also explore you own intrests hobbys ect. I imagine you husband loves and supports you talk to him about what your "needs" are mix things up ask for romance or more free time with out the kid. Getout of the house even just to take a walk

Answer 8

I am going to be a little hard on you. Will it help any if I were to tell you that there are millions like you out there who are and have been in the same predicament. Those who haven't lived abroad ( USA and UK etc) are clueless about the intital cultural shock, the loneliness and HARD WORK that are attendant with living away from one's cosy life back home!
So stop wallowing in self-pity and think of yourself as very lucky to have been given such a wonderful opportunity to make something of your life. It is not exactly a picnic for your husband either as he too has to cope with a new life, away from his near and dear ones. I was sent away to boarding school in England at the age of 14 and like you I was very depressed and homesick and everyone was very patient with me and put up with my nonsense, except for my local guardian! He told me, smile the world smiles with you, cry and you cry alone! The tears I shed today are the tears of joy and gratitude for sticking it out! It took me three months to forget all the things I was missing back home and just got on with my life.
Good luck.

Answer 9

I think u expected a lot from ur marriage life. But ur not enjoying ur marriage life u know one thing especially in india 89% of wives are doing same routine job of cooking and taking care of their family. But they never feel bored infact they accept as a challenge and guide their husband in their life. Where as u escaping from the responsibility. Try to read some good novels of indian writers. Finally, my sincere adivce is that feel responsibility.

Answer 10

your in a place where you don't know anyone. Instead of sitting in the house waiting for your husband to come home, take your baby and take a walk around your neighborhood, you never know who you might meet, go to the park, library. I think if you put yourself out there you won't have a problem making new friends. Moving to new country is a drastic change, but it's up to you to make the best of it.Apparently you have access to the Internet, send emails to your friends and family back home.

Answer 11

just change ure way of looking at things. i agree that u may not have any one near and dear other than ure kid and hubby. but dear u have ure love. try making freinds whats wrong if they r from different countries. please dont leave ure hubby. just try to make pace with the life in that foreign country pamper ure baby. ure kid must be a lot to you. and if u say ure hubby loves u then i think u change ure interests and hobbies. try knowing people in ure neighbourhood. socialise there at every occassion. dont punish anyone who loves you. god bless you dear i am sure all will be fine with you soon. u can also call ure mom or someone from ure in laws for a few days that will cool u off.