My mother will say things to my wife that she finds rude or judgemental. Sometimes these things happen when I'm in the room and sometimes when I'm not. I don't pick up on the fact these comments are inteneded to be rude. How can I learn to spot these offenses of my mom and better support my wife?
2006-12-04 22:04:44 · 13 answers · asked by CSP 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Have a talk with your mother and next time it happens wife should just speak up and say something and you should stand with her
2006-12-04 22:07:49 · answer #1 · answered by dumpllin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Watch for the look on your wife's face. It will tell you if she thinks your mother was being rude. Sometimes it's not the tone of voice that a person uses but the way they say things differently. Such as being too nice when speaking or making an underlying comment that has a different meaning towards someone else.
2006-12-05 06:28:33 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Were you and your wife raised in two different cultures? If so this is why you don't see your mom's comments as being judgmental. You mom is trying to help and your wife is being overly sensitive. If it is a cultural thing, it is your wife who has to begin to understand your mom.
If there is not a cultural difference then your wife might have low self esteem and is overly sensitive. "Sticks and stones will break my bones but names will never hurt me", your wife really needs how to grow some thicker skin and not be so sensitive.
Depending on how educated your wife is (I bet not very) you are going to have to treat her like a child and behind your mothers back pat her on the head and tell her how wonderful she is.
2006-12-05 06:22:13 · answer #3 · answered by lily 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My Mother-in-law is the same way. She will say that I took it the wrong way and she didn't mean it the way she said it. Bull!!! They know what they are saying. You are used to how your Mother is. Try to listen from your wife's point of view. She may be a bit jealous you don't need her as you once did. My Mother-in-law thinks because she raise my husband she knows him best. And tries to step in as a wise sage. She needs to learn you are your own man now with your own FAMILY. Let her know you love her dearly but you are married to the love of your life and started a new chapter for yourself. And have confidence in your wife's ability to handle things. If you don't you may lose your wife. I almost divorced my husband over his Mother interfering in our business. She hasn't changed. We changed the way we deal with her.
2006-12-05 06:23:04 · answer #4 · answered by kitkat1640 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Combined living is very uncomfortable and hurtful. You should live separately with your wife. At the same time support your mother financially and visit her on week ends. It is not possible for you to find out who is at fault. What you should realise is that they dont get along.
2006-12-05 06:39:35 · answer #5 · answered by rams 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i guess thats a very common prob although i have never been inot it but i guess keep off this because if you say anything to your wife or mother they both will get annoyed even if they are wrong so i guess tell your wife that she can talk to your mom respectfully herself and sought out the prob and tell your mom the same thing........but to a certain extend just ignore this till the time its possible that they just want you to hear and they are not actually expecting you to take a step but just opening thier heart its very common in women.......so judge your situation and act
2006-12-05 06:17:59 · answer #6 · answered by sandeepa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look up the word "empathy" in the dictionary.
Then, practice it for your wife's sake when your mom visits.
If nothing improves, it could be due to cultural differences, your wife's oversensitivity, or your stupidity. Take your pick.
2006-12-05 06:17:42 · answer #7 · answered by runninfool 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's true there is a conspiracy to make your wife what your mother always wanted a daughter in law to be. She thinks it's her job to change her to be up to expectation. That's the nature of the in-law relationship whether it's son-in-law or daughter-in-law. I've been married just about 28 years and I feel my mother in law and her daughter try to still make me an outsider in my husband's relationship to me. I confront them on this and they deny it of course!
2006-12-05 13:12:23 · answer #8 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The reaction on your wifes face
2006-12-05 06:08:17 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
just ask your wife whats rude about them . if you want to hear whats she'saying when your not in the room leave a tape recorder in the room.
2006-12-05 06:09:36 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋