who comes first , your spouse or your kids?

Question

My wife always seems to put the needs of our kids ahead of mine. Do you think it's ok and I'm just over reacting or is she totally in the wrong?

Answer 1

Everyone in society says kids now. Well not everyone, but most.

They are wrong.

Too many people are ignoring their spouse. There's a line in a movie where a character describes his marriage as 'like running a daycare with someone I used to date'.

Divorce rates are high, and there are a lot of marriages that are not in great shape too.

Obviously, there are moments when children _need_ something. But in general, people need to worry more about their marriages. People need to remember that in their own marriage, they are setting a lifetime model for their children on what a relationship is supposed to look like. Demonstrating a happy and healthy relationship is more important then a lot of the crap people are doing 'for their kids'.

I think that for a lot of couples, with the high demands on time with two-income families, they've cut back on 'couple time' to try to maintain 'kid time'. Then they wonder why their relationship is floundering, and in 20 years will probably wonder why their spoiled kids are getting into bad relationships themselves.

I will now wait for the thumbs down to roll in ;)

Answer 2

Its such a tough topic. and as a wife and mum i try to do it all even but i know its not. Kids first, they need to be clothed, fed, bathed, loved, taught and shown life. Hubby next, you are old enough to do most of that yourself. Yes you need to be loved and cared for, but if a guy isnt pulling his weight around the house and family, hwo are we meant to find time. Being a parent is a 24 hr a day 7 day a week job. THere is no sick days, annual leave, or ill do it tomorow. Becoming a parent took all that away. Help out the missus more and organise one night a week whre hte kids get an early tea and bed and you 2 have a night where the dinners just hte two of you, then a game movie, and play time. Be with her love her and she will do the same to tou. Respect her, because beign a parent is the worlds most underpaid, under repected, over looked job in human existance.

Answer 3

By the principle of the bible, husband and wife is more important than any other person. That is because a husband and wife is no longer two person, but has become one by the bond of marriage.

But, having said that doesn't mean that all the wants / needs of the husband or wife must always be fulfilled first before you can start attending to your child's need. Everything that we need to do have a degree of priority in them, and must be done in moderation. For example, if one of your child is gravely ill and have to be put in the hospital immediately, then it will be very unwise to do that later after you had finished your round of golf.

By saying that your wife always seems to put the needs of your kids ahead of yours, then you must have thought that some or most of your unfulfilled needs had higher priority than those of your kids. But then, it may not be the case in the eyes of your wife. She can have a different opinion than yours. How can any of us out here able to judge who among you is wrong?

My solution to you is to go and talk to your wife nicely, bring out your perception or point of view, and let her bring out hers, and check whether it is the same. That way you and your wife can have the same perception on the same things.

Answer 4

I think that your wife is in "mom" mode. As a wife and mom, we are genetically hard-wired to care for our children first. Unfortunately, our spouses sometimes suffer for this. One suggestion to re-connect is for YOU to call a babysitter, and take your wife out some Friday or Saturday night. Another suggestion; care for the children yourself sometimes. If she works out of the home, let her come home to a house that is clean, food on the table, and you there with a hug and a kiss. You have no idea how sexy and appreciated women feel when men do that. A word of warning, however; if you do this, DO NOT go out with the boys afterward!! She is going to feel used and REALLY pissed with you, even if she doesn't say anything.

Answer 5

you are a mature human being that can function on his own your wife is showing her natural nurturing side towards her young .
Its OK to feel shut out on occasion but don't take it personally after all one day your kids will fly the coupe and then you will be together alone , the ball game will be on and you will be wondering why was I so desperate for her undivided attention all those years back lol. Its your place in life you produce the child she raises it .... yer right... HUMAN NATURE .

Answer 6

Kids come first otherwise civilization collapses All parents in the animal world which we are a part of raise there young even after they eat there mate

Answer 7

your kids should always come first. the parents decided to bring them into this world and they need to be taken care of and guided. But couples should find quality time to spend together without the kids on a reguar basis.

Answer 8

Children ALWAYS come first. You're big enough to look after your self. Children aren't.
You never can truly understand the love of a mother until you become one, and since you're a man, that's never going to happen.

Be grateful that your children have such a loving mother.
You have to know that having a family means you don't come first anymore.

Answer 9

Kids come first! Grow up and get with the program your an adult they are KIDS. Sounds like your jealous and that is just petty and selfish. How sad. You chose to bring your kids into the world therefore they are the priority no matter what.

Answer 10

Kids are forever dude. Wifes aren't. Wife can fall out of love. Your children will always love you.