How do you prevent bitterness from taking over you?

Question

When after loving them even with their flaws and forgiving many times hoping that things will get better.Only for them to leave you and the kids for another who just had kids from an affair during your marriage.Some people say just move on but it is always easier to say this when your have never experienced it

Answer 1

hi, i have ,or should i say am going through the same situation you are,i don't think there is anyone or thing that can make this any easier,its love and nature good or bad has to take its time to mend itself not good for us and what i am learning life is one vicious circle and in my case its spinning me around regardless there seems to be no stop,no light at the end of this cruel tunnel,because this was not what i wanted,WHY whats wrong with me,try looking at whats wrong with him,he is not the man i thought he was,i dint even know him,he is not my problem any longer,there is a better way of life ahead of me now and im going to find it,its all part of the game keep going forward don't look back,do it for you keep busy,find a new task to challenge yourself keep your mind occupied and the rest seems to follow hopefully without the dull ache of your heart,and wanting to know all the whys rushing round in your head,does it really matter why,keep smiling its the best way for you.Good Luck...

Answer 2

Yes, it's pretty easy to say 'move on'. The reason it's so difficult to get on and do it is that you have actually been traumatised by this man's actions. Being traumatised is a lot more than just being hurt or upset.
I work a lot with people who have been traumatised, physically or emotionally and I know how difficult it is to let it go without some sort of help. There is no stigma in seeking help!!!!!!!!
You could see someone like a craniosacral therapist or a psychotherapist. Or there's a little book you could try, which many people find helpful. It's called Focussing and it's by Eugene T Gendler.
If you just talk about it and dwell on it it's really hard to move on.
I do wish you well.
Jon C

Answer 3

I know how you feel - believe me. My X left me for a woman 10 years younger than him, with 2 small kids. (He didn't want kids when we were married, having 1 son from a previous marriage) And yes, it is easy for people to say move on - and not so easy to do. I went through the anger, tears, bitterness, hate and disbelief. I was lucky and have a great family who supported me throughout, plus I am a very independent, bubbly person, who whilst selling our house met a wonderful guy who treats me like a lady. After much soul searching and back peddling, I let him into my life - and 6 months later cannot be happier. This is just to say that there is life after divorce. And the best revenge was getting on with my life. My X is Soooo jealous about this guy! Not because he wants me back - but because he wanted me to lie down and curl up in a ball for the rest of my life. Get back in the saddle Hon. Go out with friends or family. Meet people. Join single clubs or youth groups in your area. Believe me, you will be too busy to be bitter, and you will stick it to your hubby at the same time. Good luck! And if you wanna chat - feel free to contact me.

Answer 4

It is difficult, but time is a great healer, but it won't happen overnight. At least you are aware of your emotions and sound as if you want to move on, and, please, try not to let your bitterness show for your children's sake. Talk to them and let them understand that you are unhappy, but try not to run down their father. Let them know they are loved and secure with you. Think positive thoughts about the present and future.

Can you think of a new hobby that you could start, something you have always wanted to do but never got round to. Have a look along the newsagents shelves at magazines that might give some ideas. I did that and ended up trying needlecraft, I found it very absorbing, and managed to forget everything else at least for a while, until eventually negative feelings became a thing of the past.

Look on it as your 'freedom'

Answer 5

It helps to keep in mind that the bitterness is at risk of taking over your life. You'll still have bitter moments, but let them pass, take a deep breath, and remind yourself that you only control one thing: your attitude and perspective on the situation. Sometimes you can cheat yourself by falsely changing your perspective - like adding in maybes or could have beens that make the situation seem more agreeable - but for the most part, it's about attitude. Try and find things about it that are funny, and laugh at them. Remember it's in the past, it's over, and when you find yourself dwelling on it, look for the 'what I can take from this' things - "Next time when my husband comes back smelling like perfume, I'm asking more questions" or whatever, and then change your strain of thought. Distract yourself.

Answer 6

Certainly is not an easy place to be. It will need a lotofstrength on your part. Look on the positives and at the endof each day write down something positive that happened during the day. At the end ofthe week re read. Work on yourself.......look your best...and gradually this will fade and someday you will meet anohter and find outhow good it can be.....when you are ready to...can'tforce these things. You were a doormat for too long and he did not deserve you. Console yourself that in time it will probably not work with this one elther ...don't be tmpted if he lands on your doorstep any time in th future.

Answer 7

The best thing you can do right now is just be strong and be there for you children. You have lost your husband, but it also affects your children they have lost there father. Be there for them and just continue to do your best. I know saying get on with your life does not help at the moment, but in time it does get easier.
Sometimes in the evening when the children are in bed you long for someone (adult) to talk to, and just give you a cuddle. That is how I was. But now I am very happy with my second husband and we chose not to have anymore children and we have some great time together. So don't dispare you will get over this I promise. Sheila.

Answer 8

Unless someone has experienced this, they have no idea how hard it is to move on!
I feel as if my heart has been ripped out kicked around the room, shoved back in, and now everything is supposed to be alright!?????
The bitterness, the hurt and all other emotions are hard to get over, mine are 6 months old and I still find it difficult to deal with it!
I have put everything into my marriage, commitment, love, respect etc, only for me to feel like I do today!
I feel LIKE SH!T!
No confidence in myself as a person at all!

Answer 9

ive just been through something similar,i thought my world had ended,i was suicidel and didnt no where to turn,its been 3 months now and although i still have bad days im getting better by the day,my friends and family have pulled me through,but i also spoke to the samaritans on line and they were a great comfort to me,trust me honey u will get better i promise and when u do start feeling better the relief is imense,just remember that that dont kill u only makes u stronger.u will get there,u have to grieve first u cant just forget it happend,cry scream shout get angry u have to to start moving on but it will take time.1 thing i do no is that u will get there,the rain will gradualy move away leaving behind sunshine.be strong best wishes.

Answer 10

Its never easy when any marriage breaks up. There is a huge void in your life that you need to fill.Whatever your routine was before he left, change it, find new things to do, if you find yourself thinking about him consciously get up and do something to take your mind off him.
Time is a great healer and you just gradually stop allowing it to affect you.
You've given him enough of your life , don't allow him any more.
Start living for yourself and your kids.